Chapter Seven
The Next Chapter
When we're having sex I always stroke and kiss the scar. Faith says; “B you don't have to do that.”
I say; “I know.” I hope it will remind her of how different we are now. That things are different between us. I touch her there; the site of the worst thing I ever did. I try to pour all the love and care into every lick and caress of that place. I want to heal what has gone before and I need to keep doing it. The scar will never disappear. But I do it to remind her that while things are different now, so much better; kinder. I haven't forgotten. I won't ever forget. I want her to know that I've taken responsibility and to know that it's possible to still be loved and ok after doing that. I want her to understand that I won't deny our past and I'll keep trying to heal it. I know I don't have to. I even know she's forgiven me. I haven't really forgiven myself. Another thing we have in common. There will always be sadness between us even in the form of a thin silvery line of scarring. Faded, but it's there.
You know, I never feel secure in our relationship but Faith is the only person who ever made me feel safe. You're thinking Angel, right? He was once my knight in super shiny armour, but he was always a vampire. With Faith it's not like that because despite being so different we're essentially the same. So, there was this time a few years back when I decided for the 480th time that things were absolutely once and for all well and truly over between us. Don't roll your eyes, I was very serious. There are only so many nights a girl can take of hearing the one you love fucking every skeaze who rolls their hips at her on the dance floor. I'd reached the end of my very long tether and decided it was time to let go and settle down with same nice stable guy. Any nice, stable extremely hot guy would do. Giles kindly sent me on a mission to the Northern Territories to capture a rare Vanquista demon. I told Dawn we were going on a delightful Canadian vacation with all expenses paid for demon execution. So I pried her away from Connor for three seconds and off we went.
You know how I was never crazy big on research? I figured I'd slain thousands of species of demon, how hard could a daylight basking Vanquista be? The more pertinent question is how wrong can one girl be? The answer is very. You know what a Vanquista demon does when it gets you? It haunts you…inside I mean. It induces psychosis through some mystical aloe oozed straight from its palm into the victim's hair. Hair. Giles knows how I feel about lather rinsing and repeating to get rid of sewer smell. There are not enough pro-vitamins in existence to deal with that aloe gunk oozing into your follicles. And at that point the gunk was the least of my worries.
Dawn, being a Watcher in Training, felt guilty for not having researched this thing properly. I hadn't told Dawn the real reason I'd requested a rural vacation; to remove myself from the luscious temptation which is the body of Faith. So, when I was muttering apologies to Mom for leaving my school books lying round the house and not tidying my room, Dawn called the one person who she knew would vanquish the Vanquista and be there for me. The thing about Faith is, that if you have her loyalty then you like have it. Not in a monogamy way or anything. Oh no. But she never killed Angelus. I did. Dawn knew that Faith would kill the demon and stop at nothing to make sure I was ok.
When I'd left Cleveland to go on that mission, the last person I'd have wanted to see was Faith. But the Vanquista goo makes you all paranoidy, right? And the source of 98.9% of my insecurity? The grunting curly haired brunette. So actually, although she didn't understand the reasons why, little sis was right to call Faith. She was the only one who could alleviate my paranoia while I waited for said mystical aloe to make its way out of my system. When I left for vacation I was kinda numb. But the effects of the demon gunk are downright painful. And there's something about being haunted that Faith understands. Dawn called and never heard back from Faith. But less than a day later she brought the head of the demon to where Dawn and I were staying. That was truly the most romantic thing Faith ever did for me.
Then Faith sat by me for four days. I mean, she literally didn't leave my bedside. Dawn would hand her a bowl of iced water every couple of hours and Faith would mop my brow to try and ease the fever. Yep. Faith played nurse-maid. Freaky, right?
But it was more than that. Every terrifying thing I'd ever thought came to mind while I was under the thrall of the mystical hair gunk. I don't mean actual demons and monsters. I mean the personal ones; the stuff that keeps us awake at night but we never say. Basically it was one long week of watching Faith get it on with everyone I've ever met, while I failed to resuscitate Mom, Glory got Dawn who was never real anyway and Dad just kept leaving. But the worst thing was that whenever I wasn't slicing a sword into Angel I could feel the knife gouging Faith's gut. The look in her eyes at that moment was the scenic background to the picture show which was Buffy's personal version of hell.
