Chapter 40- Buildin’ From What’s Left of the Rubble
“…!”
Dawn’s yellin’ at me but I can’t hear a fuckin’ thing. Did the force of the blast blow out my ear drums?
“…cie, Faith!”
Huh? See what?
“No, Faith. Francie, did you see her?”
Somewhere, but I don’t know where.
“Faith! Get up and get it together, we’ve gotta make sure everyone’s with us, Willow’s gonna take us back. Now, Faith! NOW!”
I feel like my head’s encased in plastic and my feet are steeped in glue.
“Francie?!” Dawn yells and I’m finally brought back to reality.
I look around and people are helping each other up and Willow’s makin’ sure she’s ready to get people out of here.
“The police are gonna come soon, we need to get gone, Faith.”
I nod and look back towards what’s left of the buildin’ there’s a plume of smoke and out of it comes my cousin, helpin’ another girl who looks like her leg’s mostly gone.
“Help me! She needs someone to stop the bleedin’!!”
I run over and help Francie carry her.
“No, it’s ok, I’m fine.” The girl I recognize as Stephanie says. She’s laughin’ like it’s no big deal. “Hey, Faith, how are you?”
Fuck, she’s losin’ so much blood she’s loopy. I know how that feels. Kinda feels like you had a few too many. Good for her she’s feelin’ no pain though, that leg is a fuckin’ sight to see.
“Faith, bring her over here, we’ll get her out first with some of the others who need immediate attention.”
I look at Willow speakin’ so calmly and I cock my head to the side like a dog.
“Are you ok, Faith?”
I nod, “I’m just peachy, how’re you feelin’?”
“We’ve got some work to do here, let’s worry about feelings later. Can you help me teleport them out? I’ve called ahead to Andrea, she’s making room for them in the triage unit at the headquarters.”
My eyes go wide and she looks away, she’s just tryin’ to keep it together so we don’t get arrested, but I somehow feel it’s not good for her to act all detached. I dunno though, I guess she knows best.
“Yeah, I can help you, Will.”
“Good, let’s go then. Group up everyone!”
Satsu goes over and gets ready to go back with Will.
I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and I take it out and look at the display, Will’s words come back to me and I think, ‘We don’t have time for feelings.’ I put the phone back in my pocket and get ready to teleport my group back.
“Faith! Will! Satsu! What happened?!” Buffy’s frantic. “I tried to call you!” She looks at me and I shrug. “What happened, Faith?”
“She’s gone.” Willow says quietly and leaves the room. Buffy goes to follow her and I stop her, Satsu goes after her instead.
“Who’s? Oh no…no…not again!”
“B, leave it for now.”
“Whatta ya mean, ‘leave it for now’?! Are you people on drugs? You came back all weird. Like, eerily calm!”
I look at her and the tears in my eyes let her know I’m anything but calm.
“Oh, god, Faith, I’m…I’m so sorry.” She comes over to me and wraps me up in a hug.
I dunno why, but I don’t wanna be touched right now. I feel all irritated. I think she senses this because she pulls back slightly and looks into my eyes. “What’s going on?”
“We should decide who goes to the safehouse and who stays.”
B lets it drop for now and we make some decisions. After consultin’ with Giles and the rest of the scoobs minus Willow we decide that most of the slayers will stay here, with Dawnie, Satsu, Andrew and Giles. Me and B’ll go back to the safehouse with Francie, Xander and Willow. I’m happy about that, ‘cause I’d like to keep an eye on Willow.
Dunno when she’s gonna lose it, but Xander’s brought her back from the brink before, and I wanna be there to lend a hand with the muscle, just in case.
“I’ll go tell Will we’re ready to go,” I say. “Get everyone else in a group, B. I’ll be right back.”
When I get to the room Satsu was stayin’ in I hear low voices, they’re talkin’, so I knock.
“You ready to go, Will?”
“Go where?”
“To the safehouse,” Satsu opens the door for me so I don’t have to talk at it. “Me, Buffy, Francie and Xand are goin’ back there, we thought you’d like to come with us.”
“It’ll be cramped, Faith. And besides I think I need to oversee things here.”
I look at Satsu puzzled, and she nods like she’s agreein’ with Will.
“I think Satsu’s got it covered here, Willow, c’mon with us, we’ll help you with whatever you need.”
“Faith, thank you, but what I need right now is to keep working, we’re not done yet.”
“But, Will…”
“Faith, don’t worry, I’ll be here for her.”
My eyes fly to Satsu’s and I probably look like I’m tryin’ to burn a hole in her skull ‘cause she backs up a little.
