Part 18

The queue at immigration was predictably slow, and Willow and Giles were amusing themselves with what they would do once Angelus had been restrained, and Angel restored. Both of them hoped that this would be wrapped up sooner rather then later, and that they would have some free time to play with once the crisis had been averted.

“Wesley spoke of a rather glorious text he had come across in his last call… I really would like to be able to study his library, perhaps take some copies home…”

“So whatcha gonna do for fun then, Mr Bookworm..? Maybe decorate the library and watch the paint dry?”

“No, Willow, in my free time I’ll obviously be coming to watch your comedy debut at the local stand up club, I believe they call it… ‘open mike’?… I can just picture you up on stage.”

He chuckled at her panicked look, happy to be the victor.

“No need to get nasty, Giles. I was only saying, what with the fun and the books…”

“Indeed.”

He moved his luggage another foot in front of him as they waited to show their passports.

“So, need I ask what you plan to do with your time, once this latest little disaster has been diverted?”

Willow paused. Part of her wondered that maybe they were being too blasé in their worries over Angel. It just seemed that they had been here before, her twice before… and if it was just a job of safe guarding Angel’s soul..? Well, she felt more then qualified to deal. She just hoped it wasn’t anything more. She remembered quite clearly what Angelus was capable of.

“I was thinking I’d catch up with Buffy, it’s been a few weeks, and we can really let go if we’re both on vacation… then there’s Faith, she NEVER lets me leave LA without a good knees up…”

She cast her mind back to the last time that Faith had caught word she was in town. It had been a blast. She had been blasted. There may or may not have been an incident with a cocktail waitress named ‘Carly’, she couldn’t quite bring herself to remember… but either way… Faith had made sure she had memories to take away with her. Or half memories.

“And Kennedy?”

“Uh… what about her exactly?”

“Well, is the romance off again, or on again… will the room next to mine be filled with the glorious cries of a slayer, or shall it be silence is golden?”

“GILES!”

“Don’t pull the incredulous face at me, Willow… I do recall that I spent the best part of my last holiday with my ears firmly covered.”

Willow didn’t know what to say. And the last holiday they had shared had been different… it was a brief cross over in a hotel as her and Giles travelled to India, and Kennedy was returning from a slaying job in Asia. It had been a few hours, and yes, that may have been a very noisy few hours… but well, they were still together, and they hadn’t hardly seen each other in weeks, and the beds were REALLY comfy… and well, she couldn’t really see that it was Giles’ concern.

“I’m not with Ken now, Giles… I’m sure your ears will be suitably rested.”

He gave her a look which was not quite believing and proceeded to the front of the queue.

The time two months ago when she had last been here was firmly locked inside Willow’s head. It had encouraged her excitement at coming this time. Her and Kennedy had more then made noises. Had possibly invented some new ones… and it had been nice. Felt good. Part of her hoped that maybe something more could happen this time, that maybe they needed to talk again about whether they could be together long distance.

As they went through the motions of flashing their passports and smiling sweetly at officials, Willow began scouring the faces of those at the gates waiting to meet friends. She didn’t know who it would be… had money on Buffy… and that would probably also involve Faith, if Buffy’s last call about a crazy kiss was anything to go by. Maybe it would be Kennedy. Or it could be anyone of many. Maybe a limo. With a chauffer and champagne…

“Willow… Giles.”

Kennedy’s voice pulled her from her musings.

“I’ve been waiting forever, what took you so long?”

“Ever so sorry to keep you, Kennedy.” Giles stole a mischievous look at the red head.

“It was Willow, she had some of her herbs confiscated again… ‘magic’ indeed.”

He shook his head despairingly.

“Giles! That story remains unfunny every single time you bring it up. That was once, they WERE magic herbs, and it wasn’t a plane, it was an elephant ride!”

Now it was her turn to shake her head.

“Sorry, Kennedy… the old guy doesn’t travel so well anymore.”

