Chapter Eleven

The Revelation

I kept trying all week, but she wouldn't speak to me. We were standing waiting on the field for round one of the Friday tournament. I was there in my especially short training shorts - hoping to entice Faith into talking to me. But she never showed. Aside from being way embarrassing in front of the students, it just felt horrible. If she'd tried to slit my throat it would've bothered me less. It's what we do. We fight, we're mean, we hurt each other a little. Or a lot. But Faith always turns up. Half the time she turns up uninvited. She never could resist taunting, trying to get revenge or seriously coming on to me. I got scared when she didn't show. More so `cos it was Friday. It didn't matter what we'd agreed about drinking because since her freak out beyond all freak outs she'd probably be encouraged to go against the rules what with it being me that suggested them.

I took my time over dinner listening to Will and Xander reminisce about Sunnydale. The longer I stayed with them the less I'd have to think about how many shots Faith and Spike were doing in the music room. When Lorne walked past our table in the dinning room I couldn't help asking, “What's the damage this week?”

“Oh you mean the self-sabotage siblings? They've actually spared my weekly emergency call to the French polishers. I haven't seen them all evening.” He saw the look of concern in my face. “Don't worry Sweet Cheeks; I'm sure they're out, probably dancing `til dawn.”

I wasn't convinced. It crossed my mind maybe they'd hooked up. But I wasn't prepared for what I saw, as we left the dinning room. In the very centre of the quadrant; Faith was straddling Spike. He was bleeding from his bleach blonde head as she pounded her fists into his face and chest. She was screaming at him but it wasn't clear what because he was shouting back while simultaneously trying to struggle free. Plus Faith caught a mouthful of her own hair as he bucked, trying to throw her off.

“Come on Buffy. Let's go.” Willow was standing behind me and placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder. “It's just what they do; don't let it get to you.”

“Yeah Buff,” Xander joined her in the whole protective friend thing. “Me an' the Tobster will make special allowances; you can join our boys' movie marathon. Just this once. Superman all night in the common room- you know you want to.”

“Thanks but I'm not really in the mood.”

“Girls' night? Slumber party?” Will looked all hopeful.

I shook my head. I felt bad saying no when they were being so supportive but I wasn't up to feigned interest and fake smiles. I just wanted to beat every non-existent breath out of as many vamps as I could get my hands on. “Sorry guys; patrol. Duty calls.” Every so often, duty can be kinda convenient. I started sprinting towards the closest cemetery.

“See ya Buff.” They called after me.

I staked a few un-dead morons. But it didn't do much to settle the churny I-could-spew-my-guts-up-at-any-moment feeling I'd been carrying around in my belly ever since my conversation with Faith at the lake. I just wanted to go to bed and hide under the covers for a decade or so.

As I crossed the quadrant I saw Faith was still there, in the same place she and Spike had been fighting earlier. Only Spike was nowhere in sight and Faith was lying on the ground. She wasn't moving. She didn't answer when I called her name. But that didn't mean much considering she hadn't spoken to me all week. I ran over and when I knelt beside her I thought I might actually hurl.

There were footsteps behind me. “Hey Buff. How was patrol? I'm on my own quest - popcorn bowl needs a refill. What's with Faith?”

I shrugged and flipped my hair. “Coma.”

Xander raised an eyebrow, “Again?”

“Yup.”

“That girl will do anything to avoid chores. You know it was her turn to haul out the recycling.”

“Figures.” I stroked her hair away from her face. She looked really pale.

“Is she going to be ok?”

I could barely get the words out. When I did, they were quieter than heart -pilfering demons with laryngitis “She has to be.” What if she never woke up? What if she died before we ever got to make things right and have lots of good old fashioned make up sex?

“Hey, don't worry Buffster. It's Faith. She's bounced back from more comas than a trampoline that's…been in lots of comas.”

“I can't lose her Xander. I can't.” I gasped when suddenly Faith's left eye opened.

She crinkled her forehead, “Chill B.”

“Faith, if this was some scam or your idea of a practical joke I will kill you for real.”

“I thought you couldn't bear to lose me.”

“We all say rash things sometimes. And as for you…”

“B, give it a rest will ya? You're starting to make my head ache worse than this very real bump.” She took my hand and moved it so I could feel the lump at the back of her skull.

“We should get you to the nurse's office. Can you walk?”

“I don't need you feeling sorry for me B. I can get there myself. Why don't you go back to one of your top secret projects?”

I moved back. Comas never did bring about a change of heart in Faith.

