Chapter 29: Goodbye My Darling
Song credit: Julia by the Beatles
My father's walkin' towards me and someone intercepts him, they point discreetly with their head in the direction of the casket as they whisper somethin' to him. His woman stands there and is tryin' to look at everything but the casket. She must be squeamish about seein' dead bodies.
Wouldn't that be a kick in the nuts if that mother fucker that thinks he should be called ‘Dad' is a vamp?! That's what I call irony. Not anything that Alanis Morissette chick would consider to be ironic, that's for fuckin' true.
My heart's racin' triple time and the other slayers that can feel a vamp are lookin' around and lookin' at me to see what we should do.
I put my hand at the back of my neck like I'm tryin' to rub some of the tension out, I look at Buffy and she knows that I'm tellin' them to stand down. It's our signal. Rona nods at me as well.
Francie comes over to me, she's hella spooked. It looks like she saw a fuckin' ghost. I guess she's still not used to feelin' vamps, and she's probably freaked that one's at her grandma's wake and we're probably not gonna be able to do anything about it, at least not here.
She whispers in a shaky voice. "Faith, th-that's..."
"Faith's father." Aunt Dee says with disdain as she comes up behind us. "I see he brought his new girlfriend. She must be 20. He's such a dog."
I shrug. I guess she does look pretty young. She's really good lookin' I'll give her that. All exotic lookin' and tan, probably from Brazil or somethin'.
"Don't worry, Faith. We'll be here for ya." Uncle Jim comes up behind Aunt Dee. "That jerk ain't gonna mess with no one."
"Thanks, really. I appreciate the support." They both put their hands on my shoulders. It makes me smile.
"Oh, look. He's prayin' for Ma. How nice." She's barely containin' her anger and I can tell she wants to swear, but she's bein' good for Gee Gee.
He's on the kneeler with his head down, prayin' for Jesus to grant Gee Gee entrance into heaven. That's really nice of him. Too bad I'm gonna send that fucker to hell as soon as he's outside. But I'm a bitch like that.
I so fuckin' wanna just break a leg off one of the chairs and stake him in his back. Too many people here though and I respect Gee Gee too much to cause a scene at her wake.
Will comes over, she senses somethin's up.
"Everything ok, Faith?"
"Just can't wait to see my dad, Will. Nothin' else really."
"I thought I felt a chill." She senses there's somethin' in the room that ain't right.
"Yeah, I did, too. I think there might be a draft, but we don't know where it's comin' from." I look in her eyes when I say that and hers show understandin', she knows.
"I should have brought a shawl."
"It'll get warmer, probably once we're outside." I chuckle.
"They always keep these places real cold." Uncle Jim says, and I can see Aunt Dee shiver and nod.
I watch as my dad gets up from his kneelin' position and stands over the casket, lookin' down. He makes a show of wipin' his eyes and I can hear my aunt choke back a bitter laugh.
"The nerve of that mother..."
"Dee," Uncle Jim cuts her off. "Let's go over and stand at the receivin' line. Give Faith some space. We'll deal with him first."
"Good idea." Aunt Dee says.
That's good, gives me a few more minutes to think of what I'm gonna do. I already know what I'm gonna say to him.
When they leave to go stand by my other uncles I see Giles step up next to me. "I saw you use your stand down signal. Surely there's not a vampire here."
"Yeah, G. I think my father's a mother f---uhhh a vamp."
"You don't say." He says shocked.
I nod.
"Faith, that woman..." Francie starts up again then stops.
I watch as my dad's girlfriend crosses herself and then kneels down. She looks at Gee Gee for a few moments and then bows her head in prayer.
"What about her Fran? You think she's a vamp, too?"
"With that amount of pigment?" Giles asks.
Yeah, she's got a real nice tan goin' on.
Francie whispers, "No, Faith...I-I've seen her before..."
"Where? Around here?"
"No...in pictures."
"What pictures?"
"Gee Gee's pictures."
"Holy sh...Fran, are you sayin' she's related to us?"
"No, I've seen her in that picture Gee Gee has on the wall of her room."
What fuckin' picture? The only pictures she had were of her and Pops and her village and one of her and her friend.
Francie continues, "She's...she's got her arm around her, they...they were friends." I can hear a hitch in Francie's voice like she's gonna cry, she knows this is big. Who the fuck? Oh, no way!!