Willow sees the expression on my face, “It’s not what you think, Faith.” She sighs. “Just go back with Buffy, we’ll talk later.”
What a fuckin’ fucked up fuckin’ day! I wanna punch things, but even though Will’s actin’ all weird I don’t make a big deal out of it, she just lost her girl, she doesn’t deserve me actin’ like an asshole to her.
But what the fuck? She’s not even cryin’, and what’s with her and Satsu?
“I’ll see you later, Faith. I wanna call a debrief in about an hour or so, we’ll meet at the safehouse.”
“You got it, Will.”
I leave without another word.
We’re back at the safehouse and after everyone fawned over us and watched the fallout of the buildin’ blast on the news, me and B slipped off to the room she’s stayin’ in.
Well, I slipped off and she followed me. She knows I shouldn’t be left to myself in these situations.
I scoot back on the bed layin’ up against the pillows and lookin’ outta the skylight in the ceilin’ up into the sky.
My thoughts of course, are of Kennedy.
Five years ago she was a potential, and a real big pain in the ass, four years ago she was one of my best friends. Then she went away with Willow and we kept in touch, workin’ together when needed and kickin’ ass. We were unstoppable. Last year she became a pain in the ass again, and I dismissed her. Never even questioned why, just figured she had become a huge dick and I had to cut her off.
A few weeks ago we found out the truth, she was being mind controlled by Laurie, Parker and Bobby, so that they could infiltrate our operation and bring us down from the inside. They almost succeeded, but with her help they didn’t.
This morning she was a rat, and now she’s gone.
And I’m still here.
“Hey,” Buffy says quietly as she comes outta the bathroom.
“Hey,”
She comes over and stands in front of the bed just lookin’ at me, I think she’s tryin’ to decide what to do. Whether she should leave the room or not.
I hold my arms out to her and she crawls up the bed and into my arms.
She knows what I’m thinkin’, I can tell by the look on her face.
“It’s not your fault, Faith. None of us could know.”
I don’t say anything, I don’t even shrug.
“I’m worried about Willow.”
“About her non reaction?”
“Yeah,”
“She’s still in shock, I guess. It’s like me after my mom died, I thought I had to keep it together for everyone else, ya know? Keep moving on so we wouldn’t fall apart.”
“Yeah, that’s what scares me, ya know?”
“I know.”
We all know that inside Buffy was dyin’ herself and just didn’t know how to deal with it, and then Glory happened, and Riley that asshole left, thank fuck for me, and she died so Dawnie and the rest of the world could live.
Well, fuck that, she ain’t doin’ that no more, she’s paid her dues. I pull her closer and give her a gentle kiss, thankin’ her as best I can for bein’ the wonderful woman that she is.
When the kiss breaks she sighs out, “I’m sorry that we lost Kennedy, and we’ll help Will deal once she finally allows herself to think about it. And I’m so glad you didn’t try to stay and get yourself killed. I know that’s what’s eating you up inside right now, but you did what you needed to do, Faith.”
“I ran,” I sound like I did when Kakistos was after me and I was tellin’ her about what he did to my watcher.
“And you got people out safely. And you came back to me so we could live to fight this battle together.”
I see where she’s goin’ with this.
“’Cause that fuckface is still alive.”
“Exactly. We’re not done.”
We go silent for a while, just listenin’ to each other breathe. Givin’ each other squeezes and little kisses and a comfortin’ word here and there.
“We’ve got an appointment tomorrow.” I say after a while.
“For what?”
I reach down and rub her stomach.
“Oh right.” She smiles.
“I think it’s big enough to get its picture taken, don’t you?”
“I think so. Even though it’s kinda slowed down, it still seems to be growing really fast.” She rubs her stomach and pats it.
“Do we have cocoa butter here?”
She smiles at me, “In the bathroom.”
“I’ll be right back.” I pull away from her gently and go into the bathroom to get the stick of cocoa butter.
After I come back, we get all situated again on the bed with her leanin’ back against me and her shirt up over her stomach, I start rubbin’ the cocoa butter on her belly.
“Ya know, we could just get one of the wicca’s to do a spell so the stretch marks would go away.”
“Yeah, we could, but then I can’t be with you like this.”
She turns her head and gives me a sweet kiss. “Thank you, sweetheart.”
“You’re welcome, honey.”
“Thank you all for cramming in here on such short notice.” Will says lookin’ at us all crammed into the livin’ room.
“That’s ok, Will, we like sitting on each other’s laps.” Dawnie says shovin’ Andrew a little to the side.