The whole thing's a bit of a blur but Dawn says it's a good thing we were in a cabin miles from anywhere as my shrieking could have woken whole villages. She also says that Faith would hold my hand saying; “Look Buffy, Dawn's right here. Your sister's safe. Glory's dead. Dawn's here. You saved her. You save everyone.”
Apparently then I'd shriek that I didn't save her and various other things I'd rather not repeat now from that night on the roof. Then Faith would clasp me to her and quietly reassure me that we've all done bad things and it wasn't my fault, which I know is a lie. But it was sweet of her to say. When I was all halluncinationed out Faith would fall asleep on the wood floor beside my bed. I'd wake her every couple of hours screaming some variation on; “Don't jump. Don't die. I killed you, I've become you” at the top of my lungs. In those moments Dawn says it was a toss up between who looked more terrified; me from my haunting induced nightmare or Faith by being roused from much-needed sleep by my cries over the worst moments between us.
One time I woke her up with what they both say was the most bone-chilling scream; “Faith, no!”
Faith slipped into the kitchen where Dawn was doing anything to feel useful and making us all soup. Faith said; “Ya know Mini-Buff I'm not sure I can do this. I think I'm makin' this worse for B and it's too freaky, ya know? B's the strong one.”
Dawn was pleading with her to stay when apparently I cried; “Mommy please don't die.” That's hard to tell you even now. But according to Dawn, in an instant Faith was clutching me, stroking my hair away from my face. It was kinda this weird week of role reversal as she soothed my nightmares. I think Dawnie got a glimpse of Faith's true feelings. She doesn't show her vulnerability much and it's not like I tell the others about her tortured dreams. Since then, Dawn's been a lot more charitable towards Faith and our non-relationship. While I don't remember much of that week, which is no bad thing, I do remember the sensation of Faith's arms around me and the entire plane journey with her hands around mine as she sat beside me. Needless to say, that my plan to secure myself a nice stable hunk never materialized after that.
So now I'm stuck with this woman I adore who I've been encouraging to take a bit more responsibility. Especially where Toby's concerned. My reasons for this? My vague hope that Faith will be a bit dependable and ease up on the drinking. It would make Toby happy and considering how much he looks up to her, it wouldn't hurt if she started being a decent influence. Plus, I won't lie to you; it's not easy having a kid. I kinda became instant-Mom when mine died. But Toby's younger than Dawn was and it's a lot to deal with alone. Faith's been talking recently as if she wants to be a proper part of his life. Even so, I was surprised when she readily agreed to look after Toby on Saturday morning so I Dawn and do some much needed retail therapy. Do you know how long it's been since I got new clothes? Faith didn't even complain when I mentioned that hanging with Toby included supervising homework. “No sweat B. We're teachers now, right? Homework's a breeze.” I was delighted.
That was, until noon, when I returned completely earringed, pursed and shoed out. Yes I actually reached my personal accessory threshold. I was on my way to stow said purchases in my room when I walked past the open door to the communal staff living room.
Faith and Toby were both still in their PJs, lying on their stomachs watching The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. They were surrounded by about fifteen of those mini cereal boxes. All the sugar cereals had been consumed, the healthy ones, funnily enough, had been discarded; “Hey Kid, have you tried my triple chocolate combo? The milk's almost black.”
“Cool.” Toby grabbed her spoon.
“Uh, Faith, could I have a word?”
“Oh, hey B. Sure.” She turned to Toby; “Kid, call me if Raphael does anything cool?” She tapped his Spiderman- pyjamas clad leg, as she got up. “I'm probably in trouble with the boss.” She gestured at me and rolled her eyes.
“Don't let her hassle you.” Toby rolled his eyes back.
I grabbed Faith's arm and pulled her out the room. “Thanks a lot Faith.”
