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Chapter Six

"Buffy, are you listening to me?" Giles asked as he tapped on his desk with his pen. "Buffy?"

"Yes, I'm listening," she sighed out as she looked over at him from where she sat on the couch. "What did you say again?"

"Dr. Sonia is a Hell God."

"Great," she rolled her eyes. "Like I haven't dealt with one of those before."

"Sarcasm will get you nowhere," Giles said as he shook his head. "She is weak at the moment and according to the books that Andrew has so kindly brought for us, we have a very small window to defeat her. I just need to know that you are ready for this fight."

"I'm ready. The question is, are the others ready for this fight or not?"

"I believe some here are. I've also made some phone calls to others stationed around the world. Satsu is bringing her team in."

"Satsu?" Buffy's eyes went wide in shock as she felt the colour drain from her face. "Great."

It'd been far too long since she'd seen or spoken to Satsu. They didn't leave things on good terms between one another when she'd sent Satsu off to Tokyo to head up the squad they had set up there. She really didn't feel like having to see her again, much less have to fight side by side with her. It being awkward was an understatement. Buffy groaned as she buried her face in her hands, relaxing a little as Faith reached out and gently rubbed her shoulders.

Faith had been quiet the whole time they'd been in there having a meeting with Giles. It was partially the reason for her distraction and lack of paying full attention to the things Giles was telling both of them. She couldn't seem to keep her eyes off of Faith, nor could she stop thinking about her. Just feeling Faith's strong fingers work over the tense muscles in her neck and shoulder made her whole body hum and ache for more.

"She's a strong and quick slayer. We need her in this fight," Giles explained calmly as Buffy dropped her hands from her face and sat up a little. The look in Giles' eyes didn't go past her either. It was a cross between mild surprise and something else she couldn't quite put her finger on. "If all goes to plan, she'll only be here with her squad for a couple of days at most."

"Couple of days, B. Nothing you can't handle, right?"

"You have no idea."

"Faith, could I have a moment alone to speak to Buffy?"

"Sure thing," Faith said with a smile, giving Buffy's shoulders a gentle squeeze before standing up. "I'm gonna head down to the kitchen; you two want anything?"

"Tea would be nice," Giles replied and Faith nodded as she looked down at Buffy.

"You want anything, B?"

"I'm good. Thanks."

Buffy watched as Faith walked out of the office, smiling to herself when Faith turned to look back and flash a sweet smile at her before she stepped out and closed the door behind her. She shook her head, loving and hating how mesmerized she got around Faith, and looked over at Giles who looked rather amused at the little display that had just unfolded in front of him.

"I take it you two have made some recent developments in your relationship?"

"Something like that."

"And you still do not remember anything from before?" Giles asked as he closed the books that were open on his desk and began putting them away on the shelves that lined the wall behind him.

"Bits and pieces," Buffy replied as she looked over at the window and tried to hide the blush as it crept over her cheeks.

"Care to elaborate?"

"Dreams," she said softly. "Flashbacks of little things."

"Such as?" Giles asked, pushing the issue and not wanting to let it go just yet. When Buffy didn't answer him, he coughed and nodded his head. "I understand. You don't need to tell me those details. If you do, however, remember anything that isn't rather personal..."

"I'll tell you when and if I do," Buffy laughed. "Is it going to be hard to deal with Dr. Sonia? I mean I know we have enough of us to fight, but..."

"She's weak now, close to being as weak as a human. Unfortunately, even after finding out as much as we could about her, there is still nothing on why she's after you. Or us. The best we can all do right now is to prepare to fight her army."

Buffy leaned back on the couch and sighed out softly. She hated this part of her life. She hated leading, and even though she wasn't the only one leading the others, she still felt alone and hopeless that they all would walk away from this fight unscathed. Giles didn't seem too worried. Then again, she hadn't seen him get too worried about anything for a long time. She wondered if they'd all been through too much and seen too much to let anything get to their nerves anymore. They had seen too much, been through a lot, and it all seemed like the same old song and dance now.

It didn't help her feel any better about feeling as if she was walking into this alone.

She watched as Giles opened a small book and began to read, pacing the floor in front of his desk as he did so. She shook her head and turned to look out the window to the snow falling outside. It calmed her in ways she didn't know it could, and she relaxed even more when she felt that hum in her body intensify as Faith came back into the office carrying three cups of tea. Buffy smiled over at her as she placed Giles' cup on his desk and joined her back on the couch.

"I know you didn't want anything, but I figured you might change your mind."

"Thanks."

"Did I miss anything?" Faith asked quietly as she handed Buffy her mug and settled down on the couch close to her.

"No, not really."

Faith frowned as she reached out and gently rubbed Buffy's back. It melted her heart a little with how sweet and caring Faith was being with her. She was definitely full of surprises, and Buffy could not wait to find out what else there was about Faith that she didn't know or even suspect from her. Without even thinking about it, she leaned over and laid a light kiss on Faith's lips, minding the tea they both held in their hands. She pulled back when Giles cleared his throat, and she fought off the blush she could feel about to creep across her cheeks as she turned to look at him.

She kept spacing as he talked of plans to attack Dr. Sonia's army that was in the cave and the woods surrounding it. Daylight seemed like the best time to attack, but Faith pointed out that their best chance at taking them all out would be just after sunset. Buffy said nothing as she listened to the two of them talk, her sole focus on Faith's hand now at rest against her lower back and the fingers that teased her skin just above the waist of her jeans. She barely even noticed when Willow, Xander and Kennedy joined them, either. All she could think about now was Faith and the way her skin tingled under her light touch.

As soon as the meeting was over, she nearly leapt up from the couch, anxious to get Faith alone. It wasn't going to happen anytime soon. Xander wanted them all to spend the afternoon in the lounge just to spend a little bit of time together. Buffy was about to protest when Faith stepped up and challenged Xander to a game of pool. She could only roll her eyes and follow them to the lounge near the kitchen. A few of the younger slayers were in there, most of them watching a movie on the big screen. She sat down in one of the oversized armchairs, her eyes never once leaving Faith as she watched her head over to the pool table with Xander.

"You two are working everything out, aren't you?" Willow asked as she and Kennedy sat down in the armchair next to her, Willow practically sitting on Kennedy's lap. "Buffy?"

"Huh? Yeah," she laughed as she turned to look at the two of them, "we are working things out."

"And?"

"And what?"

"You don't remember anything, right? So how do you feel about her?" Willow asked quietly. "Or is this not a good time and place to be talking about this?"

"Will, isn't it obvious?" Kennedy asked, smirking as she stared right at Buffy. "It's like this puppy love thing going on with her right now. She can't keep her eyes off of Faith for more than a second. Although I don't blame her..."

"Excuse me?" Willow laughed as she poked Kennedy in the stomach. "Eyes here, missy."

Buffy couldn't help but laugh at the two of them. They'd always been so sweet, so loving, and so cute together. It did get to her at times, especially at the times that she was feeling lonely. She wondered if she'd ever have with Faith what Willow and Kennedy had. It was entirely possible with what she'd seen from Faith over the last couple of days, but would they get there sooner or later? Too many little questions that centered around Faith were going through her mind and she found it hard to focus on the conversation she was pretending to be interested in with Willow and Kennedy.

Her eyes were focused on just one person in the room: Faith. More importantly, she was focused on her delicious backside and the way her jeans clung to her just right. She could feel her eyes glazing over with lust, with desire, with want and need. Her whole body was aching for Faith. It'd never felt so much like torture before. She wanted her. Bad.

"Buffy?" Willow chuckled as she snapped her fingers. "Did you just hear a word I said?"

"Talk about déjà vu," Buffy said under her breath. "What were you saying, Will?"

"I was asking you how you felt about Satsu coming back."

"Oh."

"Oh?" Willow shook her head as she looked back at Faith for a moment. "She knows about you and Satsu."

"I know."

"And how does she feel about Satsu coming back here?"

Buffy shrugged. "We didn't get a chance to talk about it yet."

Just like that she slipped back into her own little world, surrounded by thoughts of Faith and what'd she do to her once she got her alone. Taking things slow was definitely not working for her and after that morning, she knew it wasn't working for Faith either. She smiled when Faith put the pool cue down on the table and slapped Xander playfully across the back. Words of defeat and promises of a rematch were spoken before Faith walked over and sat on the edge of the chair Buffy was still sitting in. Faith leaned down and gave Buffy a light kiss to the side of her head, smiling ever so sweetly down at her before she reached for Buffy's hand and pulled her to her feet.

Neither of them said a word. Well, Buffy knew she didn't. She wasn't sure if Faith did or not since all she could hear was her heart thumping loudly in her chest as Faith pulled her towards the door. Buffy felt like she was floating. She felt nervous and anxious at the same time. She came to a stop when she realized that Faith was heading for the training room instead of the stairs.

"Where are we going?"

"Gonna get an hour or two of training in, B. You heard what Giles said earlier, didn't you?"

"Uh..."

