Faith's P.O.V
Buffy didn't actually have any good movies and neither of us could be bothered to go to the video store so we stayed in to talk and stuff. Which basically means that I'm currently flipping through the channels of the television while B goes on about Angel and I pretend to listen. 'Oh, Faith. He's so big, strong and handsome. He simply makes me swoon.'
Makes me wanna yak.
I should just carry around a bucket so that when she starts up with that shit I have an easy way to empty the contents of my stomach. If there's anything worse than having to see her together with the big ape, it's having to listen to stories about him. I can kill demons too. So what? What's he got that I don't have?
Oh, right.
Still. Doesn't mean that I want to hear about him all night. Can think of better things to do. Not that the boy's not hot as hell or anything. I'd take him for a ride. If I wouldn't get beat down for it. I like my limbs where they are, thankyou. And that's still, firmly attached to my body.
"And then I found out I was pregnant and the father of the baby was Bill Clinton."
What the hell?
"Huh?"
"Faith, you're not even listening to a word I say, are you?"
Ya think?
"No, I am." I switch off the television and turn to face her, trying to look as attentive as possible. "You know me, short attention span and all. Think I've got ADD. They're looking into it. What were we talking about?"
"I said..." She looks at me pointedly, partly trying to determine if she has my full attention and partly reprimanding me for not listening in the first place. Probably gonna go on some more about Angel. 'I love him so much. He's just so cute with that huge forehead. If it wasn't for that pesky curse - I'd fuck his brains out.' Yadda, yadda, yadda. "That maybe we should do something non-slayage related on the weekend. You know, if you wanted... and if I wanted. Which I do. So, really only if you wanted... Do you? You did hear me this time, right?"
Huh?
Oh, I get it.
"What, you mean like Bronzin' it with the Scoobs?"
"No, I mean like something elsing it... with Faith." She grins.
I can think of something else to do with you, B. Or to you. I haven't started with my plan yet. Not that I really had a plan. But I would have eventually gotten around to making one up. Maybe. Actually it probably would have ended up with me basically attacking her one night after patrol. In which case she either (A responds or (B runs away screaming into the night. If I'm honest with myself option B is the more likely of the two. Not to be confused with option C which leaves me broken and bleeding on the floor.
"Well... what would be the something else?"
"Oh, I'm sure we can figure something out." She smiles at me.
You read my mind, B.
Imagine the possibilities.
"Sure, then we could bring a couple of studs back to mine and have an orgy. Wear them out with our Slayer stamina. Fuck 'em all night long... That's what I call 'Slayer bonding' time."
I love the little shocked faces she makes when I come up with these things, probably why I do it so often.
"Gross, Faith. One of these days I'm going to wash your mouth out with soap."
"And when you finish with my mouth?
"Huh?"
"Wouldn't want the rest of my body to get lonely. You could soap me up real nice. I'd let you and everything."
"I'm sure you would."
"Yeah." I nod enthusiastically. "And then I could do you. Fair trade."
"I think not."
"Come on, B. What's some soapy nakedness between friends?"
"Okay, this conversation has gone way past my comfort level. In fact I would have preferred if we stopped all the way back at 'gross, Faith.' I need a time machine around you. So, I can go back every ten seconds to not give you material."
"You'd probably use it to have your way with me. Then you could go back and I'd be none the wiser. Buffy, you sick pervert." I shake my head, sadly.
She places her one index finger on each side of her temple and begins massaging her head.
"Currently wiping memory banks for the last two minutes. There. Now, I don't remember any disturbing conversations involving soaping up friends or having... my way with friends and before you say anything I am not above placing my fingers in my ears and singing Britney Spears songs."
"Are you offering to give me a lap dance, B?"
"What? ... Okay, I'll bite. How the hell did you end up there?"
"Britney Spears is classic lap dance material. You sing. You gotta do the dance. I'll sit here and enjoy."
"Britney Spears isn't lap dancing! You made that up. It's teeny-bopper pop crap and I have decided that I am above singing it."
"No lap dance?"
"No lap dance, no soaping each other up, no naked and no more talking. It's quiet time now."
I let it be 'quiet time' for all of two seconds.
"Change your mind yet?"
"No!"
"How 'bout now?"
"Faith!"
I'm just about to respond with some sexual innuendo or other - 'cause hey, I'm Faith, it's what I do - when someone knocks at the door destroying my fun. Buffy frowns at me, confused before standing up to answer it.