“For what?” She was all innocence. “B, you look especially hot today.”
It was my turn to roll my eyes. “Don't even try it Faith.”
“But you smell good too.” She kissed my neck, which wasn't as hard to resist as it sounds because it's not like she's been uber affectionate lately.
“Homework?”
She yawned, stretching in the extremely tight tank top and boxers which are her pyjamas. “Come on B, it's the weekend, don't be such a drag.”
“Don't make me have to be.” Faith sighed. “I know you already agreed to be there for Toby but that involves more than wild stories, laser tag and teaching him to side-kick Giles' topiary. Obviously you can still do all that stuff. You should do it. But I need you to be more like a…” I hesitated here, not sure how she'd respond to the word but I needed to get my point across; “Parent. And sometimes take a hard line, make unpopular decisions. I need you to do some of the worrying.” I hate being the grown-up sometimes. “I'm happy to negotiate the details of what it means to be a good parent. But then I need you to stick to what we agree. I know you love him and want him to have a different childhood than you did.” I tentatively placed my hand on her shoulder.
“Yeah, what his bastard parents didn't already fuck up.”
“What you've done so far is amazing, for yourself and for him. He can tell you the biggest worst stuff.” Her hand actually reached up and covered mine.
“Only you could have done that Honey. You already are an amazing parent in some big profoundy ways. I just don't wanna always be the bad one.”
“Always?” She smirked at me. “Face it B, it's your turn to be the bad Slayer.” She was swatting playfully at me and we were laughing.
I wondered if maybe it was possible this would all work out. “How come you being the bad Slayer involves being wild, mysterious and dark? Me being the bad Slayer involves insisting on a consistent bedtime?” I pouted.
“Well for a start you're leaving out the me killing people part. Also, you're just too good to be truly dark.” I twisted her nipple `til she cried out.
Obviously I want Faith to be more responsible and a better influence slash role model for Toby. But Faith being Faith, she takes everything to the extreme. She has to prove her point. A few hours after our big `shared responsibility' conversation, Toby was standing between us in the car park. He was on his way out with the gang. Faith started wrapping a scarf around his neck. It was seventy degrees out. But she was all; “Wear a jacket, don't do drugs, eat your vegetables - not broccoli but the others, drink milk; there's nothing funny about healthy teeth and bones. And be back before midnight.”
Toby beckoned Faith to lean forward so he could jump high enough to feel her forehead. He turned to me and said; “She's very very ill.” Then he ran off to join Xander and Andrew's weekly expedition to the comic book store.
“And be back before curfew or you're grounded young man.” Faith called after him. Then she turned to me and said; “How'd I do?” I shook my head at her, but I was grinning. “See B, picture of sensible responsibility here.”
“Yeah?” I slipped my hand into the back pocket of her jeans.
“B, we're in public. This is not a good example for the children.” She shook her finger at me.
In fact, for once, public displays of groping were not why I had my hand on her butt - not that I didn't have a good feel while I was there. I retrieved the slingshot from her back pocket and held it up. “Um, would this have anything to do with the wrinkled forehead of a certain principal hmming and hawing about dry cleaning cherry stains out of tweed? Or a phantom ex-Watcher muttering; `I may not be corporeal but cherry pips through the eyes and nostrils are still rather unseemly.' I am suspecting that there might be a connection between that and the cherry juice dripping down Toby's chin. And yours for that matter.” I licked it off for her. Sweet caring me. I'm all about the altruism.
Faith leaned in and kissed my cheek. “I'm going for a walk. See ya later B.” She skulked away.
Huh? And did I mention huh? I was way confused. I ran after her, grabbing her arm. “Don't shut me out Faith. I care about you I wanna be there; maybe I can even soothe some of the pain.”
“Don't use that word!”
“Pain? Sorry.”
“No, the other word.”
“Soothe?” Faith half shuddered, half cringed as she nodded emphatically. “Why? I think it's a nice word.”
“It's not! I hate that fucking word.”
“It's just a word Faith.”