No fuckin' way!!!!!
I'm starin' at the woman's actions as she crosses herself and gets up from her kneelin' position. I see her quickly place somethin' in the casket.
She says a few more quick words and steps back, lookin' at Gee Gee once more. She looks like she's decided somethin' and then makes her way over to my dad who's talkin' to my aunt and uncles. She looks over at me.
Alicia.
She looks away quickly and gives her condolences to my family.
"Alicia's a vamp." I say as I narrow my eyes and cock my head to the side. I feel tears threatenin' to spring to my eyes.
"Oh dear, God." Giles says as he takes his glasses off his face and his handkerchief out of his pocket.
"Oh no," Will says stunned.
"Faith..." Francie's gonna cry any second now.
"I know, Francie, I know." My voice waivers.
I wanna sit down and bawl like a mother fuckin' baby for the fucked up life of a slayer who was turned into a vamp, and for my grandmother, I'm glad she's not alive to see this.
To see me have to stake her best friend and kill a human. ‘Cause if my dad is behind this shit with Kennedy, he's fuckin' goin' down.
Buffy can see the looks on our faces and wants to come over so bad. Will goes over to her like she's gonna tell her off and asks her to see her in the next room. Rona's sittin' there confused, but stays put. She feels the vamp gettin' closer as Alicia gets introduced to my family. I give her the stand down signal again. She nods slightly and looks away.
What the fuck kinda fucked up world do we live in?
What the fuck am I supposed to do?
I look around at the various people here, most are givin' me sympathetic looks. They know it can't be good, me meetin' my father like this, here.
But fuck it, I gotta step the fuck up into the role of the leader of this family, just like my Gee Gee wanted. I push my feelin's down and decide to stay cool. We can't let them know we're on to ‘em.
I whisper to my cousin, "Francie, don't do anything unless they strike first, got it?"
"Yes." She gets the same set to her stance that I have and her hands settle into a reserved yet ready for anything position.
She's a good girl. Gonna make a fuckin' awesome slayer someday.
My ‘dad' starts walkin' towards me, he notices Ken/Rona and gives a head nod. That doesn't look good for him.
I can feel someone come up behind me and I know it's Buffy. She's breathin' heavy but she's not sayin' nothin'.
She reaches out without drawin' anyone's attention and she touches the small of my back, lettin' me know she's there for me.
"Faith, so sorry about Giulia." My dad extends his hand. I guess there's a moment of tension in the room at what I'll do, but I immediately stop it by takin' his hand in mine and shakin' it politely.
"Thanks for comin'."
"She was a good woman, always nice to me." He hasn't let go of my hand as he's smilin' at me. At least I know he's not a vamp, his hand is warm. But he's still a huge douche.
"Who's your friend?" I say lookin' at Alicia. She's kinda lookin' away, but not.
"This lovely woman is my girlfriend, Nina." He lets go of my hand and brings her around him so she can shake my hand. "Nina, this is the daughter I was telling you about, Faith."
Heh. Daughter. The one he never wanted.
I don't let it bother me none, I know he's tryin' to get to me.
I take her hand, it's not as cold as I would have thought, but it's probably like ice compared to mine. "Nice to meet you, Nina."
"I've heard a great many things about you, Faith. It's a pleasure to meet you finally."
"Thanks." I give a polite smile and let go of her hand. "I'm sorry that I haven't had the chance to hear much about you."
"I'm sure we'll get to spend some time together, now that you're father and I are going out." She smiles, damn she's pretty. Too bad I gotta waste her.
"That'd be nice." I feel another gentle rub on the small of my back, B's still lettin' me know she's there just in case I need her. I so wish I could introduce her as my wife.
My father notices her behind me and asks who she is. B plays it cool and pretends she's not listenin' to the conversation, she's turned and talkin' to Dawn who's behind us. She, Xander, Will and Andrew are all standin' behind me makin' sure shit's not about to happen, but if it does they're prepared.
I tell him she's a friend.
Giles introduces himself as a co-worker. My dad gives him a little glare. Yeah, he fuckin' knows Giles has been more of a Dad to me than he could ever hope to be.
After we get finished with the intros my dad looks kinda uncomfortable, Alicia's lookin' like she fits right in. I've gotta keep an eye on her, make sure she doesn't go all fangy on people.
