The I in Team
"No, I wouldn't," Buffy says glancing at me.
"Sure you would."
"Uh uh," she says shaking her head after taking a bite of her licorice.
"How do you know that? You haven't even tried it," I say taking it from her.
"I just know, ok?"
"No way. I'm not letting you off that easy, B."
"Look, I'm not gonna have sex with you or that dirty crackwhore you brought to my hotel room earlier, so can we please just drop it?" She says taking her candy back. Yeah, maybe I should just leave her alone.
"No." Or not… it's too funny to let go.
I jog to catch up to Buffy who has managed to get a few steps ahead of me.
"What the fuck is your problem, Buffy? It's not like I have a fucking STD."
"God, that's not what I meant. I don't think you have an STD."
"Dude, you totally do," I say snatching her candy again and popping it in my mouth before she can take it back.
"No, Faith, I don't."
"Yes you do. And it breaks my heart, Buffy Anne Summers, it really does. But, at least it's nice to know what you really think of me."
"Will you please just listen to me for once?" She grabs me by the shoulders. "I don't think you have a sexually transmitted disease, all right?"
"Yeah, like I'm gonna believe that. You totally just implied it." She drops her hands.
"Because I won't sleep with you?"
"Yes! Just admit it, Buffy. You think I'm a dirty whore, don't you? Fuck, maybe I should just go find someone else to slay with… or go crawl into some fucking rotten ditch and die. Then, three weeks later, when you and the super friends-- yes they'll be here too cause they flew down to help you look for it-- find my coyote mauled corpse, you'll feel different you stupid bitch." Ok, so maybe I didn't say the stupid bitch part, but I could have.
Buffy's quiet and just staring at me. I think she feels sorry for me. I hope she fucking does… I hope she feels so fucking sorry for me that she wants to have sex a little bit. Then we can go surfing and get some fish tacos.
"Honestly, Faith, I think there's something really wrong with you. Are you sure you're ok?" Kind of, but not really. Maybe if you let me fuck you… behind those bushes. We could fuck over there. See? You see those bushes, Daria? Ok, so maybe not. Buffy shakes her stupid head and walks on when I don't say anything.
"Besides, you're more likely to be mauled by vamps than coyotes… considering there aren't even coyotes around here. Are there?"
"Fuck I don't know." I give up.
We manage to move silently through the cemetery for a few minutes before I say anything to her. This sucks. I want to do things to her…naked things… involving thermometers… and carnies. Ok, so maybe not... I bet Angel would enjoy that though. That reminds me…
"Shit, B, you slept with Angel and God knows where he's been."
"Faith, please just leave him out of this. We're friends, and it'd be a little awkward is all."
I'm quiet for a moment just trying to think of something to say, but all I can think about is that stupid Justin Timberlake song… and tequila body shots. And stupid Angel, who sucks herpes infested ass… and if he was a woman his uterus probably wouldn't work anymore 'cause he's nothing more than a big, dumb, dirty whore that won't die!
"Yeah, maybe you're right; maybe we shouldn't sleep together," I say while running a hand through my hair. Buffy nods. "Plus, I really don't want to catch anything,"
"What?" Buffy stops to glare at me. "What are you talking about?" I stop as well, and turn to face her.
"Angel's two-hundred isn't he? You slept with a moldy old corpse, B. That's fucking gross."
"Faith! Angel is not moldy!"
"Sure he is. Really though, you should get yourself checked out."
"Faith," she takes a minute to breathe, "there is nothing wrong with me," she finishes in that 'I'm fucking annoyed with you, but am still trying to be polite, so will you please shut the fuck up before I punch you in the face' Buffy tone she has. Good times.
"Hey man, I'm just trying to be a good friend here," I tell her.
"No, you aren't. You enjoy antagonizing me. Now, would you please stop it?"
I watch her rub her temple. It reminds me of that stupid episode of Roswell that I was watching earlier today on the Sci Fi channel… in Spanish. It was the one where they were looking for that lame ass New Year's rave or something. It was pretty funny cause that alien dude started crying cause he thought he was on fire, but he really wasn't. Then he had a headache… like Buffy. Yeah, it was pretty cool… until they actually found the lame ass party, cause they didn't even show it. It made me pretty sad.. So sad I wanted to go to a Mexican strip club, and get a Mexican hooker… and go smoke some crack behind a dumpster. Well, the crack not so much, but the other stuff, yeah. Cause what else do you do in Mexico?
"No, I'm trying to give my friend some health advice, " I manage to say without laughing. I'm so fucking rad.