“It fucking isn't just a fucking word.” And she stormed off, boots weighing heavily down on the grass as she broke into a run. Away from me. So I was left trying to figure out what exactly had got to her this much, this time. Wanting desperately to help her and not knowing how.
Angel says I should just wait and the moment will arise. He says I'll know when. I like talking to Angel about Faith because he has well, faith in her. Angel is optimistic. He says that there is a strong part of Faith that desperately needs things to be different. According to Angel, there will be a time when I can reach out to her and she'll accept my help. Maybe he means the nightmares? I don't even talk to him about them. It's not my place. But what if the perfect time arrives and I'm yelling at Spike or getting a manicure.
Chapter Eight
Purity Test
It was the first time I'd seen Faith post the post-Scythe-Share night of humungous hunger and whatever is way bigger than humungous hornyness. I knocked on Faith's door, rolling my eyes at the sign saying `if you wanna come in you'd better be naked.' The clinging halter top and hair swept behind her ear revealed the enticing curve where her neck meets her shoulder. I gaped at the exposed skin as she opened the door. Faith's room was very inviting.
“B?” She quirked her eyebrow at me in that Faith way. Half curious half come on.
“Hey Faith, got any size three stakes? I'm all out.” They regulate stakes for Slayer training now. It's based on diameter or something. So wrong. Her room was way smaller than mine and there wasn't much there. It wasn't as messy as you'd expect Faith's space to be. Not that it was all immaculate - that would be weird. The room gave the impression that she cared about her space but was trying to seem like she didn't. There were little touches, things that were very Faith; black sheets on the bed, a black and white poster of undressed people - it was hard to tell how many `cos their limbs were kinda tangled up. But the picture was more artistic than you'd expect of Faith. Against the wall facing the bed was an impressive array of weapons; crossbows, hatchet and knives of every size shape and lethalness known to woman. Faith had actually arranged them like they were on display. Weapons and black sheets and pictures of naked people don't sound so homely do they? But it was the most settled I'd seen Faith and her room smelt musky and enticing. I walked in before I was invited.
There were a whole lot of stakes embossed with the Academy logo. “Help yourself.” The stakes were piled into a stainless steel bin. Faith definitely had the whole black and silver theme working for her.
I made no pretence over checking out the papers on her desk. Most of them were way out of date official Academy paperwork she'd forgotten to sign. My desk didn't look that different. I picked up a single page. “You should get this back to Giles.” I avoided looking in her eyes when she rolled them like I was the most un-cool Slayer in the world. I picked something else up and smirked; “Since when do you buy purple sparkly paper-clips?”
“I confiscated it.”
“Why? And since when do you confiscate?” I laughed at her. Then I noticed what the paper-clip was holding together. Half a dozen pages, the first entitled `Purity Test.' There were 200 questions.
“I took it from some Grade Ten Slayers. I think they were starting some secret dare club. I just wanted to see what it was, ya know?”
I couldn't stop laughing. “Sorry Faith, it's just that you took possession of inappropriate material.” I flipped through it, cringing slightly. “I wouldn't want to answer some of these questions.” Wrong thing to say to the girl who thrives on my discomfort.
She looked at me, eyes brimming with familiar challenge; “Dare ya.”
“Grow up Faith.”
“Wouldn't think you'd be worryin' B, what with purity being your middle name and all.”
I was seething. She does that. “You have no idea, what I got up to all those years you were locked away.” Low blow I know.
“Prison's not exactly an obstacle to wholesomeness Buffy. You're just scared I'll be right when this test proves how prissy you are.”
“You are so gonna lose.” I took a moment to assess my priorities. “What do I get when I win?”
“Anything you want.” My stomach flipped over when her cheeks dimpled. “And if I win. I get anything I want.” That glint in her eye always signified trouble of the most troublesome kind.
But there was no way I could reject that challenge. “Deal.” Faith eased her fingers into mine and I was mesmerized, until I realized we were shaking on the dare. Did I mention that what was brewing was trouble?