"Don't tell me," Faith chuckled as she stopped and slowly began to back Buffy up against the wall. "You were too busy thinking of me to pay attention to a word he was saying. Am I right or am I right?"

"Are you always so confidently cocky?"

"Not always, but I do like to think I have my moments," she winked and stepped away from Buffy just as her lips were mere inches away. "You didn't answer my question though, Twinkie."

"What question?" Buffy asked, looking oblivious until it hit her and she found herself blushing. She let Faith tug on her hand as she pulled her into the training room. "Yeah, I was."

Faith let out a low, throaty laugh as she turned to face Buffy. "What were you thinking about?"

"You..." she replied shakily, trying to muster up some confidence she knew was hidden deep down to tell her what she'd really been thinking about.

"And let me guess," Faith whispered as she licked her lips slowly. "You were thinking about all the naughty things you want to do to me?"

Buffy nodded her head, unable to speak or to stop the deep blush that she felt over her entire body. Faith took a look around the empty training room, making sure they were completely alone before she pulled Buffy in close and crushed her lips against hers in an intensely passionate kiss. Buffy's hands were instantly intertwined in Faith's hair, holding her close as Faith swept her hands down her back and stopped at her hips.

"Faith..."

"This slow thing..."

"Not going to work," Buffy breathed out in between the delicious torturous assault of Faith's lips and tongue against her own.

"No."

"Should we..."

"Yours or mine?" Faith asked breathlessly as she pulled back just enough to stare into Buffy's eyes. "Unless you're feeling a little daring and..."

"No," Buffy laughed as she stopped Faith from leaning in to kiss her again. "Training room is definitely off limits."

She was beginning to feel a little nervous again, though she was more excited than anything else. Faith's eyes were darker than normal, hazed over by lust and desire as she walked backwards, holding both of Buffy's hands in her own as she made her way to the training room doorway. Their eyes never once left each other's until they were out in the corridor. Buffy stopped when she felt like she'd hit an invisible wall and got the breath knocked out of her.

"Buffy?"

Faith's voice sounded faint as Buffy felt the edges of reality tear away. The images, the memories, flashed back all at once, making it hard to breathe and focus. She remembered the attack, walking out there that night wanting her life to end. She remembered the pain and the soft whispers of wanting to see Faith again that she'd spoken before she'd passed out. She remembered the way she felt when Faith had shown up. She remembered the hours they talked as if they were friends, long-time friends just catching up. She remembered the way Faith would just look at her, so much love and caring in her eyes, and she remembered the way the butterflies had come alive inside of her when Faith told her she was in love with her.

She could still hear Faith saying her name, asking her if she was okay, but she was too lost in the rush of her memories as they came back to answer her. She stumbled back, letting go of Faith's hands as she remembered the overwhelming feel of the bloodlust coursing through her veins. She remembered what it felt like to bite her, to drink from her, and how willing Faith had been until the moral part of herself kicked in and told her it was wrong, told her to stop.

She remembered that night they were together, how much she desired Faith, how intense it'd been. How passionate it'd been when they'd taken it slow and how wild and feral it'd been when it got out of control. She remembered how much she craved Faith every second they were apart, and it was no different than the way she'd been feeling all day.

"Buffy?" Faith repeated as she wrapped her arms around her and held her close. "You okay?"

"I'm...fine," she managed to gasp out as she blinked away the burning hot tears that filled her eyes. "Oh god, I think I need to..."

"Need to what, B?"

"Sit down for a minute," she whispered as she held onto Faith, feeling as if she'd been drained completely of all her strength. "God, that was intense."

"What was?"

"Everything..."

Faith looked at her, confused at what she was getting at as she led her over to one of the benches that lined the wall just outside the training room. She sat them both down with her arms still wrapped around Buffy's trembling body.

"I'm sorry I..."

"Buffy, its okay. Just tell me what happened."

"I remember it all," she whispered as she looked at Faith through the tears. "I remember everything. God, what have I been putting you through this last week, Faith?"

"Hell," she chuckled softly and brought their lips together for a tender, light kiss. "Don't worry about it, okay?"

"Faith, how can you say that?"

"Cos," she shrugged as Buffy laid her head on her shoulder. "Just kept holding onto the good memories we had together. Got me through this past week. Barely."

"Faith, I'm..."

"Shh," she said softly, rocking slightly with Buffy as she tried to calm her down. "You are sorry, I know. It's not like it was your fault or anything, you know?"

She nodded as she closed her eyes, still feeling dizzy and a little bit numb from the surge of memories that had hit her so fast and out of nowhere. Everything was beginning to make a lot of sense now, from her conflicted feelings over Faith to finally allowing herself to just feel instead of pushing those feelings aside. The run-in with Dr. Sonia's vampires also began to make a lot of sense. When she'd found herself surrounded the first time, she remembered seeing Dr. Sonia there, watching as they tried to tear her apart, piece by piece. She shook her head and forced back the tears. There was no sense in crying about it now. There were things she needed to know, things needed to hear, and the only one who could tell her was Faith.

"How could you still...love me even after I..."

"I just did," Faith whispered as she held her close. "I guess it's one of those unconditional love things. No clue. I never questioned it, still don't."

"I'm sorry for being such a bitch."

"Nah, its cool, B. Really. Besides," Faith chuckled as she gently ran her fingers over Buffy's jaw and tilted her head up to look at her. "You came around and everything was starting to kind of fall into place again between us. Can't tell you how happy I was when you dropped the bitchy attitude out of nowhere."

"It wasn't out of nowhere. I couldn't get you out of my head. I couldn't stop thinking about you no matter how hard I tried. The more I thought about you and how I really felt, the easier it got to just finally admit how I felt about you to myself."

"There's one thing I'm relieved about."

"What? That I remember everything now?"

"No," she laughed as she shook her head. "I thought for sure you were going to kick my ass after the spell turned you back. I'd never seen you so angry before. It was kind of scary. I really thought you would try to kill me or something."

"God," Buffy sighed as she kissed her lightly. "I am so sorry for putting you through all this, Faith. I'm..."

"You don't need to keep apologizing, Buffy. I get it, okay?"

"I was just going to say I'm sorry that this kind of killed the mood," she said softly.

Faith laughed as she stood up and pulled Buffy up with her. "Didn't kill the mood. Not really. I still...want you. Bad."

"But?" Buffy asked, knowing Faith was hesitating.

"But I think you should talk to Giles. He's gonna want to know you remember everything now. I think this is gonna give us a better chance at bringing Dr. Sonia and her army of vamps down. This can wait between us, B."

Buffy nodded her head and pulled Faith in for a kiss. She knew she had to tell Giles that she remembered everything and she wasn't looking forward to having that talk with him either. Especially when the only thing on her mind was wanting desperately to be alone with Faith, to make love to her and with her all night long. She just wanted to be with Faith and forget about the rest of the world for the night. She wanted to forget about everything that had happened in the last month, the last year. She wanted to drop it and move on. Faith tried to pull away from the kiss, but she moaned softly as Buffy ran her hands down the length of her back and kissed her deeper.

Faith smiled against her lips as she ran her hands over Buffy's ass and gave it a little squeeze. She pulled back from the kiss and Buffy's insistent lips. "I'm on to you, B. I know what you're trying to do here."

"What's that?"

"Avoid talking to Giles because all you can think about is..." she said as she leaned in and grunted softly into Buffy's ear. "You go talk to him and come find me when you're done. I'll be in my room, all right?"

Buffy nodded and gave her one last kiss before they went their separate ways. She took the shortest route to Giles' office and found him sitting behind his desk with his nose in a book as usual. He barely looked up as she closed the door behind her and walked up to the desk. She cleared her throat to get his attention and he laughed softly as he closed the book and pushed his glasses up on his nose.

"What can I do for you, Buffy?"

"I thought you'd want to know that I uh...remember everything now."

"Everything? Are you certain?"

"I am," she nodded as she sat in the chair closest to her. "I also remember the attack from before. Dr. Sonia was there."

"Doing what exactly?"

"Watching."

Giles stood up and grabbed a book off the shelf behind him and sat back down heavily. "This changes everything. You do realize that, don't you?"

"How come this changes everything?"

"If she was behind the previous attack this means she's up to something bigger than we have anticipated. I'm afraid we'll have to start over with the research on her background and try to find out her motive for the second attack. This is more than just revenge, Buffy. I'm afraid she may want to take down all of us and she is going to start with you and Faith."

"What are we going to do?"

"Stick with the original plan," he replied as he reached for the phone and picked it up. "Get some rest, Buffy. The others will be arriving bright and early in the morning."

"Great," she said as she rolled her eyes and got up from the chair. "I'll see you in the morning, Giles."

"Goodnight, Buffy."

She smiled at him and stepped out into the corridor. She was relieved the talk had been quick, mostly because she couldn't wait to get back to Faith, but also because she didn't want Giles asking her questions about what she was doing or thinking when her memories came back. That was definitely something she never wanted to talk about with Giles. It was bad enough he already knew a lot of intimate and private details about her and Faith's relationship prior to her being turned back. She shrugged it off as she approached Faith's room and lifted her hand to knock.