“Couldn’t you just do a spell that would make the living room bigger?” Andrew asks shovin’ Dawn back.
“Ooh! Like in Harry Potter where they turned a pup tent into a huge room!” Ashleigh says excitedly.
“Exactly! Wasn’t it cool when Ron…”
Willow spins around on her heel and points right in Andy’s face.
“Do you think my craft is all smoke and mirrors, Andrew?! Do you think what I do is all tricks and gimmicks?! DO YOU WANT ME TO PULL A RABBIT OUT OF A HAT NEXT?!”
Damn, Andy just shrunk to like two feet tall and his mouth is gapin’ open, he doesn’t know what to say. No one’s sayin’ a fuckin’ thing, Buffy gets up to get in between them or say somethin’ but I stop her with a hand on her arm. Will’s gotta get it out, we’ll make sure it doesn’t get too far, but I have a feelin’ she’s not gonna let it go that far. She just wants answers.
“WELL?! DO YOU?!” He doesn’t answer and it seems like an hour goes by before she speaks again more calmly, “Well, if you do then you have no idea about me or anything I stand for. I thought you of all people would understand me.”
Andy finally finds his voice, “I-I’m sorry, Willow. I-it was a stupid joke. You know how much I respect you and your c-craft.” He looks like he’s gonna cry but he doesn’t look away from her.
She sighs, and walks closer to him, he shrinks back a bit but she shows him a gentle hand and puts it in his hair, she lifts his chin a bit and looks like she’s tryin’ to find truth in his eyes, she must find it because her face becomes softer. “No, Andrew, I’m sorry. I’m just…”
“I know.” He says his voice thick with tears.
Buffy steps behind Will and hugs her from the back. Willow allows herself to relax into the hug, drawin’ strength from it.
No one says anything, we’re all comfortin’ each other, mainly those next to us. Joey breaks away from Leah and hangs onto my leg, steadyin’ himself. I pick him up and rock him on my hip. My little buddy.
After a while Will sighs and breaks the hug, “We’ve found out a few things, and we’ve still got work to do. I’m not forgetting anything, or anyone, and I’ll deal with that soon enough. But we can’t fall apart now. Ok?”
Everyone nods and gives their ok. We’ll all keep a close eye on her though, Buffy, me and the Scoobs especially.
“Good, here’s what we’ve got.” Willow indicates towards the wall. “Giles, start us off. Can someone get the lights?”
Xander goes and gets the lights, Kara, Leah and my uncles go downstairs with some of the others who don’t need to be in on this, and that’s good. While I don’t wanna lie and keep a lot from them, I think they don’t need to know everything. Joey stays with me though, his presence is calmin’ me down a lot and I don’t feel so dark and broody. Buffy usually does that for me, but she’s over stuck like glue to Will, and I’m happy about that, I don’t want Will to be alone.
What we find out is that Parker’s been plottin’ his revenge against Buffy for a while now. In his last years of college he got into politics and made his life’s work servin’ the people with his slimy ways, and keepin’ tabs on Buffy apparently. Seems he spent a couple of years workin’ for Old Wolfram and Hart. Fucker.
“How did he hook up with my Dad?”
“Apparently through mutual friends,” Giles says. “He came to Massachusetts to the Kennedy School of Government to work on his thesis and someone introduced him to Bobby Cochrane, your friend from childhood.”
“Not friend, he was always an asshole.” I grumble.
“Yes, well, apparently he had something against you. He followed your every move.”
Probably ‘cause I wouldn’t go out with his ass in freshman year; why do men have to get all vengeful like that? Well, we always knew he would be the person most likely to blow shit up. That fuckin’ pyro.
“So, we’ve seen Parker, where’s Bobby been?”
“We’re having a friend look for him. Nothing’s turned up as of yet.”
“There’s something else…” Will says.
“Oh god, what?!” Buffy asks.
Giles and Will share a look, and then Giles turns to me.
What the fuck?
“Just spill it G-man, I don’t need poignant and meaningful right now, just give it to me straight.”
“It seems as though your father really was trying to make things up to you. Bobby and Parker had him under their control as well. They kept telling him you would be proud of his work as a politician and that you might even help him one day.”
I don’t know how to feel about that. I mean, what the fuck do I say to that? He was a huge asshole for pretty much all of my life, I can’t just forgive that now because he’s dead.
Oh shit.
“He didn’t happen to die protectin’ me somehow?”
“Well, we think…”
“Fuck thinkin’, get Alicia, I want to hear it from her.”
“She’s undercover.”
“So what?”
“Well, we can’t get in touch with her.”