I sat down opposite her on the floor as if we were going head to head in a TV game show. Faith snatched the test from me. “Question number one. Have you ever kissed a boy? Bor-ring.”
“I'm keeping score. One all.” So, the way this thing works; there are 200 questions about stuff you've done. Mainly sex stuff. It starts out tame and then builds up to stuff that no one en-souled or otherwise should ever take part in. Depending on how many questions you answer with `yes' you get a percentage scoring how pure you are. We were competing for the lowest score.
I'm guessing it won't surprise you to know that after not very long, Faith was winning. She'd done every kinky thing imaginable, and some things it was hard to imagine. I should never have agreed to compete with Faith about sex. Grrrr. But we both wanted to suss out each other's histories and it wasn't like we could just ask. As with everything, we were vying for power and Faith seemed to have it.
That was, until 136. The necrophilia question. “Fine B, you get a point for Tortured-Soul Boy. Question 137. Have you had sex with more than one dead person at the same time?” Faith rolled her eyes. “That would be no, and no. Are you marking this down B?”
I smirked. “In fact, that would be no.” I said pointing at her. “And yes.” Indicating myself. I was way proud of me.
“No way. You can't go making stuff up just `cos you're lagging far far behind.”
“Actually…” I told her, in perhaps not my most modest voice, about my night with Angel and Spike.
“You got it on with dead and deader?” Faith was genuinely amazed.
“Yup.” I nodded, all proud of myself.
Faith looked puzzled. “Wow B, I'm actually impressed.”
“They were competing to see who could give me the most orgasms.”
“And you didn't invite me?” Faith clutched her chest as if in tremendous pain. “I'm hurt B.” My own face must have fallen at that moment because Faith said; “Hey, I'm just messing with ya.”
“No, it's just that I always thought that was the perfect night and you just made me realize it could have been so much better.” I sighed.
Faith laughed and looked kinda triumphant. Then, before she realized what she'd said; “I wouldn't have shared you anyway.” She tried to cover her embarrassment by telling me an anecdote about a mixed gender biker gang, a ten foot length of rope and the public bathroom of a highway rest stop. But I heard.
According to Faith, necrophilia is one of the five basic no nos of SM but hello? Been there. Done that. Many times. Faith thought she could out-shock me…huh. She wishes. Robin Wood versus Angel and Spike? Together. I think I know who's more dangerous. And hot for that matter. Also, does she remember when I came back from the dead? Oh yeah, you're right; she wouldn't, not with the whole being in prison thing. But anyway, beside the point. Spike and I were kinky! We could kink with the best of them what with the invisibleness and the house falling down and in an alley behind the Double Meat Palace. Ok, yeah sorry. Way too much information about Spike, right? All I'm saying is kinky. See? Pointing to chest for emphasis and everything.
Despite my momentary triumph, Faith won. “So, B? Let's see…” She drummed her fingers on the floor pretending to be all contemplating. “For my prize. I pick…you.” She looked smug in that way only Faith can, as she ran a forefinger down my cheek.
Instantly my stomach tightened and I got those anticipatory tingles like just before a really big vamp creeps up on me, when I'm not sure yet whether I'll make the stake. I was also curious and a little intrigued to know what this big-assed vamp would be like.
I was still sitting cross-legged on the floor like the good little girl that I am. Suddenly her lips were pressing into mine, her tongue squishing the protests back into my throat where they transmuted into a long slow moan. Faith was trying to possess me. Her lips, tongue, teeth all attacking the inside of my mouth. The force of her mauling toppled me backwards until Faith was writhing enthusiastically on top, her legs perfectly positioned between each of mine.
It's not like Faith wastes time. Within seconds her hands had slithered under my shirt, tugging at my bra, allowing her fingernails to graze across my breasts and then down along my stomach. I'd forgotten how to breathe. There was just enough pain as she sucked at my neck to draw an involuntary whimper. Then she'd return to slightly kinder sensations.