She paused to think back on the last week, how she'd felt at first when she woke to how she felt about Faith. They were together, weren't they? It wasn't like they hadn't made some kind of progress in her amnesia state of mind either. The progress had been slower, but it was still progress nonetheless. It was different seeing that side of Faith, the sweet and gentle side of her she never showed anyone else. It was that side of her she'd gotten to see during all those hours they spent together while Buffy had lain on the bed recovering from her injuries that made her really fall in love with her. It was that side of Faith again that had made her rethink and realize her feelings, just like she had before everything had taken a turn for the worse a month back.

Faith was full of surprises; she knew that. Last night had been evidence of it as well. She'd never known Faith to hold herself back, to show so much restraint. She had to take a moment to appreciate that side of Faith and she had to push down her own urges to do just that. She knocked on the door quietly and waited for Faith to open the door. She heard some shuffling coming from inside the room and her heart began to race when she heard the lock on the door click open.

"That was quick," Faith smirked as soon as she opened the door. "Did you tell him or did you..."

"I told him."

"And?"

"Can we not talk about this right now?" Buffy asked as she closed the door behind her and locked it. "Because I so don't want to do anything else right now other than kiss you."

"And?" Faith breathed out softly as she grabbed Buffy's hands in her own and walked backwards towards the bed.

"And I want to forget about everything just for tonight," she whispered as she let Faith's eager fingers pull her shirt up and over her head. "I want to make love to you all night long, Faith. I want to fall asleep in your arms and wake up in the morning and worry about everything then. But for right now, for tonight, I just want to be with you."

"For someone who didn't want to talk about anything you sure..."

Buffy grabbed her then and kissed her deeply as they fell back onto the bed together. Their clothes came off slowly, both of them focusing more on kissing one another than anything else. Faith broke back from the kiss as the last of their clothes came off and she smiled down at Buffy as she lowered herself on top of her. Buffy felt nervous, shy almost, as their eyes locked in an intense gaze. She ran her hands down Faith's back, feeling her shiver under her touch. She felt it then, their souls connecting in the same way they had before. It was an amazing feeling, and as she listened to Faith suddenly taking deep, shuddering breaths, she knew that Faith could feel it too.

"You okay?" Buffy asked softly, not moving an inch as she waited for Faith to say something. "Faith?"

"Just feels surreal, B. Keep thinking I'm gonna wake up any minute now and this is just a dream."

Buffy smirked as she reached down and gently pinched her butt. "It's definitely not a dream."

"I kept wondering before what it'd feel like to feel your warmth, feel your breath on me. To feel your heart beating just as quickly as my own."

"You're getting all poetic on me," Buffy laughed softly as she raised her hips up slightly into Faith's, both of them groaning at the contact. "You never stop surprising me, you know that?"

Faith blushed as she ran her hand down the length of Buffy's body and slowly trailed it back up and cupped her cheek gently. "It feels like the first time all over again."

They were quiet and still for what felt like minutes when Buffy knew it was only seconds. There was something so intense just lying there beneath her, so raw and passionate. As soon as their lips met, the rest of the world really did melt away as they got lost in each other. Buffy never knew what feeling complete was like until she found something in Faith that made her feel whole. She'd found something real in Faith, something deep, and she was going to do all that she could to keep her in her life no matter what tomorrow or the next day would bring.

The slow, tender lovemaking soon turned into wild passion and the room filled with pleasurable moans and gasps as they brought each other over the edge again and again. She wasn't sure when she'd fallen asleep, but when she woke the sun was just rising and Faith was sleeping soundly next to her. She felt different than she had the night before and she slipped out of bed, wrapping the sheet around her as she walked to the window and looked outside. She felt different as in weak, and she knew it wasn't just from spending most of the night making love with Faith.

It was something else. Something she feared since the first time they'd all been stripped of their slayer abilities. She heard Faith stir in the bed and she slowly walked back over and laid down next to her.

"Hey," Faith said softly as she leaned over and kissed her. "Did last night really happen?"

"Yeah."

"Pretty fucking amazing, though, wasn't it?"

"Oh yeah," Buffy smiled, running her fingers over Faith's stomach as she curled up next to her. "I don't even remember falling asleep."

"It was right after you begged me to stop cos you couldn't take anymore," Faith chuckled as she reached for Buffy's hand currently drawing light, random patterns over her stomach and intertwined their fingers. "Didn't want the night to end, you know?"

"Me neither. Felt like I was in a dream I never wanted to wake up from. The whole night just felt..."

"Amazing?"

"Besides that," Buffy laughed as she laid a light kiss on Faith's shoulder. "It felt...like I was drunk on you. Does that make any sense?"

"It does."

"Yesterday was one hell of a long day. What a way to end it, though," she smiled up at her. "And I can definitely get used to waking up next to you every morning like this. If that's what you want, that is..."

"Buffy, after everything we've been through together in the last month, do you really think I'm not gonna want this?"

Faith just held her close, both of them drifting back to sleep slowly. It was still too early to wake up and Buffy wasn't looking forward to the events she knew would unfold throughout the day. She let those thoughts go as she gave in to the pull of sleep, feeling the weakness in her body worsen with every breath she took. It didn't matter now. She'd worry about it all later.


 

Chapter Seven

Buffy woke for the second time that morning feeling drained. She could barely even lift her head from Faith's shoulder and she knew then that something was seriously wrong with her. She'd never felt so drained in her life before, not even through those weeks where she'd lain on the uncomfortable bed in the infirmary. She took a deep breath and again tried to lift her head, letting out a choked sob when she couldn't. It took a few more tries before she was able to move enough to roll away from Faith and onto her back.

"B, it's still early, go back to sleep," Faith said softly, half asleep and her eyes barely open. "Buffy?"

"I...Faith, something is wrong with me," she whispered as Faith's eyes shot open. "I feel weak. Drained."

"And not just because of..." Faith asked and when Buffy shook her head no she sat up in alarm. "Shit."

Buffy watched as Faith used her cell to call Giles and Willow before quickly getting dressed. She next helped Buffy get dressed and sat with her on the bed, arms wrapped around her protectively. Buffy tried not to cry. It was useless to cry over something until she at least had some idea of what was happening. When the knock came on the door, Faith slipped off the bed and let Giles and Willow inside. Of course Kennedy was right behind them, but Faith shook her head no before closing the door and quickly locking it.

"Buffy, what's the matter?" Giles asked as they both watched Willow pull out one of her spell books.

"I...I don't know."

"Do you feel weak?" Willow asked as she reached out and touched Buffy's damp forehead. "Fever," she said under her breath. "Buffy? Do you feel weak, drained? Almost as if you are sick?"

"Yes."

Willow nodded her head slowly as she let her hands hover over Buffy's body, muttering under her breath softly as a soft blue glow emanated from her hands. She stood back and sighed as she closed the book she had open on the bed. She looked down at Buffy then over at Faith and Giles before letting out another sigh.

"What is it?" Faith demanded.

"She's drained because of the memories. Giles, why didn't you tell me she got her memories back?" Willow asked as she backhanded him across the shoulder. "This is one of the side effects."

"I err...it never occurred to me that it would be this crippling."

"How long is she gonna be feeling like this?" Faith asked as she sat down on the bed next to Buffy. "How long, Red?"

"Few days at most," Willow replied. "She should be feeling slightly better by tonight, but she's definitely not in any shape to walk into the fight with Dr. Sonia and her vampire army."

"I have to fight," Buffy whispered as she slumped against Faith. "I have to."

She knew she had to be a part of this fight. She couldn't let Faith, Satsu, or any of the others just walk into this without her there by their side. If anything happened to any of them, she'd feel responsible. She already had enough guilt to deal with. She couldn't handle having anymore weighing her down.

"You can't fight, B. You'll have to stay here," Faith whispered as she kissed her lightly on the top of her head. "We can handle ourselves, okay?"

"We'll have to put you in the safe room," Giles said softly, "with the others who can't fight. We must be prepared for anything and we cannot have an attack on the castle without protecting you and the others."

Being put in the safe room would mean she'd be in there with Dawn, Xander, and the youngest of the slayers. She knew there was no way she could argue her way out of this, either. Her life would be put at stake and she couldn't even move. She had to do what was right and sit this fight out. She knew she could count on Faith, Kennedy, and Satsu to look out for the slayers while they fought. She knew that of all of them, those three would be able to handle it and take care of themselves. None of that removed her fears that she may not ever see any of them again.

"I'm going to brief the girls. Satsu and her squad have just arrived. Faith?" Giles said as he and Willow walked towards the door. "I'll need you to come down for the briefing."

"Sure thing, G."

"Now," he said sternly as Willow opened the door and walked out.

Faith rolled her eyes and gave Buffy a gentle kiss on the lips before getting up from the bed. Buffy couldn't stop the silent `sorry' that escaped when Faith looked back at her. This was not how she wanted to wake up after the amazing night they'd had together. Faith just blew her a kiss, smiled, and winked before she stepped out into the corridor behind Giles and closed the door slowly.