“Tell the vamps I’m lookin’ for her, send up the bat signal, do some fuckin’ thing, I wanna see her.”
Somehow I think she knew more when she talked to me at Gee Gee’s funeral, I wanna fuckin’ know why she didn’t tell me then.
“We’ll get in touch with her.” Xander says.
I nod at him.
“So, Parker, what do we do about him?” Buffy asks Giles, I know she’s seethin’ and wants a piece of him like yesterday.
“We’ve got the situation under control, he’ll be turned over to the authorities as soon as we find him. It seems he’s gone into hiding.”
Hidin’, yeah, we’ll see about that.
“Somehow I don’t think the authorities will be able to handle him.” B says.
“I didn’t say the regular authorities, he’ll be dealt with, and that’s all anyone needs to know.”
“Sounds good to me.” I say.
“Yep, nothing sounds better.” Xander adds.
Buffy’s still lookin’ skeptical and Dawn looks like she wants to kick me in the ass.
Willow nods and draws a deep breath, lettin’ it out slowly.
“We’ll need to go over a few more things, but can we do that tomorrow? I suddenly feel really tired.”
“Of course, we’ll all reconvene here in the morning, is that ok with everyone?”
Everyone agrees. We’re all tired, it’s been a long drainin’ day, and people are still tryin’ to come to grips with their emotions.
“You gonna stay here tonight, Will?”
“Satsu said I can stay in her room. I think I need to be alone right now.”
I wanna ask if Satsu’s gonna be in the room too, but I don’t wanna get a reaction like Andy got, I know she needs to let it out, but I couldn’t take her screamin’ in my face right now. I’m too upset.
“Alright, Will. If you need anything you let us know. Anything, ok?”
“Absolutely, thanks, Faith.”
“We love you.” I go to her and wrap her up in a hug. Buffy comes over and hugs us both. Will manages to leave without any tears.
That still bugs me.
I see B yawnin’ from across the room. I take Joey down to Leah and she pulls me into a hug.
“Sorry about Kennedy, Faith. That was just so fucked up.” She whispers into my ear.
“Thanks, Lee. That really means a lot.”
“Anytime,” She doesn’t let me go right away and looks me in the eyes, I can see the sincerity clearly in hers. “I mean it.”
“I know you do, and I’m really grateful to you for that.”
“Goodnight.”
“You too, thanks again.”
I give her another hug and a kiss on the cheek and kiss Joey on his forehead, he squeals and grabs onto my hair.
That makes me smile, he’s got a freakin’ strong grip though and Leah has to untangle his chubby fist from it or else he’ll take a chunk out.
“That’s the hair little boy, ya don’t mess with the hair.” I wink at him. “Night.”
“Night.” Leah and Kara say, I think they’re worried what might happen, if there’ll be break downs and what not. We’ll see.
I go back upstairs and find out that Buffy’s gone to bed. I wish she would have waited for me, I wanted to carry her up the steps, I feel like babyin’ her a lot lately.
“You doin’ ok?” I say when I get in the room, I see she’s got her eyes open, just thinkin’.
“People died again, because of me.” She says quietly.
“Buffy,” I lay down beside her on the bed and kiss her shoulder tenderly, she turns a bit and scoots back against me so we’re back to front, but really close together. “You’re always sayin’ I shouldn’t feel like it’s my fault, why’re you beatin’ yourself up about it?”
“I shouldn’t have gotten drunk that night.”
“What night?”
“The night I turned into Cave Buffy.”
“Oh yeah? You got drunk that night?”
“Yeah,”
“Fuck, you’re right, how fuckin’ incredibly selfish of you, I mean lettin’ off steam like that!”
She stiffens against me.
“Why the fuck would you think you could go to a bar and have a few beers?!”
“My carelessness led to people being killed, Faith, it’s not funny.”
“No, it’s not funny, Buffy. And it’s completely irrational of you to think that you’re the cause of all this. So, stop doin’ it, B!”
She’s quiet for a while and then I feel her shakin’ against me. She’s cryin’ and tryin’ not to let me know.
“Let it out, baby, don’t keep it inside.” I whisper.
She turns around in my arms as best she can and leans in for a kiss. I wouldn’t have thought she’d be lookin’ for hot and heavy but it seems she is, ‘cause she’s suckin’ on my tongue like it’s the best candy she’s ever tasted.
I push her back a little, I wanna know what’s goin’ on in her head.
“What’s up, B?” I look into her eyes searchin’ for somethin’.