I can't see who it is from my position on the couch, but I hope they go away soon. I have to prepare Buffy for the weekend. Open her mind up a bit to some alternative thoughts. Short version? I'm gonna make her see me as fuckable. Which is not as easy as it sounds. I mean, I can't get any hotter. Believe me, I tried.
Buffy comes back and looks at me with a little frown. It's gone real fast though. So, I could have imagined it. I imagine lots of things when it comes to B. Like for instance the fact that she desperately wants me. I just don't get her. Everyone else wants it. And I'm more than willing to give it up to her. All she's gotta do is ask nicely.
"Who was it?"
Great.
Before I even finish that question Willow steps out from behind B.
Just. Fucking. Great.
"Rosenburg." I nod at her with my most intimidating I hate you expression.
"Faith." She nods back with the same look. So, it's all good.
Buffy comes back to the couch to sit next to me... on top of me. It's actually kind of hard to tell. Willow pauses for a moment after seeing that, but then continues to make her way over to the couch across from us. What the fuck is she doing here? Seems Buffy wants to know the same thing. She words it a bit differently though.
"Are you okay, Will?" She looks at her friend, concerned. "Nothing happened, did it?"
"Huh? No. Everything's fine." She shifts around on the couch, making herself comfortable. I swear to God I am two seconds away from staking her ass.
"Oh." Buffy looks at me again with an unreadable expression.
Oh?
I would have gone with 'Well, what the fuck do you want then!?!' I almost say it too. Then I remember that Buffy likes it when I'm nice to her friends. I decide to stick to death stares and silent threats. Willow gets the gist of it.
"Buffy, can I talk to you for a moment?" She says it to B, but she looks at me while she's saying it. I know what she wants. Fuck that! I'm not going anywhere. Buffy either doesn't get it or she chooses to ignore the silent request... demand, whatever because she moves around a bit, leaning her elbow on my shoulder. Maybe she's forgotten that I'm even here.
"Sure, Will. You know that you can talk to me about anything." She leans forward, giving Rosenburg her full attention. I resist the urge to roll my eyes.
There's silence for a moment while everyone waits for Red to start speaking. Well, Buffy and I wait for Red to start speaking. Red's waiting for me to take the hint and leave the room. I place my feet on the coffee table as an indication that I'm not leaving anytime soon.
"Alone, Faith. If you don't mind." She finally says after a while.
Actually, I do mind. But I stand up when Buffy smiles at me.
"I'll be in the kitchen." I tell her. There's no way that I am leaving this house until Buffy kicks me out. Or, you know... asks me.
She smiles again and nods before I begin walking to where the food lives. I open the refrigerator and pull out the orange juice and a glass from the cupboard. It takes me a full thirty seconds to realize that I can still hear the conversation going on in the other room. Gotta love Slayer hearing. I tune in to the voices, jumping up onto the counter. She's just talking about a minor glitch in the system with Dog Boy.
Now I wish I was deaf.
I sit there, drink the OJ and desperately trying not to hear Rosenburg going on about the love of her life. Kinda hard to do with super powers.
"... He's my best friend, Buffy... After you. He's my best friend after you 'cause you're my best friend. He's my guy best friend... No, wait. I guess that would be Xander. He's my guy best friend that's my boyfriend. That should mean something, right. I mean he should listen to me."
Maybe he would if you'd shut up every now and again.
This conversation couldn't have waited until tomorrow? Honestly, who gives a flying fuck about Rosenburg's love life? Maybe she's only here 'cause she knew I would be. Wouldn't put it past her.
"Did you tell him that?" Okay, now even I can hear the slightly bored tone that Buffy's using.
There's a long pause and I start to think that maybe I really have gone deaf because I can't hear anything anymore. "...No." She finally says, quietly.
No? What the fuck? Go annoy your boy and leave Buffy to me.
"Well... Maybe you should tell him. I mean if you're not..."
Okay, that's it! I can't take anymore. I would gladly go back to hearing about Angel if it meant that Rosenburg would leave.
I jump down off the counter and wash my glass out before going outside. I lean against the side of the house, checking to see if this is a safe enough distance for my super hearing. I can hear mumbling but I can't make out the actual words anymore. Thank God.
I sit down, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it up. I like smoking. It's something to do if I'm bored or wired or if I want something to do with my hands. Plus there's the whole actually being addicted factor.