Mustering up enough strength to pull the covers over herself, she closed her eyes as she buried her face into the pillow. She was shaking now, mostly from feeling cold even though the room was warming up from the sunlight that poured in through the window. She hated feeling so weak, so drained. It made her feel...human. Normal. What she often wished for, but not in this way. She let the tears fall; tears of what she wasn't sure: Self-pity, guilt, pain, weakness, happiness, love, fear? She felt empty inside, she felt lost, but it wasn't because Faith was no longer there by her side. It was because of how she felt.

She couldn't stop shaking, couldn't stop the tears from falling. After what felt like hours, she felt the bed dip down next to her and Faith's warm, strong arms were sliding around her and holding her close. She managed to relax just a little as Faith placed small, feather-light kisses along her neck and jaw. She smiled at the loving gesture, but still couldn't stop the tears from falling. She turned around in Faith's arms, reaching up and gently tracing her fingers over her lips.

"How'd it go?"

"You know that Satsu is a bitch?" Faith asked softly and it made Buffy laugh. "How you feeling, B?"

"No better."

"Are you cold?"

"Freezing," she nodded in reply.

Faith sighed as she leaned her forehead against Buffy's and they stayed just like that for a few moments. Buffy closed her eyes, revelling in the warmth coming from Faith as she held her close. "You're burning up."

"Am I?"

"Yeah," Faith said softly as she gave her a light, chaste kiss. "Maybe I should get you something, some soup or tea to help you warm up?"

"I'm fine."

"Buffy, you're shaking like a leaf. You are definitely not fine."

"It'll pass. Besides, Willow said it's only going to last a couple of days. I'll pull through it. Always do."

"I wish I could stay with you tonight," Faith said softly, her voice cracking slightly.

"When are you leaving?"

"In a couple of hours. We're gonna head to the caves. Wait it out till sunset and then attack," she replied as she reached up and quickly wiped away Buffy's tears. "We're gonna fight them and win this battle, B. It'll be okay."

"What if..."

"Don't," she said sharply. "Don't think like that. We'll get through it and I'll come back to you in one piece."

"And if not?"

"Don't wanna think about the `if not' part," Faith replied as she let a few of her own tears fall. "We've been through a lot lately and I don't wanna keep going through the bad shit together. After this...I'm requesting a very long vacation, just you and me."

"Oh yeah?" Buffy smiled as she leaned back a little to look into Faith's eyes more clearly. "Where are we going to go?"

"Somewhere warm, somewhere with a beach that's low on the vamp and demon population. I don't know," she laughed as she shrugged her shoulders, "wherever you wanna go, B."

"I haven't been on a real vacation in a long time."

"Me neither. I've never actually been on one unless you count running from my personal demons a vacation."

"Yeah, that doesn't count."

Faith chuckled softly as she rolled onto her back and pulled Buffy with her. "Didn't think so."

"How long do we have?"

"Couple hours," Faith replied. "Why?"

"Will you stay here with me until you have to leave?"

"Kind of the plan," she smiled down at her. "I'm gonna take you to the safe room before we have to leave. Willow needs to do the spell to bring up some kind of barrier just in case."

"I want to fight."

"I know, but you aren't in any shape to fight with us tonight. We'll deal with it, okay? It'll be fine, B. Everything will be fine."

She knew Faith was trying to be strong, she could hear it in the way she spoke, but even she was having doubts. Her voice trembled just a little and she was scared, terrified even, of walking into this fight not knowing what the outcome could be. This was a part of their life, though. If it wasn't one thing it was always something else. Buffy definitely needed a vacation, and there was no one else she wanted to spend a few weeks with, off alone somewhere remote, than Faith. Maybe the others could come with them. Surely they all needed a vacation. It did seem doable as long as they got through the fight with Dr. Sonia and her army of vampires.

"What about Angel?" Buffy asked, suddenly remembering he was still there even though she hadn't seen or spoken to him since that night in the cemetery.

"He's still here," Faith replied as she slowly ran her fingers through Buffy's hair. "He's gonna fight with us. He'll be late for the party, though, with us heading out before sunset and all."

"Yeah."

"B?" Faith sighed as she ran her fingers down Buffy's back. "Last night was...probably the best night of my life."

"Yeah?" Buffy smiled as she looked up at her. "I'll let you in on a little secret. It was the best night of my life too."

"Never knew how good it'd feel to be in love," Faith whispered as she pulled Buffy up a little and kissed her softly. "Never knew I could be in love. Guess it was one of those things I had to just let happen. Keep thinking that I never was able to be in love before cos it wasn't with you."

"When did you become such a sap?"

"The day I confessed my love for you," she replied with a sweet smile that melted Buffy's heart. "I'm still pretty insecure about a lot of things, you know?"

"Oh really?" Buffy teased as she poked her in the stomach. "Like I didn't realize that already."

"You've been patient with me and I have no idea why."

"I'll let you in on another little secret," Buffy whispered as she gathered enough strength to straddle Faith's hips. "Love makes you do the wacky."

"That's your secret?"

"Well, it's not really a secret."

"Care to explain?"

"Well," Buffy smiled as she leaned down to kiss her, letting it last just a few seconds before she pulled back, "when you are in love you don't let anything stop you. You don't let anything get in the way of getting what you want. I'm patient with you because I've seen a side of you that makes me want to let you come out of your shell, one step at a time. I'm patient because I know you need me to be and I'm more than willing to take this as slow or as fast as you want to."

"We did kinda go pretty fast, didn't we?"

"There isn't really any kind of rules when it comes to relationships. You know how long it took me to figure that one out?"

"No, how long?"

"Too long," Buffy whispered, and she smiled as Faith slowly rolled them over so she was on top. "I actually didn't figure it out until you."

They kissed softly at first, testing the waters and just taking things slow. Faith was holding back and Buffy knew why. She was still weak, but she wasn't too weak to kiss the woman she was in love with until she felt as if her lungs were about to burst. Her body was aching for her touch and she knew it'd have to wait for when she got her strength back. It didn't stop her from slipping her hands under Faith's shirt and dragging her nails up and down her back in a way that made Faith moan out softly and grind her hips down against hers. The kiss grew deeper, more passionate, as they let their hands wander, their bodies melting into one another's as the world slipped away just for a few moments in time.

Faith's fingers tripped over the waistband of Buffy's sweatpants, but she pulled away from the kiss as Buffy's hand fell over hers. "B, are you..."

"I'm weak, but not that weak," she whispered as she pushed Faith's hand inside her sweat pants, encouraging her to touch her. She didn't want to beg for her touch, but her body was craving it too much.

"B," Faith groaned as she slipped her hand lower, her fingers brushing over Buffy's clit through her thin cotton panties. Buffy closed her eyes as her own fingers fumbled with the buttons on Faith's jeans. "Are you sure you're feeling up to this?"

"Yes," she whimpered softly with every teasing pass of Faith's fingers over her clit.

Their lips crashed together as Buffy slid her hand inside of Faith's pants, groaning in approval on finding she wore nothing underneath. Buffy wanted their clothes gone, she wanted to feel Faith fully against her, and she began to tug on Faith's shirt with her other hand. Faith sighed into the kiss, managing to grab onto Buffy's hand and pin it to the mattress as she slipped past her panties and plunged two fingers deep and hard inside of her.

They both stopped when they heard the other door inside the bathroom open, and they pulled apart just in time to see Kennedy open the door and stand there with a smug smile on her face.

"Check out the lust bunnies," she laughed as she leaned against the door frame. "You two just can't keep your hands off of each other, can you?"

"What the fuck are you doing in here?" Faith growled as she got up from the bed and helped Buffy sit up. "And have you fucking heard about knocking first?"

"I tried that," Kennedy replied slyly as she eyed both Faith and Buffy up and down. "But I'm thinking you two were too into each other to hear me knocking on the door for the last ten minutes."

"What the fuck do you want, K?"

"We're getting ready to head out earlier than planned. We gotta get Buffy down to the safe room right now."

"Giles said..."

"I know what he said. I was there too, remember?" Kennedy snapped. "We need to extract the civilians that are being held in the cave, at least the ones that are still alive. We can't do that when the sun sets."

Buffy sighed as she tried to stand on her own, and Faith rushed to her side before she could fall back down on the bed. Faith scooped her up in her arms and followed Kennedy as she made her way to the safe room, which was actually one of seven cellars in the castle. Faith put Buffy down on one of the three couches and gave her a long, lingering kiss. Buffy could feel everyone's eyes on them, but she didn't care. She wanted to say goodbye to the love of her life properly, just in case something did happen to her. Giles gently cleared his throat, ending the kiss between the two of them, and Faith gave her a big, dimpled grin as she followed them out of the room, the heavy steel door closing behind her with a loud clunk.