I assign someone to watch her as I go around doin' my thing. Talkin' with family and people that came to pay their respects to Gee Gee.
After a little while more the priest from Gee Gee's church, Father Albert, comes up and does a couple short readin's from the bible and then he talks about Gee Gee's life.
He then tells a story that has us all cryin'. It was about a time when he thought he had lost his way, and was thinkin' of leavin' the church. He had given Gee Gee confession, and she sensed by his voice that he was depressed. And right there in the confessional she got him to tell her his problems and helped him out as best she could. Later that week, she showed up to the Abbey where he lived with a tray of stuffed shells, and they talked more over dinner. He said that was the single defining moment of his priesthood, when God saw to it to bring Gee Gee to him, and with stuffed shells no less.
Heh. We all laugh at that, but that's exactly how Gee Gee was. She'd try to help them no matter what, and if she couldn't help ‘em, she'd put ‘em in touch with someone who could. She one time tried to help a robber who was stealin' her purse. Until the fucker hit her over the head with a brick, she was in the hospital for a week. I was 12 at the time, and had my first thoughts of murder when I heard he had done that to my grandmother. We didn't know she had tried to get him to stop what he was doin' and help him out of a life of crime. The person who called the ambulance told my Aunt Dee all that.
They caught the fucker about a week later, he was a drug addict. The fuckin' really nice twist, is that my mother was the one to tip him off that Gee Gee was goin' to the bank to make a deposit. She didn't wanna have her hands dirty or look suspicious, so she got him to do it. She was probably bangin' him. We found all that out a couple of years later, and that was the second time I had murderous thoughts. Like actually plannin' out how I was gonna kill and dispose of the body.
Even after all the shit my ma had done to me up until then, I was still beggin' for her love and attention, but after that she and I were through. I didn't care if she was murdered in her bed, and if I were less of a wuss and more crazy back then I would have done it myself.
Father Albert is done tellin' a story of when he was a boy and he asked his mother about the presence of God, and she said that He is with us always, that even when we're doing wrong, that God is there with us, guiding us, trying to steer us in the right direction, sometimes failing, but never giving up hope that one day we'll see the error of our ways and turn our lives around. Gee Gee was my God, and I know I'm gonna get struck down or whatever for sayin' that, but I'll take my chances.
I feel another gentle touch at the small of my back and I wanna cry, I just wanna turn around and wrap B up in the biggest hug and bawl my eyes out into her shoulder. I love her so much, and the fact that she's lettin' me know how much she cares for me, fills me with so much love that I can hardly contain my emotions. The tears are streamin' down my face, I turn to my Aunt and cousins, and Aunt Dee lets out a sob when she sees my face. We all share a hug in front of the priest, who's in front of Gee Gee's casket.
He finishes and my Uncle Ted goes up and thanks him, he comes over and gives his condolences to us and pinches my cheek. He remembers me from when I was a kid and Gee Gee used to bring me to church. He also remembers the time when I almost burned down the church with Brian and that pyro Bobby Cochrane. He played it down for the police and my ma so I didn't get beat, and I'll always remember that kindness. I hug him, and thank him for takin' the time to come say those beautiful things about Gee Gee. He says he'll be back here first thing tomorrow, to say the prayers before we close the casket and he'll be performin' the service at the church. I thank him again and he goes to talk to some of the other people that are here.
I sneak a look around and Will's monitorin' the movements of Alicia, who catches my gaze and beckons me over with a nod to her head. My father's somewhere in a corner holdin' court.
"What's up, Nina?" I can't help but fuck with her, she's a vamp. All kinds of alarm bells are goin' off within my body, tellin' me to ‘stake it'.
"You look like you could use a cigarette."
Fuck, yeah I could. Buffy's within earshot and I can tell she heard Alicia say that to me.
"I quit," B's shoulders relax.
"Well how about you humor me and come out while I smoke one?"
I shrug. "Sure, if you need hand holdin'." I'm bein' a bitch but I would have had her followed anyway when she went out, might as well find out some shit I've been wantin' to know.
I follow her out and she goes to let me out the door first, but I don't go, I'm not turnin' my back on the vamp girlfriend of my Dad, even if she was Gee Gee's slayer.
"After you." She indicates with her hand.
"Nope, you go first, or if you'd like you can go out this door and I'll go out the front and meet you around the side. But ain't no way I'm goin' out first."