But Kennedy couldn’t find a smile, or a chuckle. She could only find her arms which she wrapped around Willow. Held her as tight as she dared.

“Hey, uh… air?”

She released her grip, couldn’t hide the urgency in her eyes.

“What is it, Ken? Is there a problem, is it Angel?”

Giles felt himself stiffen at the girls side. Didn’t want to hear the news, could feel the dread already ensnaring him.

“It’s Buffy.”

Both the newcomers eyes shot wide. Surprise and then shock and then fear.

“Buffy?”

As you travelled through the grounds of the W&H building you would not know that anything was amiss, people and things still mingled, jobs were still being done, everything was still operational. The activity startled Willow and Giles at first. Kennedy had filled them in on everything on the way over and they had expected the building to bear sombre witness to the news.

“I can’t believe it’s all still so busy.”

“Don’t let it fool you, Will… get past the first floor and this place is dead. Everyone who’s anyone is in on this, Faith’s taking it personal… it IS personal… it’s all on the top floor. Angel’s apartments.”

The journey up seemed to take forever, with not much more to be said between them all. It was relief they felt when the doors finally slid open. Everyone in the room turning to see whom had arrived.

The thing that struck Willow the hardest was the hope in Faith’s eyes as the doors had pulled back. As if some part of her believed that it was going to be Buffy. That she was going to walk away from this unharmed. But she wasn’t Buffy, and Faith’s eyes had gone dead. She still smiled a hello, but her eyes never once showed any light.

“Hey, Red… I’m glad you’re here.”

“Faith, I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry… be helpful.”

She didn’t mean to be harsh, but she didn’t have time for this. Didn’t have the patience. Buffy was out there somewhere, and HE had her. It was twisting her up inside, picturing what he might be doing to her… and she could almost feel as if Buffy herself was calling out to her… her senses tingling so bad, the need to find her driving her crazy.

Everyone got back to business, back to planning. How Giles could help, how Willow could help. But it didn’t matter. The feeling that permeated the room was helplessness. As if they guessed that they wouldn’t be able to do anything, that Angelus held all the cards. He did, in a way, he had Buffy.

Faith eventually called a time out. Just half an hour. Eat if ya needed to, sleep if you wanted to, but in half an hour be ready to go again. No one rests till Buffy is safe.

Everyone took the opportunity to grab some time, it was hard going in the room with Faith, suffocating under her fear, yet willing to do anything in the face of her refusal to give in.

Willow approached her slowly, noting the faraway look in her eyes.

“Hey, Faith..?”

“Hmmm..? Uh… Oh sorry, Red… miles away, what can I do for you?”

“I just wanted to see how you’re doing..? How you’re holding up..?”

“How I’m holding up..?”

She let out a harsh laugh, an empty laugh.

“… I’m fine, Willow. Five by fucking five!.. Now haven’t you got some shit you ought to be doing? A nifty spell up your sleeve to save the day?”

The sarcasm hurt, but it didn’t stick. Willow could see the walls Faith had erected, could see the steely determination in her eyes, but she could see the chinks too. The redness, the tiredness. The desperation.

“You can drop the macho crap with me, Faith… I get it, ok?”

“You get it?” She threw Willow a disbelieving look.

“Tell me how you get it, yeah..? Cos I can’t fucking breathe! Every second, Red, it’s killing me… knowing he’s got her, he’s touching her… and I don’t know what to do, what I can do…”

She offered a hopeless gaze Willow’s way.

“…what can I do, Willow..? Tell me what I can do?”

Willow’s arms found her then, held on tight, encouraged her to let it go, let it out. Reassured her with soft words, comforting phrases. It was empty comfort, but it was welcome. Faith was running on empty, hadn’t stopped since she had returned the night before, to Angelus’ note. Had screamed blue murder, had destroyed some furniture, and then had taken command. She had people out all the time looking, searching, trying to rumble the underground grapevine. But nothing. No one was speaking, no one was finding. She, herself had been out too, but all to no avail. It was like Buffy had vanished. Had ceased to exist.