There was about twenty of them down there and even in the flickering candlelight she could barely make out Dawn and Xander off in the far corner talking quietly to each other. Buffy pulled the throw blanket over her as she curled up on the couch and tried to drown out the soft whispers of everyone around her.

"Buffy," Xander said softly as he sat down next to her, startling her a little. "How are you feeling?"

"No better, no worse."

"They'll all make it back," he said softly as he pulled her so she was sitting up and wrapped his arms around her. "We're all worried right now, Buffy."

"Yeah," she forced a half-hearted smile as she gave him a gentle squeeze. "I just wanted to be there. This isn't their fight. It's mine."

"It concerns you, so this not just your fight."

"He's right, you know?" Dawn said as she sat down next to Xander. "We're all in on this. Even if it wasn't you, we'd still be fighting. Dr. Sonia betrayed us all, Buffy. Every single one of us."

"But she started this with me."

"I know," Dawn frowned as she wrapped her arms around Xander and Buffy. "And it's going to end without you. We really don't have a choice and neither do you."

Buffy sighed as she pushed Xander away from her and leaned back into the couch. She knew they were both trying to be there for her, but it wasn't working. It was making her feel horrible and dejected that she wasn't out there fighting next to Faith, Kennedy, Satsu, and the rest of the slayers. This was her army, at least it felt like it most of the time, and she should be leading them, not cowering away in the cellar protected by a magical barrier in case things went wrong. If one of them went down or all of them went down, she should go down with them.

The room became restless after the first hour passed. It was almost sunset. Buffy didn't need a clock to tell her that, she could just sense it, feel it, even down there in the cellar. Her body was aching to fight even in its weakened state. Her body was aching for Faith, but she'd pushed that down knowing it'd have to wait. She curled up on the couch and laid her head against Xander's shoulder. He let out a soft sigh as he put his arm around her. She would have made a comment about him being in between both Summers women, but she let that thought go when she knew he didn't see it that way anymore. He was in love with Dawn and that was the only woman he even thought of.

It pained her sometimes to know what a good man he was and that at one point, years ago, she had her chance and she pushed him away. It was for the better in the end. He was one of her best friends even though in the last couple of years she hadn't been treating him like one. He understood, though, just like he always did. She looked over at Dawn, who had her head against his other shoulder, and they shared a small, knowing smile between them.

By the second hour, most of the younger girls had settled down, scattered throughout the room. Nobody spoke now, and the heavy silence made Buffy feel as if she was trapped underwater. She could hear the steady beat of Xander's heart and the beat of her own and of Dawn's. All three of their hearts beat in time, calm yet not. Buffy pushed back off of Xander, feeling her weakness beginning to slip away bit by bit. She stood up on shaky legs and walked over to the cooler, reaching inside to retrieve bottles of water for herself and Dawn, and a Coke for Xander.

"Thanks," he said softly. "Feeling better, are you?"

"Getting there."

"Are you worried about what's happening out there right now?"

"Yeah," she nodded as she sat back down next to him and handed Dawn her drink. "I'm trying not to think of the worst case scenario right now. It's hard."

"Yeah," Xander nodded. "They can handle themselves, Buffy. They are all strong and well trained. Dr. Sonia and her vamps won't know what hit them."

"I just don't know why Giles didn't stay with us."

"He stayed behind with a couple of the girls to keep an eye on the castle just in case. Someone had to do it, you know?"

"What about Willow? I know she's strong, but can she really take on Dr. Sonia?"

"With Faith and Satsu and Kennedy, yeah, she can."

"Can you two talk about something else? Anything else?" Dawn asked as she sat back and glanced between the two of them. "I don't think sitting here worrying about what's happening and talking about it is going to make us feel any better."

"What else are we going to talk about?" Buffy asked her, trying to keep from sounding irritated and failed.

"Now probably isn't the time to mention it," Dawn said softly as Xander shook his head no quickly. "We wanted to wait to tell everyone."

"Dawnie..." Xander groaned as he moved from the couch, clearly afraid of how Buffy was going to react. "Can't this wait until after we get out of this situation?"

"It just happened," Dawn said as she ignored him and moved to sit closer to Buffy. "It's not like we weren't careful or anything, Buffy."

"What just happened?"

"I'm pregnant."

Buffy sat there completely shell shocked for several minutes, barely breathing, not even blinking as she tried to absorb what her little sister had just told her. Pregnant? She shook her head as soon as the shock began to wear off and tried not to get angry and over-react. She had to keep telling herself that Dawn was an adult now and that she and Xander were in a loving relationship. No matter what, though, she still couldn't get the anger to subside.

"Are you kidding me?"

"No."

"How the fu...Dawn!" Buffy sighed out as she shook her head and downed the entire bottle of water in one gulp. "How long were you two going to keep this from me? From everyone else?"

"Not long. I just found out the other day," she said quietly as the tears began to fall uncontrollably. "You hate me, don't you?"

"Dawnie..."

Nearly everyone in the room were now paying attention to the two of them, some of them completely clueless as to what had already unfolded and others hanging on every word. Buffy let the anger flow through her, controlling it and stopping herself from saying things she knew would hurt Dawn. Once the anger went through her she let out a deep breath and pulled Dawn in for a hug. With everything that had happened, this should be good news. She just couldn't help but feel a little bitter and upset about it. Her little sister was pregnant, was going to be a mother when Buffy knew she'd probably never be one herself.

They held onto each other, both of them crying for a little while, until Buffy pulled back and wiped away Dawn's tears, smiling at her as she forced Dawn to look right at her. She knew what she wanted to say; that she was happy for them and that she was crying tears of happiness. But that was at best a partial truth, and felt too much like a lie.

"Please say something, Buffy."

"What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know," Dawn sobbed as she furiously wiped away her own tears. "You are upset, aren't you?"

"A little bit, yeah. Add in a little shocked and a bit of happiness and that's about what I'm feeling right now."

"You don't hate me, do you?"

"Why would I hate you, Dawnie?" Buffy asked with a laugh as she pulled her back in for another hug. "I could never hate you. It's not like this is just a one-night stand. This is Xander and I know how much you love him and how much he loves you. Are you two going to..."

"Keep the baby?" Dawn asked and Buffy nodded her head yes. "Of course. We didn't even think twice about it."

"And you two are going to raise this baby where? Here?"

"We were thinking of it. I know it's probably not the wisest decision, but we'd be safe here, wouldn't we?"

Buffy nodded and sat back on the couch, willing away her own tears as she tried to smile at Dawn and play the role of the supportive big sister. To say she never wanted to hear that her baby sister was pregnant was an understatement. She had halfway expected this, though, from the day she found out that Dawn and Xander were seeing each other. It'd take awhile for the initial shock to really wear off, she knew that, and she kind of wished that Willow was there when she was told the news. She could really use the support of her other best friend, especially with Xander cowering on a chair in the furthest corner, trying to avoid her.

By the time the third hour rolled around, the girls had situated themselves in a circle on the floor and were sharing stories of their childhood while they played a game of poker. Dawn had fallen asleep on the couch and her head was in Buffy's lap. She couldn't help but choke up a little every time she glanced down at her. She was really a woman now, no longer a child or a teenager. She hadn't been for a long time, but it was the first time Buffy could look at her and really see the changes she'd gone through. Xander still hadn't looked over at her and he still sat in the same chair, aimlessly flipping through one of the many books that had been stored down there over the years.

The fourth hour came and went, and Buffy felt herself drifting in and out of sleep, always waking just as she began to slip into her dreams. She was still worried about Faith, about the others, and it was only increasing with every minute and every hour that passed. She could still feel Faith, their connection, and it was still as strong as it ever had been. She tried to push those worrying thoughts out of her head. She wasn't a worrier, but she really couldn't help it. The woman she loved was out there fighting for her life along with her friends, her family, and her former lover. She eventually did fall asleep, tuning out the soft whispers of the girls there in the room around them.

She was woken up about seven hours after they'd come down there by the sound of footsteps running down the stairs towards the heavy steel door. Everyone in the room was on alert as the spell was lifted and the door opened slowly. Buffy was on her feet instantly, ready for the worst and she felt her heart swell just a little when she saw Faith there on the other side of the door once she'd opened it all the way.

Faith was looking exhausted, her clothes were dirty, bloody and torn, but she had a smile on her face as she walked over to Buffy slowly. She was limping and holding onto her side where the blood was the darkest, and Buffy wrapped her arms around her carefully, her eyes brimming with tears as their lips gradually met in the softest of kisses. She could barely hear the sound of Giles' voice telling everyone it was safe to come out. She was so lost in Faith that she didn't care. All she cared was that she was okay and that she'd come back in one piece, just as she'd promised.

"How hurt are you?" Buffy asked as she reluctantly pulled away from the kiss.

"Not bad. I'll live. Need a couple stitches, though."

"And the others?"

"All here, all alive," she replied, then gasped as Buffy touched her left side as she tried to lift her bloody shirt. "Vamp got me with a sword. Didn't hit anything vital."

"And Angel?"

"He's fine," Faith smiled. "We took the bitch down, all thanks to Willow. She sure has some wicked skills. I feel bad I ever underestimated her before."