"Very well then," She slips out the door and I follow a few seconds behind. I'm makin' sure I keep my back to a wall, no need to be ambushed from behind.
She takes out a cigarette and offers me one. I stare at the pack for a few seconds. It's the fuckin' kind I would kill for. Djarum Black. They're cloves but in all black paper, even the filter is black. And they're fuckin' awesome. My mouth is waterin' I want one that bad.
I decide to have one. Fuck it! I need this, just one, I reason.
I take one from her and look over to the window of the funeral home, I can see Dawnie and Andrew lookin' out, but they can't see me, only Alicia. Good, they're keepin' an eye on what's up out here, and can't report back to B that I'm smokin'.
Heh. I know I suck.
"So, Nina. How did you meet my father?"
She looks at me like she's tryin' to work out the thoughts in my head. Probably knows a spell to see what I'm thinkin' but the Shaman's block is impenetrable, we found that out for real in D.C.
"You know who I am, don't you, Faith?" I notice she's got a slight Italian accent, just like Gee Gee had, kinda undetectable, but still there, although Alicia's is a bit thicker.
"Yeah, I do, and this is the first time through this whole thing that I'm actually glad my grandmother is not here to see somethin'."
She looks down at the lighter she was about to light her cigarette with. She kind of bites her lip and then recovers, she holds out the lighter for me to light my cigarette and lights her own when I'm done.
"You think you're the only one to have that thought?"
She sounds hurt.
"What's your deal, Alicia?"
"You know about your father?" She whispers.
"What about him?"
She comes up close to me. I stiffen and put my hand in my pocket. I've got a modified version of a Peskett close combat weapon. It has a weighted end, and a retractable pick like blade, that I had fitted with a mahogany tip. It's also got a garrotte if I need to twist the head off of a vamp. It's helped me through lots of situations. I wouldn't mind usin' it now.
"You know he's got something to do with this Kennedy business."
"The fuck you know about that?"
"Enough, and probably more than you, now listen..."
"Why should I trust a vamp?"
She takes a step back, again she looks like I slapped her, and she's kinda guilt ridden.
She turns her back on me and walks over to a low wall that's a bit to the left of the courtyard we're in. She's lookin' out at the parkin' lot it over looks.
"Your grandmother was an exceptional woman, no?"
"The fuckin' best, pardon my French."
Alicia chuckles. "If that's your French, I'd hate to hear your Italian."
I don't feel like bein' lighthearted but I wanna laugh. I can tell she's funny.
"What did you bring me out here for?"
"To warn you."
"What about?"
"Your father..."
"What about him?"
"He's small potatoes, as you American's say. Eh?"
"Whatta ya mean?" I'm not givin' an inch. Let her give up all the information. I don't need to earn her trust.
"He's involved in the Kennedy thing, but he's not in charge."
"Who is?"
She turns around and I close my hand tighter around my weapon.
"It seems you have made some enemies in the government."
"Tell me somethin' I don't know. Look, I appreciate the cat and mouse routine here, ‘cause it's fun. But really, I got my grandmother laid out in there. I need to get back to my family." I want to know more about Ken, but I don't think she's gonna give it up right now, and I don't wanna waste my time out here.
She looked visibly shaken when I said that about Gee Gee.
"Your grandmother and I were very close." She says quietly, while she's lookin' at her shoes. I take a long drag off my cigarette and flick it half smoked on the ground. I draw the smoke deep into my lungs, hold it for a moment or two and then expel it far into the air above me.
"Oh yeah? You don't say." I'm bein' a bitch cause she went and got herself turned, but also cause she left their village without a word to my grandmother.
"Yes, we were best friends since very early childhood. Our mothers were friends, and we were together all the time."
I don't say anything smart, I really wanna hear this.
"When I became a slayer I didn't want anyone to know, I wasn't going to use my powers. I didn't want to be called. But there were bad men in our village, who were trying to manipulate the people to do what they wanted, and they weren't the mafia either. They were a group of vampires loyal to the old one, from Greece."
"Kakistos." A chill runs up my spine.
"Yes, you were the one to finally rid the world of him." She smiles all proud at me.
I nod, I'm still not givin' her much, I wanna know her deal.