She allowed herself just a brief moment in the safety of Willow’s arms before she pulled herself together. Her losing it wasn’t going to save Buffy, and she hadn’t allowed that idea to fade yet. Wouldn’t allow it to fade.

“So give me a plan, Red… give me something I can do.”

“I take it you did a locator spell, for Buffy… and Angel?”

“Me personally..? Not a chance… but talk to Wes, he deals with all the mumbo jumbo stuff.”

Wes took that as an opportunity to join the conversation, offered whatever he could to Willow, told her how they had tried spells, had tried everything, but something was blocking them, something was preventing them from getting a hold on either Buffy or Angel.

It didn’t phase Willow for a second. Yeah, she may have come here with nothing more taxing then soul saving in her mind, but she was a kick ass Wicca, maybe the best, and no cheap hide and seek spell would be able to stop her. Well she didn’t think it would. She just hoped she had the time to find Buffy before it was too late. While she could still be saved.

“Giles? Get Dawn on the phone, she has to know what’s going on, and she can sure as hell help me with what I’m going to need… tell her to get my books from storage, the old ones… she’ll know the ones, she complained about the dust when we were cataloguing… tell her to get in touch with the coven, might need them, better be prepared… uh… and tell her not to worry. Tell her I’m going to find her.”

She looked at Faith as she spoke the words. She didn’t make a promise, they didn’t need promises… but as sure as she stood there, she knew she would do everything and anything in her power to get Buffy back.

Giles made the call immediately, Wes left to find details of everything they had tried, others retreated back into what they were doing before Willow had commanded the room.

“You really think you can do it, Red..? You think you can find her for me?”

Faith wanted to believe her so much, wanted to trust in her. The stake she had been absentmindedly twirling in her hand was now being held tight, starting to strain with the force being exerted on it, her fingers gripping as if for dear life.

“I can do it, Faith. It might take time… I need to get the stuff together, to break through whatever’s cloaking her… but I CAN do it.”

“How much time?”

“A day… two?”

She deflated at that. Wanted results now. Yesterday. Willow noticed the faraway look come over Faith’s eyes again. The ‘not really here-ness’ to her.

“I swear, Red… I fucking swear, if he so much as thinks about touching her…”

She released the grip on her stake, let it rest in her hand the way it belonged there.

“…if he even so much as looks at her wrong, I will fucking kill him. No if’s… no but’s, he hurts Buffy, it’s game over…”

Her grip went tight again now, ready to plunge, ready to kill.

“…he’s dust.”

And she meant it.

Part 19

Far below ground, somewhere under the streets of Los Angeles, Buffy was in more pain then she had ever known. She didn’t have any concept of how long she had been there, just the level of hurt she was being forced to endure. It was like a game to Angelus. He would taunt her, spit words of filth at her, explain in explicit detail exactly how he was going to fuck her, to possess her, to make her his again, the way she should have been. Over and over.

She would try to block him out, try to make it all go away, but then he would be on her. As soon as he realised she was phasing out he would bring her back. He would bite her, or scratch her… he’d already touched her. Forced his fingers into the places that were never meant for him to go.

He called it softening her up. Making her ready for what was to come. Marking his territory before he claimed it. It all made her sick.

Made her want to die.

But then she thought of Faith. And even at the worst, as he hit her repeatedly, violated her unmercifully, she would not give in. Not give up.

Buffy was thinking about her now. Trying to recall times before when they had dreamt together… had managed to keep contact even with both of them unconscious to the world… but she didn’t know how. Seemed like it was Faith who had made it happen. But she tried… what else did she have to focus on? He was at her now, Angelus… drinking from her inner thigh… not enough to bleed out, but enough to stay weak, to keep her welts raised, her body torn.