"Come on," Buffy laughed as she headed for the door. "Let's get you cleaned up and you can tell me everything that happened."

"How are you feeling?" Faith asked as they climbed the stairs slowly. "You're feeling better, I'm guessing, since you are practically carrying me right now."

"I'm getting there."

"Missed one hell of a fight, B. Wished you could have been there. We kicked some serious ass."

"I bet," Buffy laughed as she took the shortest route to the infirmary. "You'll never believe what happened here while you guys were out there."

"What? Dawnie tell you that she's pregnant or something?"

Buffy stopped in the middle of the corridor and Faith laughed for a second, then stopped when she saw the look of disbelief on Buffy's face. She watched Faith blink a couple of times and then shake her head as she began laughing again.

"You're kidding me, right?"

"No. How did you..."

"Dawnie and Xander are like rabbits on speed, every chance they get they're going at it. Was just a wild guess. Doesn't take a genius to figure out it'd happen sooner or later."

"Okay, now those are images I so did not need right now."

Faith just grinned as Buffy helped her up onto the only unoccupied bed. Under the harsh florescent lights Buffy could really see the extent of her injuries. They looked bad, but she'd seen Faith beaten worse. Far worse. She was strong, both emotionally and physically, and Buffy had no doubt in her mind she'd be back to herself in no time at all.

 



Chapter Eight

There was a feeling of déjà vu the whole night Buffy spent at Faith's bedside. She needed seventeen stitches on various deep cuts, but the one that worried Buffy was the sword wound Faith had told her about. She'd been the one to convince Faith to spend the night in the infirmary where a team of doctors, Council checked and approved, were there in case any serious complications occurred with her or any of the other injured slayers.

Faith was out cold, in large part thanks to the heavy sedatives the doctors had given her so she'd be able to sleep comfortably with her injuries. Buffy looked around at the infirmary and her eyes fell upon Satsu just a couple beds down. Satsu had broken her leg in three different places and she had a fractured collarbone. She was a wreck, and when she looked up Buffy looked away, unable to meet her former lover's eyes. She might not have loved Satsu, but there were some feelings there between them. Buffy could still feel them just lingering there and it pained her to know she still felt something for her.

They hadn't talked since Buffy had sent her away after things between them fell apart. She'd been in a bad, dark place when she'd been with Satsu, and even just looking at her brought her back to that place. Satsu deserved better and Buffy had known that from the day things started between them. She'd even tried to tell Satsu that, but she'd been just as stubborn as Faith and tried to change Buffy's mind. Oh, she'd changed her mind all right, she also opened it a hell of a lot. It made her start thinking about Faith and the way she had once felt just being around her. If it hadn't been for Satsu she never would have let her thoughts of Faith drift into the `I could possibly be in love with her' category.

"B, what are you still doing here?" Faith asked groggily as she squeezed Buffy's hand.

"Sitting here with you like you did for me before," she replied with a smile. "What are you even doing awake?"

"Meds are wearing off," she shrugged as she moved over to the side of the bed and pulled Buffy up to lay next to her.

"You should sleep, Faith."

"Can't," she replied as she wrapped her arms around Buffy and let out a pained gasp. "All worked up from the fight, you know?"

"Faith..."

"Should've just let me go back to mine," she mumbled against the side of her head as she breathed in deeply. "Fucking hate it in here."

"I know. Me too."

She was careful as she wrapped an arm around Faith's waist and laid her head down on the pillow next to her head. The bed was small, but they fit perfectly on it together side by side. Buffy could tell how uncomfortable Faith was, however, and she wanted nothing more than to take her back to her own room to sleep comfortably in her own bed. She laid there with Faith until she'd fallen back asleep before she slipped off the bed and made her way towards the doors. She needed food, having neglected to eat anything all day, and she was certain that Faith wouldn't notice she'd slipped away for half an hour or so.

Most of the commotion and excitement that had travelled throughout the castle for much of the night had died down considerably. She could hear her footsteps echoing quietly off the corridor walls as she made her way down to the kitchen. She flipped on the lights to find Angel sitting at the table by himself, and she laughed a little as she walked over to the table and sat down across from him. He looked a little worse for wear, but she knew he was fine.

"Hey," he nodded at her as she grabbed an orange from the fruit bowl in the middle of the table. "How's Faith feeling?"

"Sore," she replied as she began to peel the skin. "Meds just wore off, but she's asleep again."

"And the others?"

"They'll heal."

"You sure missed a great fight, Buffy."

"So I've heard," she chuckled softly as she picked at the skin, barely even peeling it now. "Faith hasn't had the chance to tell me what went on out there."

"They rescued a handful of humans that were being held there. A couple of the girls got them to the hospital in town. As soon as the sun set, Dr. Sonia's army came from all directions. I made it there just as it began. They knew that we were coming for them long before the fight began. They were ready for us. They just never expected there to be so many of us against them."

"And Dr. Sonia?"

"She demanded to face you and you alone. Faith ended up fighting her until Willow stepped in. Dr. Sonia knew she was weak, she just didn't think she was as weak as she was. As soon as she was down and out, the remaining vamps scattered. Couple of the girls went after them while Faith, Kennedy and myself helped the injured girls back here. With the shape Faith was in, I was surprised she managed to carry Satsu all the way back."

Buffy wasn't sure how to take that last piece of information. Faith was a loyal fighter, she knew she was, but she had no idea she'd be kind enough to help her former lover in a time of need. They hadn't talked about her time with Satsu. Buffy didn't want to bring it up and she knew that Faith was uneasy when talking about any of her former relationships. She saw the jealousy in her eyes when it'd been mentioned the few times before, and while it was kind of a turn on seeing her being jealous, she didn't want to make Faith feel that way.

"How are you feeling, Buffy?"

"Still a little weak," she replied with a shrug as she popped a piece of the orange in her mouth. "I'm not back at full strength, but at least now I can move without feeling dragged down and sluggish."

"And how are you dealing with...remembering?"

"It's hard," she openly admitted. "Remembering what it was like to crave, to feel the bloodlust running through me, to feel it burning in me when I didn't quench it. I'd rather forget, but I'm glad I don't anymore."

"Do you feel guilty about biting Faith?"

"Yeah," she nodded her head slowly, admitting it for the first time to someone else other than herself. "What's done is done. I can't change anything now."

"You were lucky."

"How the hell was I lucky?"

"You held onto your soul. If you hadn't..."

"Then I'd be dust," she finished coldly for him. "Believe me, Angel. If I didn't have a soul, I would have been killed. God, I don't even want think about what I would have been like, what kind of a monster I would have been if I didn't have my soul. Do we have to talk about this?"

"I believe we do," he nodded as he reached across the table and took her shaking hand in his own. "It's for your own mental and emotional stability, Buffy. What you've been through in the last month, even the last couple of years, has got to be a lot to handle on your own."

"I'm not handling it on my own. I have Faith," she replied. "I have Giles, Dawnie, Willow, Xander, and I've even got Kennedy. They understand more than I thought they did. They were here for me even when I didn't believe they were before. I don't have to deal with anything on my own anymore and I understand that now."

"You know where to find me if you ever want to talk. There are some things you've gone through the others cannot understand."

"And like you can, Angel? I don't see you having been turned back into a human after living as a vampire," she shot out, then closed her eyes, suppressing the building anger deep inside of her. "Look, I just came down to get something to eat. I don't want to leave Faith alone for too long in case she wakes up."

"I understand."

He got up from the table and quickly walked out of the kitchen without saying another word. She shook her head and ate the rest of the orange before she checked the fridge for anything edible. There were a few containers of food that looked like they could have been science experiments, and she avoided them as she reached for the container of peach flavoured yogurt. It wasn't solid, but it was food and one of her favourite comfort foods. The taste of real food was one thing she'd missed while she'd been turned.

She hoisted herself up on the counter and grabbed a spoon. The quietness was peaceful, relaxing, and she had a funny feeling that it wouldn't last for very long. Faith was right about needing a vacation. They all needed one just to unwind and relax for a couple weeks, regroup and recharge for whatever else would come their way next. She just had to figure out when the right time would be to suggest it to Giles. Everything went through him now ever since she'd given him full control of the assets that kept the castle up and running. It had been a burden on her, just one more she couldn't handle, and giving it up had left her with one less thing to worry about.

She got to thinking of how good an idea a real vacation would be for all of them, especially for Dawn and the baby she was carrying. She wanted to talk to her more about it, find out just how far along she was, but it'd have to wait for another day. It stung a little and also made her deliriously happy. She was going to be an aunt and she really couldn't wait. The only thing that made her full of sadness was that their mother wouldn't be there to get to know her first grandchild. She always thought about her mother at different milestones in her life and she sighed out softly, letting a few tears fall just remembering all the good memories she had of her.