So, back to the hookers. My buddy told me they were only forty bucks. The one I got for Buffy yesterday wasn't bad. Buffy didn't want to fuck her though. I wonder why. So what if she was way older. I think it was a pretty good deal. She was only gonna charge B THIRTEEN dollars. But, stupid Buffy was all like, "She's probably a crackwhore." So what? Maybe she was.
"Just shut up, Faith! I did not catch anything from Angel! In fact, I'll prove it. Let's go back to yours and I'll let you see for yourself." What? I'm not really sure what to say to that. And, fuck, is her eye twitching? What the fuck is wrong with her?
"Uh," I hedge. Maybe she's on her period. "'That really isn't necessary. Anyway, don't they have vagina doctors for that? I'm pretty sure I saw one of those, 'we inspect your vagina ads,' in your mom's underwear drawer.'" Dude, Joyce's vagina? Ooh, she'll totally want to fuck me now. Fuck, I can see it already; 'Hey, B, let's talk about Joyce's vagina.' 'Sure, Faith. Thinking of my mom's pussy makes me so hot. Wanna fuck?'
And, when the fuck have I ever been in Joyce's room anyway?
"No! You're gonna do it," she practically growls at me. Yeah, she's totally got to be on her… actually, I think we're riding the same wave. I did find all those tampons in her purse that one time.
"Wait. What were you doing looking in my mom's underwear?"
I'm about to tell her EXACTLY what I was doing, but she raises her hand to silence me. Hmmm.
"You know what? I don't want to know," she says.
"Just so you know, I was looking for money," I say with a smirk. Buffy just rolls her eyes at me. She knows I'm full of shit, but it's fun to mess with her. Dude, one day I really am gonna steal money from her mom. Just to show her.
We make our way to the cemetery gates where Buffy speaks up again.
"Listen Faith, if you look at my vagina, we'll have sex ok?"
What the fuck? I look at her kind of funny 'cause I'm not really sure I heard her right… and we haven't even started drinking yet today. But, I did have some of the water. Does it make you hallucinate? Plus, I have been zoning lately... like I'll totally just start picturing fucking B. But, I'm thinking it's from all those knocks to the head I've been taking lately. Buffy's always hitting me and shit… like when she's totally not supposed to. What's up with that? All I do is open my mouth and she goes all domestic abuser on me. I swear, I'm gonna fucking tell Giles.
"Damn it Faith, I don't have a fucking STD!" See?
"Shit, fine. I don't care anyway; it's not like I'm gonna fuck you. I'm just gonna look at it a little bit."
We manage to walk to my hotel room in silence. I fish my key out of my pants and let Buffy in first. Once inside, I lock the door. I put my keys on the dresser, toss my jacket on the bed, and make a quick stop at the restroom.
When I come out, I find Buffy sitting uncomfortably on the edge of my bed. I grin as I place a chair near her to aid me in my inspection. I grab a drink from the mini bar then come back and sit down.
"So what are you waiting for? Strip, Blondie." Buffy clears her throat.
"Maybe this was a bad idea," she says and stands up. Before she can take off, I reach out and grab her small wrist.
"Oh no you don't. Isn't this what you wanted? You were totally hitting on me, Buffy. Fuck, I didn't know you were so hard up. If I wouldda known, I would have offered to "inspect" you a long time ago. You really didn't have to get me in the mood with medical questions and then follow me home." Ok, so she didn't exactly follow me home, seeing as how her suite is right next to mine, but whatever. Giles booked our rooms, plus we're supposed to be on 'official slayer business' while we're down here. We took care of that yesterday though.
Buffy's face flushes as soon as the words are out of my mouth. She raises her hand to hit me, but I just grab her other wrist and toss her onto the bed. I totally pounce, pinning Buffy under me.
"God, Faith, get off." That makes me grin.
"God, I didn't mean it like that!"
"Sure you did."
"No, I didn't."
I smile down at Buffy as I ease my lips against hers. Just
as I think Buffy is gonna let me tongue her up real nice, she tosses me
the fuck off of her. She then gets up and walks the fuck out calling good
night out to me before my door slams shut.
We get up fairly early like at two in the afternoon. We go down to the pool and tan a bit. B looks so fucking hot in that bad ass bikini. After a while, we go inside and shower. Then get dressed.
We hit some pretty cool bars and clubs. Christine's is bad ass. It has a really big dance floor and kick ass music. We're wearing our bikinis cause there's a foam party going down. The drinks are pretty cheap, too, but there's only a limited selection. We stick to rad Mexican beers for now. After a while, we decide to take off. Too many guys are trying to grope my girl.