Xander leaned in and whispered to me, “I'll keep an eye on her. You go get some sleep.”

What else could I do? So I took a long shower wishing I could scald and scrub away the sting of Faith's words and the malice in her eyes. It hurt and I was just so confused. I put on my most tear-jerking mix CD and comfiest flannel PJs - the blue ones with the ducks. I was sitting cross-legged on my bed combing the tangles out my hair when Faith burst into my room.

“Why didn't you tell me B? How could you not tell me?” The door was lucky its hinges remained intact. She slammed it closed and continued her tirade. “I know you're little Ms Covert-Secret-Never-Tell-a-Soul, but there are some things. Some things I thought…I dunno what I thought.” Both her hands were in her hair gripping her head. Fortunately she'd been cleaned up some and the bleeding had stopped. She looked seriously freaked though. Maybe she wasn't so over the most recent coma.

“Faith, what are you on about?”

“Spike. Xander said…Xander said he tried to... Fucking hell B, how could you not tell me this? Xander said he tried to rape you.”

“Oh.”

“Oh?” She sat down on the edge of the bed.

“That's why you were pounding Spike?” She nodded emphatically. “Faith, it was nearly ten years ago.”

“Beside the fucking point.”

“He didn't have a soul then.”

“And that makes it ok?”

I became engrossed in tugging the hairs from my comb. “No of course not. But he'd never do that now.”

“So Spike does what the hell he likes when soul-less and still gets welcomed back into the bosom of Scooby Slayerhood? How come he gets forgiven, just like that?” She snapped her fingers. “As usual, it's one standard for your vamp exes and another for me.” Her voice got a lot quieter. “He tried to rape you.”

I was reluctant to bring it up, but it seemed kinda relevant, “And what about what you tried to do to Xander?”

“That's different, he's a guy.”

I quirked an eyebrow at her, giving her a stare that said `lame excuse'. She looked away. “What business did Xander have telling you anyway?”

“He thought I already knew.”

“It didn't seem relevant.”

Faith looked confused and I thought she might unleash another round of rage. But she just picked at the blood on her jeans and avoided looking at me. “I don't get it B. You're all about the commitment and having a real relationship and that. You're all into me opening up and sharing the shit that went on in my life. But you're the most closed off person I ever met. I know it's ancient history, I know he didn't have a soul back then, but I still hate him for doing that to you.” Then she looked at me with the saddest most devoted brown eyes you ever saw. “He hurt you B.”

“I fought him off.”

She kicked off her boots and came and sat against the wall, beside me on the bed. “You shouldn't have had to.”

“I know.” I leaned my head against her shoulder.

“It's not ok when people hurt you B.” It was the most resolute I'd heard Faith about anything. She put both her arms around me. “It's not ok.”

I felt safe. That's not a feeling Faith tends to instill. She smelt of anti-septic and whiskey and faintly of a scent she pretends she doesn't wear. It was all her and oddly comforting. “Faith, I'm sorry.”

She pulled away slightly, in surprise. “Whoa B.”

“I'm serious. I'm sorry Faith.” My voice was quiet. I actually meant what I was saying. “I should have told you about Spike. It's something big that happened to me and I want you to know. I guess I have been expecting you to spill your soul while my stuff is still locked away. I have more trouble letting people in than I like to admit.”

“No kidding.”

“I have been keeping secrets from you.” Her body tightened. “It's not what you think, but I should have told you.”

And so I told Faith - everything.

The timing of her little outburst was funny really. If funny is synonymous with deeply disturbing. It was also coincidental `cos Toby also asked about you. I was dragging him round the mall to buy clothes while he protested. What is with that? I told him, “No child of mine turns up their nose at being bought designer outfits.” He wasn't impressed. “Toby, whining and eye-rolling aren't gonna cut it. Way worse things can happen on a spending spree. I used a rocket launcher in a mall once.”

But the kid's sneaky and tried a new tactic - distracting me. You know better than anyone; that never works. Except how it always does.

As I tried to cultivate his enthusiasm about brands of sneakers, he tugged on my arm. “B? You know that Wicca goddess Auntie Willow always says about?”

“She was a woman Toby, a witch but still human.”

“No, the things Auntie Willow says, I'm pretty sure she's a goddess, Buffy. Anyway, if Willow brought back a stuffy ex-Watcher dude and Xan-man's ditched ex-demon bride,” Toby means Wes and Anya. He just spends a lot of time around Faith. “Why wouldn't she bring back someone she loves that much?” He used love in the present tense as in, still does. Kid's a genius.