“I just…” she trails off, the tears still standin’ in her eyes. God, I hate when she cries. I would gladly take another knife to the gut if she’d never have to cry again. But if I died that would kinda suck, so what the fuck am I sayin’?
“Just what?”
“Need to feel…I feel like…”
“I know.” I say and capture her lips again in a softer, but still needy kiss.
We stay like that kissin’ and just bein’. It feels so good.
I don’t take it further, and neither does she. We just need to feel. The connection is doin’ it all for us.
I feel whole. Like I always knew I could with her, even when I thought it was hopeless, and that’s why I was so fucked up back then.
Back when I first went to Sunnydale.
Fucked up because I knew she wouldn’t be mine, and I didn’t really know how to deal with wantin’ her to be mine either.
I was messed in the head, even worse than now.
Buffy’s feelin’ the pull of sleep, ‘cause she stretches onto her back like a cat, and yawns.
“Go ahead and sleep, B. You need your rest.”
“You’re not sleeping with me?”
“I’m gonna stay up a little, I’m not tired enough to sleep, too much goin’ on in my head.”
“Can you stay with me while I sleep?”
“Yep, not goin’ nowhere, just not sleepy.”
“Kay.”
I can tell she’s waitin’ for somethin’ else.
“What, baby?”
“My back is cold.”
I laugh as I scoot up behind her, “Oh, sorry, how stupid of me.”
The next thing I know the room is a hell of a lot darker than when I scooted up behind Buffy, and I can feel a presence in the room.
I realize it’s what woke me up.
I sit up quickly ready to fuckin’ kill whatever got in here.
“I-I couldn’t sleep, and I really didn’t wanna be alone.”
“Will?”
“Do you think I could maybe stay here with you guys a while?”
Buffy wakes up with a start.
“What’s wrong?!”
“Nothin’s wrong, B. Go back to sleep.”
“I gotta pee,” She gets up to go then feels someone else is in the room and jumps into a fightin’ stance. She relaxes so she must sense who it is. “God, Will!! Is that you?”
“Yeah, I couldn’t sleep, or think, or do anything anymore. I needed you guys.”
“Whew, I almost punched you in the face.”
“That’s ok, Buff. I don’t think I’d feel it right now if you did anyway.”
Buffy holds her arms out to her friend and Willow shuffles into them. I get up and go around huggin’ her too.
After a while Buffy goes off to the bathroom and Will sits on the bed.
“Go ahead, Will, lay down. You look like you need it.”
“I do, I so do. But Faith, I don’t know what to do anymore.”
“You don’t have to know what to do, we’ll figure it out together.”
“That…that spell. If only it worked like it should’ve.”
“What, teleportin’ you all out safely to an undisclosed location and gettin’ blown up anyway when Laurie set off the bomb she had on her?”
Willow’s shoulders slump.
“It’s the one time where I’m glad no one thought I could translate Latin.” I say, rubbin’ her shoulder a bit.
She laughs a little, “You would have gotten it right.”
“And I’m tellin’ ya, it woulda been wrong. You’re beatin’ yourself up over this, and Buffy is too, how am I the voice of reason all of a sudden?”
“You’ve always been the voice of reason, Faith. You just never let yourself believe that was the voice that should be heard.”
“Yeah, over all the other voices in my fucked up brain, huh?”
“You’ve gotten better.”
“A little.”
“A lot.” She smiles at me and then gets a confused look.
I know she’s thinkin’ of her and I wanna ask a question that’s been on my mind since I got blown off my feet when the buildin’ blew. It’ll make Will cry, but that’s what I’m aimin’ for here.
“You knew Ken knew didn’t ya?”
She nods, her face is a painful mask but she seems to keep it all in.
“That’s why you left so quickly…without a fight I mean.”
Another nod and her breath catches in her throat, “I could hear it in her voice.”
I can hear the tears in hers, she’s just one or two sentences away.
“She loved you so much, Will. She said to tell you her last thoughts were of you.”
That does it. And I’m glad I didn’t have to lie to get the bottled up emotions out of her. I feel good about it, even though the situation makes me wanna throw up, and kill Parker and Bobby at the same time.
Her body is wracked with sobs and she’s doubled over almost painfully.
I pull her back and down onto the bed to let her cry it out in my arms. Buffy comes outta the bathroom and doesn’t say a word, she just gets in bed on the other side and hugs Willow to her. We stay like that for a long while, until Will’s cried it out, and we’ve all gotten too sleepy to do anything else.
Finally, we drift off into an uneasy but oddly comfortin’ sleep.
We’ll see what tomorrow brings, at least one thing will be happy.
I hope.