Buffy's always telling me I should quit. Apparently, it's bad for you or something. I'm so glad she told me because I don't know what I would have done without that handy little piece of information. Probably died of lung cancer. Oh wait... No I wouldn't. I'll be dead before I'm twenty five. B gets it, but she doesn't. I mean she hears the words - short lifespan - and she understands what it means, but she doesn't understand it in relation to us. If she did it wouldn't be so hard for me to get her to let go every now and again.
Rosenburg's still yammering on about her Boy Toy. How does that work, when the girl's taller than the guy? I've never had a problem with it before. It would be weird leaning down to kiss someone or, you know, other stuff. Actually, Buffy's shorter than I am; maybe she'll help me figure it out.
I have come to the conclusion that Willow is only here to monitor my time with Buffy. Every time I get a minute alone with her when we're not on patrol she manages to appear out of nowhere - like a virus. A couple of times could be coincidence, but almost every day? I think she might have some kind of sensor telling her when I'm going to be around. Like maybe I give off some kind of bad ass vibe so that all the nerds know when to vacate the immediate area and Rosenburg just ignores her basic instincts.
Maybe it's time to eliminate some of the competition. Up the stakes of our little contest. I know that if she wasn't around my chances with B would immediately double.
Oh, shut the fuck up, Faith! You don't have any chances with B and you know it. Double nothing and what do you get? I know you didn't finish high school, but I'm sure that even you can figure that one out. It has absolutely nothing to do with the geek factor.
But I just wanna...
No! You have no chances with Buffy. For fuck sake leave the poor girl alone. You're probably reducing her life expectancy to way below twenty-five. She'll die of a heart attack 'cause of something you said and then where will we be?
But it's fun.
Yeah, it is kinda fun.
Glad we're in agreement there.
Yeah. Like those cute faces she makes when... so not the point. The only way that girl is seeing the inside of your bed is if you knock her out caveman-style and drag her to it.
Hmmm...
Don't even think about it!
Hey! When did I grow a conscience, anyway? I thought those things were for losers and nuns.
Oh, don't worry. I won't hold you back when we're doing the really cool stuff.
Good to know. Now shut up. I've gotta think about some things.
Okay. Hey, we should go get blasted tonight, have some wicked-type fun.
Yeah, sounds good. You know, you're pretty cool for a conscience.
Thanks.
Now fuck off.
No need to be rude.
Great, in the space of five minutes my plan to 'seduce Buffy' has turn into my plan to 'forget Buffy'. Hope you're happy Rosenburg. Whatever you were hoping to achieve with your little stunt tonight worked.
I wish I was dead.
Buffy's P.O.V
"... And boy, you should have seen Cordy's face when she caught Xander looking at one of the cheerleaders. Not sure which one it was they all kind of look the same to me. Not that being a cheerleader is bad!" She looks at me, worried about my reaction to her negative cheerleader comments. "Cheerleading is good and very therapeutic if that's your thing. It's not my thing, but if that was your thing and some people liked cheerleading then Hey! It's a good thing. Cordy's face was pretty funny though. I'd pay a million dollars to see it again. If I had a million dollars, which I don't. So, I guess I can't pay a million dollars. But if I had it I would, definitely. Now, I'm wishing that I had a million dollars... You shoulda been there, Buff." She laughs.
Sounds like fun... I don't want to leave Faith alone for too long. If she gets antsy she might just leave.
"Yeah, I see that look on her face every day, Will. I saw it in the library today when he was looking at Faith... again." Her face darkens for a moment. What's that about? "So, you can keep your money because I'm sure that it will be there again tomorrow. Anyway, about Oz... Maybe you should go talk to him now. Get it all out in the open. Like a bandaid... or something."
I'm not really too sure why she's so upset about Oz talking to one of the guys in his band. I never realized that Willow was so possesive. Angel should appreciate the space that I let him have. In fact he should tell me more often how lucky he is. I'll have to remember to remind him tomorrow.
"Nah, he can wait." She waves her hand, dismissively. "Can I stay here with you for a while? It's just that I really don't want to go home right now." She gives me the puppy dog eyes.
Hey! I know that look! I invented that look. No wonder I get my own way a lot of the time. I should start using that more often. But I really wanted some Slayer-time with Faith tonight. Now, If I can just think of something polite to say...
Anything at all...
Work brain!
...
Damn it!"Sure, Will. Let me just go and get Faith."
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