You met Toby, right? After I told him about you he was all excited to be in on the secret. He told me he couldn't wait to meet you. Isn't he a sweetheart? His aura's strong? That's excellent. He likes you. He said, “Buffy, that's the nicest witch ghost goddess I ever met.” You know, it's not easy explaining to a ten year old how we're trying to make you corporeal and why he can't say a word to Auntie Willow.

Basically I just told him how Willow did bring you back. Only she passed out afterwards and that hadn't happened before. With the others, she got their consent before bringing them back and it was all plain sailing. But she was so emotionally invested in your return; I was worried she'd overlooked something. I feel bad saying it now but I was worried maybe you'd come back wrong. I heard resurrections are tricky. I know you didn't want to leave Will, neither did I what with her nose bleeding and everything. But we have a whole medical wing now for slaying injuries.

When you guys brought me back - you remember what I was like? I was freaked. I wanted to check you were ok before you had to deal with the rest of the gang. Plus, if you had come back wrong I'd have had to kill you. Or banish you at any rate, what with you being a ghost and all. I couldn't let Will go through losing you again. So, while Willow got checked out, I whisked you off to do some checking of my own. I couldn't believe it when you said it was always the plan for you to be sent back. It just took time `cos Willow was being punished for what she did to Warren and nearly destroying the world and all. Little did I know then, that what with it being predestined, you knew all the secrets to making yourself corporeal.

Everyone, not just Faith, has been suspicious of what I've been up to. They know I've been going somewhere secret. Apparently the gang had a whole bunch of theories. Xander thought for sure; secret agent. Anya was convinced I was part of some sinister plot involving the breeding of rabbits on the school grounds. Dawn thought I was sneaking off for illicit encounters with a new warlock love. She was the only one who noticed books and spell supplies going walkabout. Know what my married, mature and grown up sister did? Shared her little theory on my whereabouts with Faith. Next time she gets kidnapped by lethal scaly demons, they can keep her. Giles gave me the key to this place. He knows something's up but I've got carte blanch with Giles. After all, Spike destroyed the Hellmouth - after Giles tried to have him killed. You'd think throwing that in your Watcher's face would get old. It never does.

So I tried to describe to Toby how your magic is different than Auntie Willow's. He got it when I explained that you're patient while Willow's more about the instant magical gratification.

“Yeah, like when my chemistry spells homework went ka-boom and there was purple slime gunk down the walls, in my hair, on the ceiling? Remember Buffy?”

“No Toby I'd completely forgotten. Your ear wax and navel lint were always purple, right?”

Once he got control of his giggling, he said, “But when stuff like that happens, Auntie Willow's goes like this.” He demonstrated by furrowing his brow to accentuate non-existent frown lines. “But not like Great Uncle Soul-Boy who goes like this.” Toby did his vampire impression. “She looks like that `cos she's trying real hard to not just magic zap it away. No one likes getting purple gunk off the ceiling.”

“So you know how Auntie Willow is big with the dramatic magic?”

“Yeah, things go WHOOSH a lot when she's around. This one time in her beginner magic class there was a cloud of green smoke and a big explosion. An' then Charlotte, she disappeared.” I raised an eyebrow at him. “It turns out she was just in the bathroom. But it was way cool.”

“So Auntie Willow is more about the green swirly smoke; very powerful life-saving green smoke. But Tara, she's quiet so you don't notice her and then you realize she's floating. She sees into people's souls.”

Toby's eyes went wide and he looked a little scared, “You mean like if I was bad, then she'd just know?” He wouldn't meet my eyes.

“Toby, what have you and Faith been up to?”

“Nothing B.” Turns out, nothing meant sneaking into Wes's office to turn all his books upside down on the shelves. What with him also being incorporeal, he had to sit there in frustration while he waited for some detention students to set them the right way up. Plus Faith and Toby un-alphabetized every fifth book, just to drive him extra crazy.

I told Toby, “The thing about Tara is she's really good.” You may smirk, but you know it's true. “She'd never look into someone's soul unless she had their permission.”

But you know that bringing you back was about more than different magical stylings? I think our combined love for Willow helped us conjure something she couldn't. Plus your access to the secret formula from the PTB.

I've been thinking about the three of us being all mystically connected. You guys went to the nether realm to conjure me back into my own body before we even met. And you both raised me from the dead so now I'm returning the favour. Magic was always a part of the spark between you two - you guys connect on some level me and Faith don't even understand. Did you know Willow once had a stroll in my head to rid me of the ol' comatose inertia that was going around? Then there was that time you were my mystical guide in the desert. See? Getting you here was all about the team effort.