Her lips sucked on my skin as her fingers hastily handled me. Every touch was rushed and scalding as if at any moment I might come to my senses and push her away. It did occur to me. But as she raised her body up, manoeuvring her hand more intimately between us, I caught sight of her rack. Those breasts were mesmerizing. I was mortified when she caught me looking; “Happy there B?”
“Could be better F.”
She looked deeply offended. I tore her bodice top down the middle, ripping it from her body. Her breasts were now fully exposed and within easy reach of my ravenous mouth. Then I looked up at her oh so innocently and said; “See? Much better.”
“I knew you were into it.” Her cheeks dimpled into a grin that would make you melt into the floor. That is if you weren't so intent on melting into the body above that was pressing into all the right spots.
Then my fly was being unbuttoned and Faith's fingers were sliding into my underwear. She let out one of her low sexy groans as she felt for herself just how turned on I was. When Faith pulled her hand away it was my turn to groan - in utter frustration. She brought her hand to her mouth and tentatively ran the tip of her tongue along the tips of her fingers. Then slowly she licked along the underside of each before taking her index finger into her mouth and voraciously giving it head. With her other hand she took mine and guided it down to the waistband of my panties. “Uh, Faith, I'd rather touch you there.” I was feeling embarrassed and kinda awkward.
“So?”
“I don't think I want to.”
“I don't think I care. I won and I want to see you touch yourself. I think you'll find that you're my prize. Just do as you're told for once will ya? For one lousy second. It'll be wicked hot, I promise.”
You know I don't exactly love being told what to do. But once in a while it's a relief when someone else makes the decisions. It's kinda nice not being the one in control. I'll rephrase; it's kinda nice when Faith's the one in control. “Ok fine.” I blushed as I…I can't tell you this, it's too, you know. So trying not to get into more wildly inappropriate detail than I have already. Faith wanted to see me, I so can't look at you now, sucking on my fingers and tasting myself. Ok, so maybe I enjoyed doing it just a little when I saw how excited she got from watching.
“B.” She said her special nickname for me in a long throaty whisper drawing the word out as if it had three syllables.
“Naked.” I was barely coherent. It was all moving so fast and I was overwhelmed by the excited headiness and my own arousal. Faith had resumed teasing my pussy lips.
“Huh?” She barely paused in her ministrations.
“Naked. Us. Need to be. Now.”
“Sometimes B, you actually make a lot of sense.” At Slayer speed we disrobed one another of all remaining clothes. Soon warm naked Faith was pressing down on my body. As her pussy slid against mine I cried out. Her back arched as she pushed harder into me. For a brief moment Faith looked me directly in the eye, as if she would risk what I might see there in exchange for a glimpse of what I was feeling.
I don't know if she found what she needed but beneath the curiosity and arousal I saw fear in her stare. She looked as though at any given moment I might shove my knee into her groin or drive my nails into her back in less than pleasurable ways. A deep ache welled up inside my chest. But as she plunged her hand inside me the ache dissipated and as the curl of her fingers hit my g-spot the ache was mostly forgotten.
Each nerve ending inside my body roared with sensation as Faith coaxed out of me every ounce of pleasure I was capable of producing. My blood-curdling scream could have woken the dead. If half of the dead weren't already wandering round the school. “I thought you said you won?” I was seriously self-satisfied as I half beamed half smirked at her.
It's easier to talk about sex these days. I've become less coy I think. You've noticed? That's what being with Faith for six years will do to a girl. But it wasn't all my fault, there were the extenuating circumstances of Jack Daniels. We were drunk, hungry and horny at 3am. So very extenuating circumstances. Ok, well um…I never could lie to you. Truth is; no one was drunk. We hadn't slayed anything. And we were actually stone cold sober. In the middle of the afternoon.
But all that was in the good old days before Faith got in touch with her pain. It was when she was wild, crazy, reckless…fun. There are glimmers of the old Faith now but it's not the same. I miss it. Miss her.
What with me sleeping in Toby's room and Faith dealing with the big scary stuff, there's not much of the down and dirty happening. You know something's up with the universe when I'm the one frustrated by lack of sex.