And she focused. She focused on Faith. With all her mind, everything she had. She brought forth the feeling, the tingle, the hum. She remembered the voice… the husky yet gentle tone, the way her name sounded like it was coated in honey whenever it slipped from Faith’s mouth… the passion that burned in her eyes, whether she was slaying or training, or arguing over which top went better with her leathers. There was always passion, belief in something. She focused on the feel of her, the touch of her… everything she had waited for, was still waiting for… she focused on everything. She focused on the love.

And then she was slipping, falling, spiralling.

Unconscious at last.

Willow glanced over at Faith, she looked exhausted, totally spent. She had been out searching again, had come back empty handed and dejected again. A cycle that repeated itself every few hours. Willow was worried about her, scared that she was coiling tighter and tighter under the pressure, ready to explode at any moment, and she understood why, she really did… but she couldn’t bear to see someone else self destruct because they had lost the woman they loved.

She wished that there was more that she could do other then poring over the books, but she knew that, that was where she was doing her best. The sooner she could put a spell together that would reveal Buffy, the sooner she could really help Faith.

Willow cast her mind back just a few days, to the almost giddy Buffy that had rang her with unbelievably crazy news. Well if it was news you hadn’t suspected for the last three years. More with hindsight.

“So guess what I did, Wills… betcha can’t!”

“I don’t know, Buff… bought new shoes?”

“You think I’d be this excited over new shoes?”

“Made a new friend?”

“Will.”

“Ooooo did Buffy make a boyfriend? Is Buffy in lurve?”

Willow had smirked to herself at Buffy’s uncontrollable giggling.

“That’s it isn’t it? You scored!”

“NO! Will…not scored, but I did kiss someone, a very sexy someone, a very sexy, very yummy, very ‘oh my god, what am I doing’ someone…”

“Oh wow! You kissed Angel?”

“No, Angel! Much sexier… kinda… well, she’s…she is SO sexy!”

“She..? As in… Faith? You KISSED Faith? Lips together, kissing?”

There was more giggling from Buffy’s end.

“Yes, she… yes, Faith… and how the hell did you know?”

Willow sighed at the memory. It seemed so long ago now, yet it really wasn’t. All that energy and excitement, the happiness in her voice. It hurt. She couldn’t even imagine how bad Faith was doing inside.

Glancing at her again, she caught her eyes drooping, saw her fighting herself to stay awake… forcing herself to remain alert. Remain focused.

She approached her softly, not wanting to push, to say the wrong thing.

“Faith..?”

“Hmmm?”

Faith was studying a book, not willing to stop doing something, anything, as long as it was something. It could be the bit of information that saved Buffy. The next line, the next page, the next text. She would keep looking.

“Do ya think maybe you need a break… just a nap, a rest?”

“Hmmm.”

A non committal answer if ever she heard one! She could work with that.

“You could lay on the sofa… I’ll wake ya in thirty, just rest a little, yeah?”

“What’s that, Red? Sorry… lost in a book. Who would’ve thought it, huh?”

“Find anything?”

Faith glanced away, not able to speak her growing failure.

“Let me take over, give yourself a break.”

“A break? Not a chance.”

“Faith… You’re gonna burn out, you NEED a rest. Just close your eyes, I promise I’ll wake you.”

Faith choked out a pained laugh. Shook her head.

“I closed my eyes once, Red. Yesterday. Just for a minute… ya know what happened?”

Now it was Willow’s turn to shake her head.

“I saw her. She was smiling at me, holding her arms out… and I wanted to run to her, to take her and hold her forever, but I couldn’t could I?”

Her voice broke over the words, even the memory of a dream too painful.

“Because it isn’t fucking real. And that was the worst, waking up and forgetting… for two seconds, that first second… I can’t do it, Red. I can’t close my eyes… I can’t see her again…”

Willow’s heart was breaking, the pain was so real, so tangible. She understood, she understood better then most, but she also knew Faith needed to sleep. Even a few minutes would be enough for a slayer. She hoped that Faith would forgive her, would understand.