And that's why I can talk to you - `cos we're mystically connected an' all. Thank God. How else would I have figured out the tangled mess that is my relationship with Faith?

Of course there may be some irony in the fact that I've been talking to you about my stress with Faith, but me disappearing to see you is what caused the recent rifts between us. I never got that. All the time I was feeling hurt and betrayed by Faith, she was acting that way `cos she felt hurt and betrayed by me. It's a worse mess than self-spawning demon eggs.

But I needed to talk all this through anyway and you were always the one I told my secrets. Now you're all fleshy, you won't tell anyone will you? `Cos remember; human equals poke-able. I hope I haven't been boring you with my Faith drama. Heaven's blissful an' all but it doesn't make for tall tales. I know you did all the real work with the conjuring, but I'm glad that embodied Buffy could work this cauldron for you. Turns out; stirring's quite therapeutic. It could be the latest healing craze. We should call Oprah.

Where was I? Oh right; Faith. So when I was done telling her that it was you I'd been sneaking off to see, she went quiet. I mean creepily quiet for Faith.

She hadn't looked at me the whole time I'd been talking. So I sat there, waiting. I wasn't sure what I was waiting for. Possibly tears but more likely rage. The explosion was inevitable and for once I couldn't really blame her. I had been lying for weeks.

“So B, let me see if I got this right, you've been sneaking off and lying and lifting books and spell stuff from all over school” I nodded sheepishly, “as a surprise for Red? All this time you've been working to bring back her Witch Babe?”

“Well, technically she was already back I was just helping unghostify her.”

“But that's it? That's what you've been lying about?”

I nodded.

Faith snorted. “Fuck, B. You ever think we take ourselves too serious?” She smirked at me.

“Uh huh. Like all the time.” I grinned back at her. And pretty soon Faith and I were clutching our sides and then each other as we laughed ourselves into mild hysteria. She was right; the whole thing was kinda ridiculous.

Faith was doubled over on the bed trying fairly unsuccessfully to contain herself. “I thought you were doing the permanent hook up with some well groomed respectable guy.”

I rolled my eyes, brushing the tears of mirth from my cheeks. “Yeah and I thought you might bail at any moment.”

“For real B?”

“Seriously.”

“So what we're saying is?” She looked questioningly at me.

“I think what we're saying is that we want to be together but we're both too suspicious of the other to ever trust that. I should have told you about Tara. Sorry.”

Faith was lying on her back still clutching at her sides. She shifted slightly so her head was resting on my knee. “Yeah, me too.”

I leaned down and kissed her forehead.

She yawned. “I need to hit the hay. That was some night; I fought a vamp with a soul, awoke from a coma, secrets got revealed, we argued. Jeez B, it's just like being back in Sunnydale.”

“The good ol' days.”

“Except not so much.”

“At least our evening ended in laughter.”

“Ah the upside.” She sat up and kissed me. “I could sleep for days. `Night B.”

“Wha….? I thought we were gonna…” I smiled coyly at her.

“Shag like rabbits?”

“God Faith, don't say that now Anya's back. But now you mention it, yeah. We should do something to like, I dunno, celebrate or something.”

“I thought we trashed the whole wedding thang.”

“I didn't mean that kind of celebration. I was thinking; you, me and sexy outfits that don't stay on for long.”

Faith licked her lips. “All in good time B, all in good time.”

I groaned in utter frustration. Then a disturbing thought came to me, “Faith? Now that we're being all nice, does that mean things won't be hot anymore? Like, if we're not fighting, do you think we'll lose the spark?”

Faith stood in the doorway smirking at me. “Be in your room tomorrow night at 7.”

“I'll try. First I'm meeting Cordy to pass on all the valuable knowledge I picked up from my brief stint as guidance counsellor. It should be a scintillating discussion for us both.”

“Just be in your room at exactly 7. With the door closed.”

“'K. But it better be worth it!” I pouted at her.

“Oh it will be. Believe me.”

“Faiiiiiith” I whined. “Couldn't you just do me quickly?” Faith grinned so wide. She was delighted with herself. The girl loves to torture me. If I'm honest, I love being tortured by the girl.

“Nuh uh B. No way.” And off she went to bed.

It seemed like the kind of night I should've lain awake reflecting on the irony of all that happened. I was awake for a while, but wondering what Faith had in store. And then, I slept.

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