We snag a cab and head down to Zoo. It's fucking boss. The bar is fucking stocked and the people here are fucking chill. There are some pretty fucking hot chicks and sweet music. Me and B do lots of grinding. It's getting pretty fucking late, so we take off to Carlos O'Brians for some chow. Their fajitas are kick ass. We do some cool ass body shots at the bar, too. I totally lose track of B for a minute when this cool ass barmaid with a whistle comes by and gives me a couple of shots, grabs my rack, and shakes my head. When she leaves, I turn to see Buffy dancing on one of the bars for free shots. She is so hot. I help her down, and we head upstairs and onto the terrace to grab a table and some food. We eat and guzzle some more drinks, too. Dude, where the fuck are we? Oh well.
I am fucking plastered and so is B. I catch her as she almost falls out of her chair. We head downstairs and hail a cab. It's started drizzling, but is still warm as fuck. I'm not sure how I do it, but I manage to carry Buffy back up to my hotel room. I walk out onto the balcony to watch the rain and smoke a cig. After about my third one, I hear B walking up behind me.
"It's really beautiful," she whispers. It really is. The beating and splashing of the rain on the Spanish tile three stories below woke her up she says. There are green palm trees swaying so heavily that they look like they're gonna snap. The rain is falling around us in deep round droplets, but the air is still sticky, warm, and full from the heat of the day and the unrelenting humidity. We can see the pools from our room. I think they've started to overflow.
There's a boom and crackling roll of thunder that makes me grin. It would be so bad ass to hop in one of those pools or go running down there in the warm rain. The hotel is right on the beach so we can totally go check out the waves, too, if we want. I pull Buffy by the arm and rush out of the hotel room. The key is around my neck so there's no need to worry.
We make our way downstairs and run toward the pools. I jump in the largest one clothes and all. Buffy just laughs and smiles and tells me to get out before I get struck by lightning. I hop out and kiss her once before I drag her toward the beach. I toss my flip flops off. The sand is damp, but still warm. I hear the snap of thunder again and look up. The purple sky splits with a burning bluish yellow flare. It's perfect.
After a minute of watching the massive waves crash and crumble onto the shore Buffy tugs at my arm. We walk back toward the hotel. Our clothes is sticky and heavy. I turn to Buffy and smile; she looks beautiful. Her hair is soaked and limp, but still perfect. We walk back over the tiles, through the puddles, beneath the trees that are ready to snap from the force of the wind, and head back up to our rooms.
I say goodnight to B, but she doesn't walk to her door. Instead she gently cups my face in her hands and pulls me down to kiss her. After a few minutes, she lets me go long enough to unlock my room. When we get in, I lay her in bed, lie on top of her, and crush my mouth against her. I pull away to ease her shirt off. I grin at her and she smiles back.
"You sure you want this?"
I smile again before I unhook her bra. I just look at her for a while, then pull it off, and dip my head to lick her chest. I think she likes it cause she starts to grind herself into me just a little bit.
Buffy lowers her small hands to the waist of my pants and pops the buttons open with a tug. She slowly runs her hand along the crotch of my cotton panties. She eases herself beneath the material and runs her fingers over me. I groan as she pushes into me. I bury my face in her neck, and rotate my hips against Buffy's slender fingers.
"God," I whisper. "Don't stop." Buffy smiles and begins to finger me faster and pushes herself in deeper. Within minutes, I'm close to… releasing even more fluid all over her fingers. God, she's moving faster and I'm done for. I grunt just a little bit when I get off. I sigh and pull Buffy's hand out of my pants.
Buffy grins, tears my shirt off, and lowers her mouth to suck on my breasts, but I push her away. I think about throwing her the fuck out and going to sleep, but opt not to. Instead, I get up, tear my own pants and shoes off, then quickly give Buffy the same treatment. Once we're both naked, I ease myself back on top of her. I position myself between Buffy's spread thighs. She quickly shifts, allowing me to bury my fingers deeply inside of her. She's so warm, soft, and perfect.
"Ohhh god," she whimpers as I start moving my hand. I run my tongue over my lips and ease myself down Buffy's super rad, and oh so soft, body. I stop once I reach her really cool parts, and bury my face between her legs. I lap at her for what seems like a couple of very long minutes, then slowly ease my fingers inside of her again. I fuck her this way for a while, until she's near tears.
"Fuck," she whimpers. She's gonna have a really good one. "God," she sighs. I groan into her pussy and begin to gently suck on her rather than licking. "Ughn…" Buffy grunts as she comes.
I kiss her once on her belly, then run off to the restroom
and wash up before I get in bed with her. We've got a big day tomorrow.
We are totally gonna down massive amounts of tequila, in body shot form,
and find us some bad ass Mexican hookers, or not. Then, when we get back
in, I'm going to bury my fingers inside of Buffy, and finger her until
she falls asleep.