She raised her hand and placed it on Faith’s shoulder, seemingly giving comfort… whispered a couple of words under her breath, and watched as Faith’s fight against sleep was lost. It wasn’t a deep spell, wasn’t a deep sleep, just a moment.

One moment of peace.

The first thing she was aware of was a warm pair of arms, arms that felt safe, arms that were holding her as if they would never let go, arms she belonged in.
Next soft lips. It was a ghostly touch, almost as if it wasn’t really there, just a tickle across her mouth. And then tears. She could feel them as they slipped silently from her eyes, they felt real. They were real.

“Buffy..? Open your eyes.”

She didn’t want to. It may not be real, but it felt safe, opening her eyes could mean the truth, that she wasn’t safe. She was there, with him… and this was just a hallucination, her mind feeding her images they knew she needed to see.

“Faith..?”

It came out a question, her voice pleading with the other to be really real.

“I’m here, B.”

And then the arms were there again. Firmer, offering her something to hang on to, something to cling to. She opened her eyes slowly, still unsure, but so hopeful. Just let it be Faith. Just one more time.

“Oh god, it’s you. It’s really you.”

“Buffy… listen to me, Red’s here… Giles too, we’re gonna get you…”

“I’m so weak, Faith…”

“I know, baby… but we’re coming, you’ve got to hang on…”

Buffy’s eyes held a far off look. Far off in pain.

“Buffy?”

Her shoulders were sagging as if in defeat, she couldn’t meet Faith’s eyes again.

“I don’t think I can hold on… it hurts so bad, Faith… he… he… oh, god… he drinks from me…all over…”

She thought of all the other things he did to her. The other ways he weakened her.

“…he hurts me, Faith…”

Her head dropped, pointed to the floor the, same as her eyes. Just a whisper escaping from her lips.

“… he HURTS me.”

Faith knew exactly what she meant. Exactly how he hurt her. Not only the physical, but the mental. The emotional. The hopelessness, the humiliation, the degradation… they were things she knew… things you never forgot. It killed her to hear Buffy speak the words. She had known, deep down, that Angelus would be tormenting her that way… but to hear the words spoken, to hear the pain the words were wrapped in. She wanted to kill.

She tried to hold on to her rage though, to stay calm, to reassure, to comfort.

“It’s ok, B. I’ve got you.”

Asking her next question was gonna be hard. She didn’t want to hear the answer. Was scared it would ruin her. Would break her.

“I… has it..? Is it..? Did Angel… lose his soul..? Did he..?”

“No.”

Buffy let out a harsh laugh. Why would he do that when it was so much fun hurting her other ways. Taunting her about the pain that was to come. When she would be his. Forever.

“He has to wait… the demons have a schedule… I think my slots Friday at eight, right after dinner…”

Her attempt at humour didn’t bring a smile. It was all too helpless.

“Buffy… B, look at me… I’m going to save you…”

“It hurts, Faith.”

The younger girl could feel it mounting. The pressure of needing to end this. To find her, to save her, to kill him. The anger, the frustration. Everything.

“Fuck that shit, Buffy!… Fuck the hurt, you’re a slayer…”

She almost wanted to shake Buffy. To tell her. She had to hold on, couldn’t give up, because if she gave up now… then what about her? But she didn’t shake her. Saw the fear that her outburst had brought, and instead held her. Enveloped her in safe arms.

“I’m so sorry, B.”

Both of them looked up at the tug. Could both feel it… as though they had used up their time, money run out. Buffy’s eyes were desperate, she was clinging so fiercely, afraid to let go, aware that this could be the last time.

Faith was aware too. Her whole body was fighting to stay here. Forever if it meant with Buffy.

“I’m gonna save you, B… I swear it. I am going to save you.”

As it started to fade, already becoming a memory, nothing but a dream, Faith captured Buffy’s lips in a final kiss.

A ghost’s touch.