She continues, "So, I started sneaking out at night and going to slay. When I would come back before sunrise sometimes Giulia would already be up, she'd see me all beat up but wouldn't say a word, she just made me something to eat, cleaned me up and sent me home to sleep." She stops and gets a smile on her face, "Sometimes I was so tired I couldn't even move after I ate, she'd let me sleep in her bed."
"Wouldn't my great grandparents have said somethin' about you bein' all beat up?"
"At that time your great grandfather was off in the army, and your great grandmother would be up and out early, she had a job at the local hospital. She was what you'd call a nurses' assistant. She'd have to drive there in a cart pulled by a horse." She chuckles, "Life was much simpler in those days."
She takes out another cigarette and offers me one, I shake my head. Don't need Buffy completely nuttin' out on me later.
"One day when I came home I couldn't hide who I was any longer; I had been cut very badly. Your grandmother nursed me back to health and I confessed to her what I was. I say confessed, but she demanded I tell her."
"When were you turned?" I don't say this like a smart ass, I feel bad about it.
She looks visibly upset and looks away.
"I had already come to America, I was 23, it was about seven years after I left Sicily. I was out in L.A. and was kind of wild. My heart was broken and I was drunk, I passed out."
"And when you woke up you were turned?"
"Apparently."
"Jesus Christ! That must have been some bender!"
"I wanted to die." She chuckles bitterly. "I guess I got my wish."
I want to sit down but it would mess up my pants, I need to hear the rest of this though.
"What made you want to die?"
She sort of smirks but it's a pained one, I see the tears well up in her eyes. She lets out a half laugh/half sob.
For a vamp she's awfully remorseful.
‘Oh dear lord', as Giles would say. I know why now.
"You're souled."
"Yes." She nods and that makes the tears spill out onto her cheeks.
"How, and when?"
"I'd heard of this vampire who had become souled, back before the turn of the century. As soon as I heard of it, I traveled to Romania and sought out one of the surviving members of the Kalderash tribe. They gave me the spell they used. I had a friend perform it."
"So what now? You experience a moment of true happiness and your soul goes bye-bye?"
She shakes her head. "My friend is very powerful, he modified the spell."
"Why would a vamp want to do all that?"
"I don't know why, but I never got the hopeless bloodlust that is supposed to befall vampires, it might have something to do with the fact that I once was a slayer."
We're interrupted by the back door opening.
"Faith, is everything alright?" Giles sounds a bit worried. He's such a granny, but he's sweet and I love it. ‘Sides the others, especially Buffy, probably pushed him into checkin'.
"Everything's fine G-man. Me and Nina are getting acquainted. I'll be back in there soon."
"Very well, I'll leave you to it." He shuts the door.
"You'll be back in there soon? Are you still thinking of staking me?"
"I'm keepin' my options open. I mean I know you were Gee Gee's friend and all, but I don't know you, and I don't really trust vamps."
"No? Not even Angel?"
"He's different, and no, I didn't trust him right away. Almost staked him a few times."
She nods her understandin'.
"So why'd you want to off yourself?"
She draws in a shaky breath and then lets it out.
"What would you have done if the person you loved married someone else? And you were the one who set them up?"
"Depends on who the person was, I've only ever wanted to kill myself over one girl."
She looks at me and I know she knows. Everything.
"And now you know why I wanted to die."
"Who was it?" I think I know the answer to this, but I wanna hear it from her.
"Giulia."
"I'll have that cigarette now."
She hands over the pack.
I light one up and take another long drag.
"Were you...you two..." Shit I don't know if I wanna know.
"Yes, briefly. But I knew we couldn't stay like that. I was the slayer, you know we aren't meant to live long lives."
Holy shit, holy shit!
"You just left her? She followed you!"
"I know and I never thought she would. But I should have known, testa dura, no?"
Heh. Yeah. But fuck, she left my grandmother!
"Why would you do that to her?!"
"To make sure she had a better life. To give her a life. What life could I have offered her?"
"Did it matter? If you loved her and she loved you..."
"You wouldn't be here." She smiles bitter sweetly at me.
She's right, and I feel like such a shit. Besides the fact that I'm a fuckin' hypocrite. If I had my way I'd have left Buffy so many times ‘cause I thought she should have a better life. But things are different now, things are much more tolerant these days. They didn't have that luxury.
"So you knew my granddad too?"
"Yes, he was a friend of a friend. I knew he'd be a great match for your grandmother."