Her mother, she knew for a fact, would probably have a heart attack if she knew about her and Faith's relationship. Her mother had always been wary of the few relationships she had. Though her mother had only been around for Angel and then Riley, she knew her mom wouldn't have approved of what had gone on between her and Spike, nor would she have approved of the relationships that followed after that. Buffy knew that Joyce had mixed feelings about Faith, feeling sorry for her while also fearing her, which was completely understandable at that point. She wished her mother was around now just for her to see that Faith was the one who made her happy and feel so loved, more so than anyone else had in the past.

She laughed a little as she thought about how everyone had reacted to the news of her and Faith. She'd expected to be shunned, to be yelled at, and to be told she was making a huge mistake, but none of that had come. Everyone had been so supportive of their relationship. She knew it was because they loved her unconditionally. She couldn't ask for a better set of friends and family than what she had now. It was a pity that it took her wanting to end her own life both to see that and to discover a real relationship with Faith.

She laughed again at realizing how she must have looked right then. Sitting on the counter eating her yogurt, crying, with a goofy grin plastered on her face. It dawned on her too that this was the first time in a long time she'd just sat there and thought about different things in her life without feeling sorry for herself, without feeling angry at herself, and without feeling the weight of the world lain upon her shoulders. It was a little depressing knowing all that she had to go through to get to this point in her life just for a single shred of happiness and love.

But it was completely worth it. Even with feeling closer and then far away from Faith, herself, and everyone else, it helped her piece back the things that really mattered in her life, one by one. She still had a long way to go, but she had no doubts or qualms that she wouldn't be able to get through it all this time. She looked up as soon as she heard footsteps coming towards the kitchen. She wiped away her tears quickly and hopped off the counter as Faith slowly made her way into the kitchen, wearing nothing more than the blue hospital gown and a pair of socks.

"Faith, are you crazy? What the hell are you doing out of bed?"

"Told you already, B. I couldn't sleep and now I'm fucking starving."

Buffy sighed out as she leaned against the counter and watched as Faith disappeared into the pantry. There was no sense in trying to convince her to go back to the infirmary and get into bed. She knew just how stubborn Faith could get and there was no way she was pushing at her. She didn't want to fight with her or make her feel agitated. She wanted a minimum of stress and drama, just as everyone else did. It'd take a lot of work, especially since she and Faith were always about to set each other off with just a single word or action or, for that matter, a lack thereof. Faith had a hot-head and so did she, but when they were cool, calm and collected, everything was just...perfect. At least it was so far in the chaos of their relationship.

"You hungry?" Faith asked as she poked her head out from inside the pantry. "B?"

"Starved."

"Feel like cooking me some spaghetti, woman?" Faith joked as she walked out of the pantry with a box of noodles and a can of sauce. "I'm joking."

"I know," Buffy smiled at her, "but if you want me to, I will."

"And have you burn the water? I don't fucking think so," Faith laughed as she slapped her across the ass after she'd put the can and the box of noodles down on the counter. "Yeah, B. I've heard stories. Believe me. I have heard plenty of them."

Buffy pouted as she pulled Faith in close to her and gave her a little half-smile before pulling her in for a sweet kiss. It all felt too easy, too natural just to be this way together. Buffy knew she was crazy for even questioning it in the way she was. Sure a few months ago she would have dismissed the idea that a relationship with Faith would work out, but she knew better now. They were practically made for each other. She could feel that heart and soul connection between them in just the sweetest of kisses and in the way Faith's eyes would lock with her own. She could feel it in the way Faith would touch her in the most innocent of ways, just needing to have some form of contact with her.

"Mm, fuck, I love kissing you, B."

"I was just thinking the same thing," she smiled against Faith's own grinning lips, giving her one last light kiss before she stepped back and grabbed a pot from one of the shelves.

"Hey," Faith growled playfully as she spun Buffy back around. "Wasn't done kissing you, B."

"Aren't you hungry?"

"I'm starved, but I really just wanna keep kissing you," Faith mumbled against Buffy's lips as she backed her up against the counter. "I also wanna do bad things with you..."

Buffy couldn't stop the laughter from escaping at that. Faith could truly be unbelievable sometimes and it was just one of the things she found she absolutely loved about her. Buffy swept her hands down Faith's back, mindful of the many little cuts and bruises and the odd few stitches here and there. If Faith felt any pain or discomfort, she wasn't showing it as she crushed her lips against Buffy's and pressed her body hard into hers. Buffy let out a soft moan as Faith moved her lips across her jaw and over her neck as her hands slid under her shirt. She leaned further back into the counter and grabbed Faith's hands before they could inch her shirt up.

"Later," she whispered. "Right now, we should eat."

"I'm thinking of something else I'd like in my mouth right about now."

"Faith," Buffy sighed as she pulled Faith's hands out from under her shirt, "it may be late, but I'm totally not a fan of getting caught making out in the kitchen with you in just a hospital gown."

"Relax, B," she purred as she licked her neck before pulling back. "I'm wearing panties under this. Don't need anyone viewing any of the goodies when they are all reserved for you now."

"That wasn't what I was worried about."

"Then what is it?"

"That," she said softly as she motioned to the doorway as Giles walked in, his head hung low and his eyes focused on the book he had in his hands. "Now go sit down. I'll make the spaghetti."

Faith shrugged as she hopped up on the counter next to the stove and smiled down at Buffy as she reached out with her foot and slid it along her inner thighs. Buffy quickly swatted her foot away as Giles cleared his throat, finally noticing the two of them standing there. He said nothing as he fumbled with the kettle and filled it up in the sink. He barely even looked at the two of them as he placed it on the smallest burner on the stove and turned it on. He muttered something under his breath about parading around half-naked as he walked over to the table and sat down.

"What's up with him?" Faith whispered as Buffy filled up the pot and placed it on the stove. "He's been acting kind of..."

"Awkward?"

"Yeah," she shrugged. "We'll go with that for now."

"He's like this around everyone who is all...touchy-feely with each other," Buffy replied softly, stifling a giggle as Faith raised an eyebrow at her. "What?"

"Nothing," Faith smirked as she reached out with her legs and wrapped them around Buffy's waist and pulled her close. "I just like being all touchy-feely with you."

Buffy shook her head and leaned up to gave her a quick kiss before extricating herself from the legs away that were still wrapped around her waist. She ignored the pout Faith gave her as she walked over to the stove to check on the water for the spaghetti. Hopping off the counter, Faith approached from behind, freezing Buffy in place as she wrapped her arms loosely around her. Buffy's entire body was burning for her touch, craving it and she could feel that same amount of desire and need coming off of Faith in waves. She'd never been like this before with anyone. She'd never wanted anyone so badly that it was almost painful.

Faith's lips grazed over her neck and towards her ear and hands gently cupped her breasts for a split second before moving down to rest on her hips. "I'm not going back up there tonight, B. After we eat, we're going up to my room."

"But..."

"I'm fine, B. Just a little banged up. I'll heal faster in my own bed."

"She may be right, Buffy," Giles said as he got up from where he sat at the table and made his way over to them. "She'll likely heal much faster if she's in her own bed. We were only keeping her in the infirmary in case of any complications, but seeing how she's up and about, it's safe to say there aren't any."

"Thanks for taking my side, G."

Giles only smiled as he took the kettle off the stove just as it began to whistle. "I wasn't taking any sides. Just, er…agreeing with you."

"Sounds like that's taking sides," Faith chuckled softly. "What are you doing in here so late anyway?"

"I always have a cup of tea before bed," he replied as he grabbed a mug and a teabag and filled it slowly. "Habit, a lifetime one, unfortunately."

Buffy laughed as she placed her hands over Faith's and made no move to take them away from her hips. He gave them a wink as he picked up his mug and headed out of the kitchen, saying goodnight before he disappeared into the dark corridor. Buffy turned to face Faith and gave her a soft kiss, both of them smiling as Buffy pulled away slowly.

"You think we'll ever get to have some actual time alone, just you and me?" Faith asked softly as she moved with Buffy so she could pour the noodles into the pot of boiling water.

"I don't know."

"You've never thought about just getting a place where we could escape for a couple of days?"

"No," she replied honestly, "but I have been thinking about taking a vacation like you'd mentioned."

"Just you and me?"

"No," she shook her head. "You and me and everyone else. We all need a vacation, Faith. It hardly seems fair if we're the only ones that take off to someplace warm for a couple of weeks."

Faith sighed loudly as she dropped her arms from around her and moved to lean against the counter. "What are you afraid of, B?"

"Afraid of? Nothing."

"Are you afraid to be completely alone with me?"

"No..."

"You know what I think, Buffy?" Faith asked as she looked her up and down, her eyes lingering and burning over every inch of her body. "I think you are afraid of being alone with me cos you know all we'll be doing is parading around a hell of a lot more than just `half-naked' and fucking each other until we can't take it anymore."

"Is that all you ever think about?"

"No," Faith chuckled as she let her eyes drift over Buffy's body once again. "I think about you too. And I think you are afraid to be completely alone with me, B."

"I'm not. Why would you even say that?"