"Did she know she was set up?"
"No, and neither did he. It wasn't like he had to take pity on her, I just knew he'd fall in love with her, and she would come to love him, so I pulled some strings."
"Did my grandmother know you were alive?"
"No, she and I never met after I left Sicily. I watched over her, though, at times. And you."
"Me? When?!"
"When I could."
"Did ya watch while my mother was beatin' me?"
"No, but I made it so a few of her boyfriends saw the ‘light'."
"Really? You're just one swell woman, ain't cha?" I feel a bit bitter, if she was watchin' over us why'd she let that shit happen?
"I wasn't able to be there all the time, Faith. But I was able to make sure Emily was your watcher."
"And look how well that turned out." I still can't help lashin' out.
She smirks at me. "It could've gone better, I agree. She was a wonderful woman and you both didn't deserve to go through what you did."
"Where were you on that one?"
"I'm not God, Faith. I can't be everywhere all the time."
I guess she's right. Can't fuck with fate anyway, if she had maybe me and B wouldn't have ended up where we are now.
"So, you and my Gee Gee huh?" I shake my head.
She nods sadly.
"Well, it's not that I'm against it, it's just that I can't wrap my brain around that kinda knowledge right now. Ya know?"
"I understand."
Shit! With this new revelation, I forgot about all that shit about my father. I feel a presence and spin around. I catch a mess of blonde hair movin' quickly away from the window. Buffy's spyin'. Heh. I'm surprised she hasn't asked Will to do an invisibility spell so she could come out here but chances are Alicia would've detected it.
"She's a great woman for you." Alicia's lookin' at the window.
"Who?"
"Buffy."
"We're broken up."
"Faith, I'm not stupid, I know what's going on."
Fuck! If our cover is blown we gotta act quick!
"Does anyone else?"
"No, you've got them quite fooled. Very good work, by the way."
I sigh relieved.
"Thanks."
"I hope you see me as an ally, Faith. I've made a promise, in there, to your grandmother, I'll help you defeat those behind all this."
"You better not be messin' with me, Alicia, ‘cause former lover of my grandmother or not, you fuck with me and my family or my slayers, or the fuckin' world for that matter, and you're goin' down."
I hold her gaze for several moments to make sure she gets how serious I am.
She nods her head, and looks all impressed, "I understand perfectly."
"We better get back inside or my fuckin' bastard of a fuckin' father will be suspicious." I start to turn away, then turn back, "So you gotta...ya know...with him?"
"I do what I have to for the cause, eh? I don't think about it. Or it would make me crazy."
Shit, she's probably sacrificed a lot in her life time. The first sacrifice she made was givin' up my Gee Gee so that Gee'd have a better life, and for the cause.
I have the strongest urge to hug Buffy and keep her close. Every day I'm learnin' how I should let go of some of the stupid hang-ups I've been holdin' on to.
"Do I need to know anything about who we're dealin' with?"
"For your safety I'll come to see you very soon. You'll be at your Aunt's house?"
"If not there then in Buffy's hotel room."
"I've heard you're trying to have a baby." She gets a huge smile on her face. "Brava!"
"How did you..."
"The warlock who restored my soul, he helped your Willow find the spell you used."
"He must be old."
"Very."
She's pretty fuckin' powerful. I better watch my back.
I go back inside and she follows behind a few minutes later.
My dad comes up to me.
"You and Nina getting acquainted?"
I nod.
"I'm glad! I hope we can become a family now, Faith."
Oh man, I wanna kick him in the balls so bad.
"I don't know about that," I have to will myself not to speak through clenched teeth. "But she seems nice, I wish you two well."
"Look, Faith. I know things haven't been so good between us in the past, but..."
"Look, Tommy. Things have been better in terrorist ravaged villages then what I went through as a child. Don't think you can just worm your way into my life. There are things goin' on that I can't deal with right now. Especially not you."
"Hey, hey." He puts up his hand, "I don't wanna start trouble."
"Good, ‘cause you're not gonna get a chance to."
He realizes he's not gonna get anywhere so he stops tryin'. At least he's not as dumb as a fuckin' post. I'd be really worried about my genes then. It's bad enough he's a major fuckin' prick.
"Ok, Faith. I get it. Let's just try to keep in touch, huh?"
"Whatever." I'll be keepin' in touch with his face soon.