Faith gave her a shrug and reached for a long spoon in one of the drawers, handing it to her so she could stir the noodles in the pot. Buffy let out a soft sigh as she stirred the noodles and thought about what Faith was trying to get at. Maybe she was a little bit afraid of being completely alone with Faith. She wasn't afraid of it for the reason of being alone. At least she didn't think so. She did love to be alone with Faith and she did wanted to be able to just be with her without having anyone interrupt them when things got a little hot and heavy. The sex was amazing with Faith, even just kissing Faith made her weak in the knees. She wondered why she even felt just a little bit afraid when she had absolutely no reason to feel that way. She wanted Faith as much as Faith wanted her. It was clearly evident.

They said nothing until their very late dinner had been made and they were lounging on Faith's bed. They had put all of the spaghetti into one big bowl and they were sharing it. Buffy hardly touched it, even as hungry as she was. Her mind was on overdrive now and she couldn't stop the thoughts from taking over and ruining her appetite. Faith lay stretched out on the bed on her stomach, no longer wearing the hospital gown. She wore a pair of baggy sweatpants and a white tank that didn't stop Buffy from letting her eyes roam and feeling the burning pleasure she felt whenever she just craved Faith.

"Thought you were hungry, B?" Faith asked, jolting Buffy from the thoughts that were bouncing back and forth from more serious things to thinking about all the ways she wanted to take Faith.

"Yeah," she shrugged as she reached out with her fork and stabbed a couple of the short, stubby noodles, "I am."

"Barely ate anything," Faith pointed out. "Still feeling a little weak?"

"A little, yeah."

"Maybe that's it?"

Faith took the bowl, moving it to the side and pulling Buffy down to lay next to her. She groaned out softly in pain as she rolled onto her side and pulled Buffy close to her. She said nothing as she ran a hand up Buffy's arm, around her shoulders to the back of her neck, and leaned in to kiss her. As much as Buffy craved her, she was feeling exhausted and growing weaker by the second. She pushed Faith back a little, ending the tender kiss between them.

"Tired?"

"Yeah," Buffy nodded as she laid her head against her elbow and traced Faith's lips with her fingers. "Been a really long day. I'm starting to think that every day is beginning to feel like it's the longest day of my life."

"Well, it has been a fucking long day for all of us, B. You aren't alone on feeling that right now."

"Good," she smiled. "Are you going to finish eating that?"

"Yeah," Faith laughed as she sat up and pulled the bowl into her lap. "You gonna stay here with me tonight?"

"Of course. You don't even have to ask, unless..."

"Unless what?"

"You don't want me to," Buffy finished quietly.

"Why wouldn't I want you to stay, B? I love just sleeping with you. I love doing other things with you too, you know, but you're playing the whole `I'm tired' card. Don't know if that's any better or worse than the whole `I've got a headache' card most chicks pull out when they aren't in the mood."

"I am in the mood," Buffy pouted as she sat up next to Faith. "I just..."

"What?"

"I don't want to hurt you."

"Hurt me? B, is my mouth broken? No. Are my hands broken? No. Sure, I might be a little banged up and bruised, but we fucked before when I've been in just as bad shape as this. Never stopped you."

Buffy watched her as she shoved a couple of forkfuls of spaghetti into her mouth. She did have a point, and even though Buffy was feeling rather exhausted, she really wanted to spend a couple of hours in bed with Faith, making love until the sun rose. After the fight with Dr. Sonia and her vampire army, she just wanted to be close to Faith. She wanted to hold her, feel her fully upon her, above her, beneath her. All over her.

"I get it," Faith laughed after she'd finished the last of the spaghetti in the bowl and placed it on the table next to the bed. "You were all into it this morning, then Kennedy walked in on us and now you're acting all weird. Probably worried she or someone else is gonna walk in on us. Am I right or am I right?"

"You aren't wrong, and nothing you say right now is going to make me feel any less...weird about my best friend's girl walking in on us earlier."

"Nothing to be weird about. It's not like she's gonna act weird around us. She does have sex with other women. She has sex with Willow."

"God," Buffy groaned in mock disgust as she fell back on the bed. "You do realize what we're talking about right now, don't you?"

"Yeah...and?"

"This is worse than Giles walking in on us in the kitchen."

Faith laughed as she moved to straddle Buffy's hips, the pain and discomfort she felt at the sudden movement clearly being shown in her eyes as she fought it back. "He's seen worse, you know?"

"What? When?"

"You didn't know? He walked in on Kennedy and Willow, in the library with a..."

"Finish that and you'll completely kill the mood for about a month or so."

"I was just joshing with you, B."

Buffy sighed, rolling her eyes and not entirely believing Faith. The smirk that crept over her lips, the devilish glint in her eyes told Buffy that she might've been joking, but she knew there was a strand of truth to what she'd been saying. She shook her head as she pulled Faith down for a kiss. Gently and slowly she rolled them over and began trailing light, wet kisses over Faith's jaw and down her neck.

She eased her hands over the soft swell of Faith's breasts, feeling her nipples harden under the light touch of her fingers. She could see the trust in Faith's eyes, trust that swam with longing, with desire and need. She was surrendering all, giving complete control to her, and she shuddered at remembering how that'd felt before when she was fighting the bloodlust inside of her. She ran her fingertips down Faith's side, careful not to touch her wounds as she reached the hem of her shirt. Faith gave her a soft smile as she sat up a little and allowed Buffy to slowly remove her tank, keeping their eyes locked as Buffy tossed the shirt behind her. Her eyes finally left Faith's soft gaze and she looked over her topless form, drinking in every inch of her, seeing for the first time just how badly banged up she really was.

"It's alright, B. Doesn't hurt none," Faith whispered, smiling up at her almost as if she was reading Buffy's mind. She reached for Buffy's hands and ran them over her stomach and to her breasts. "Just touch me. I'm not made of glass."

Buffy nodded as she dipped her head down and grazed her tongue slowly over Faith's left nipple. She moaned against Faith's skin as Faith ran her hands up her thighs and to her hips. She sat back, smirking as she reached for Faith's hands and took them off of her, shaking her head no. She slowly moved down Faith's body, her fingers dancing delicately over her stomach and stopping when they reached the waistband of her sweat pants. Faith let out a soft gasp as Buffy began to slowly ease them down. Buffy held her breath until she had Faith completely naked, and she smiled down at her as she swept her hands up her legs and leaned down to place soft kisses along her inner thighs.

She wanted to make Faith feel completely worshipped by her hands, her lips, and her tongue. She wanted Faith to find the release she knew she was so desperately in need of. Her own need to be consumed by Faith could wait, even if it was fast becoming unbearable, painful. She looked up at Faith. Her eyes were closed, her lips parted slightly, her breathing becoming heavy and ragged, and her hands were gripping the sheets next to her, waiting for Buffy to continue.

Buffy only smirked as she sat back and began to slowly remove her clothes, watching as Faith's eyes opened and followed her every move. She settled back down in between Faith's legs, her hands ever so lightly caressing her inner thighs as Faith spread her legs wider for her. Buffy ran her fingers over the faintest scar where she'd marked her before and then lightly sucked on it, feeling the wave of pleasure roll through Faith's body. Knowing she'd teased Faith enough, she ran the tips of her fingers over her throbbing clit and circled her hole, feeling how wet she was. How wet she was because of her.

Wasting not another moment, Buffy moved in closer, trailing her tongue over the soft skin of her thigh, leaving a wet trail from her inner thigh to her pussy. Faith let out a low, wild moan as Buffy's tongue teased over her clit, knowing just how she needed it, wanted it, craved it. She could feel how close she was despite the fact she'd barely started. It made her flush with arousal knowing how quick she could bring Faith over the edge. This was Faith and...no, she couldn't go there, not when she had her tongue now buried in her pussy and her thumb working over her clit.

"Fuck," Faith panted as she gripped the back of Buffy's head, pulling her harder into her. "Baby, I'm so close."

"I know," Buffy said softly as she pulled away, licking her lips as she deftly slid two fingers into her hot, wet core. She wanted to kiss Faith while she came. There was just something more erotic about it in her mind.

She moved up Faith's body, her fingers driving in and out of her steadily and she captured Faith's lips with her own. They kissed furiously as Faith's body began to shudder and shake under her own as her orgasm washed through her quickly. Faith's hands gripped at her back as she pulled away from the kiss and bit on her lower lip as her body tensed for a moment before she relaxed fully beneath Buffy. She let Faith pull her hand away and she smiled as she moved to her side, Faith linking their fingers together and giving her a light kiss on the top of her head.

"Thank you," she whispered as she held Buffy as close to her as she could without hurting herself further. "Give me five minutes and I'll rock your world, baby."

Buffy nodded, knowing that in Faith's current condition, slayer strength or not, she was completely spent. And she didn't care. She was satisfied enough knowing she'd given Faith exactly what she needed. She reached over and switched off the lamp, eliminating the light in the room completely. She laid her head down on Faith's shoulder and smiled to herself. It may have been one of those long days, but it ended just perfectly. Well, almost perfectly.

 


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