Alicia steps up. "It was a pleasure to talk to you, Faith. I hope we get to do so again, soon."
"Sure."
They say goodbye and then go around the room sayin' goodbye to everyone who matters.
I need to fuckin' sit down, so I do.
Aunt Dee comes up and gives me a hug.
"You handled that really well, Faith. You showed him that you're mature, Gee Gee would be proud."
I think of Gee Gee and Alicia, and that makes me think of me and Buffy. I put my head in my hands.
I feel Buffy come up, and Aunt Dee stiffens beside me.
"I just wanted to..." B's kinda nervous about what Aunt Dee'll do or say to her.
I pick my head up and look in B's eyes. "Thanks for comin', Buffy. I appreciate it."
"It was the least I could do, she was..." Her voice breaks. "She was a wonderful woman."
Aunt Dee gets up and thanks B and hugs her. She says somethin' in her ear and B nods. Then Aunt Dee leaves us alone. Most everyone is gone now, just the main family. ‘Kennedy' is over talkin' to Willow, waitin' on B.
I get up and hug her, lingerin' just long enough to not make people talk, but to let her know I need her right now. When I pull outta the hug I see her eyes poolin' with tears in ‘em.
"See you tomorrow, Faith?"
"Yeah, the funeral's at 9, Giles' got the details, if you want ‘em."
"Of course. Have a good night. I'll see ya."
"Yeah, bye."
I nod over to ‘Ken'.
They leave and I wanna cry. I see my Aunt and Uncle's sayin' their goodbyes to Gee Gee for the night. We'll all be back tomorrow at 8, for the final prayers and goodbyes before they close her coffin. Man, that's gonna suck.
I go up and kneel at her casket. I see a picture that wasn't there before. It's of Alicia and Gee Gee and they're huggin' tight. There's an inscription: "Addio, mio dolce ragazza. Ci ritroveremo di nuovo un giorno. Ciao a dire Matty per me. Sempre, A." "Goodbye, my sweet girl. We shall meet again one day. Say hello to Matty for me. Always, A."
There's a St. Christopher's medal on a string tied to the picture. I rub my finger over it. Gee Gee gave me one just like it, a couple of months before I fucked off to SunnyD. It's probably still in the rubble of B's house. I left it in one of her drawers to keep her safe. Yeah, I was worried about her but I couldn't tell her that then. ‘Cause I was a fucked up bitch.
I get up before I start cryin' like a baby, and give my grandmother a kiss on the cheek. "See you tomorrow, Gee."
At the funeral home the next mornin' we listen as Father Albert says the prayers for Gee Gee's soul. No need, though, she's goin' to heaven for sure.
When he's done, we all get up and file past her casket sayin' our final goodbyes. There's not a dry eye in the room. Only immediate family is here so my fuckface father is nowhere in sight. Alicia knew that, plus she'd be a vampy candle in the daylight, so that's why she put that picture of them in the casket last night.
I didn't get to see Buffy last night and that's really botherin' me. The other thing I'm nervous about is they've asked me to say somethin' about Gee Gee at the service later. I tried to write some stuff last night but it got all mixed up. I guess I'm gonna just hafta shoot from the hip.
Finally, the undertakers come to close the casket, they give us a chance to take stuff from the casket that isn't gonna stay. Like the flowers, they have to come out. Aunt Dee takes the prayer beads from Gee Gee's hands. She goes to give ‘em to me.
"No, Dee, I can't. We should leave ‘em with her." She stops me.
"Gee Gee wanted you to have ‘em. She said you always liked ‘em. So don't be an ingraziada, huh?"
I take the beads and run my thumb over ‘em before I put them in my pocket.
"Thanks." My voice breaks. They're closin' the casket.
We watch as they close everything up and get it ready for the pall bearers to carry her out to the hearse.
I feel like liftin' it over my head and carryin' it by myself as my last opportunity to do somethin' for her, but then her words come back to me. She'll always be with me, and she'll be watchin' what I do. So there'll be other opportunities for me to do stuff for her.
Like raise my kids like she'd want me to.
We all walk outta the funeral home and get into the limos they've got for us. Giles is with me. I'm so glad, I need someone who gets me, all of me. Everyone else that does that for me'll be at the church and the one person that gets me the most, can't even sit near me.
How fucked up is that?
As we're sittin' in the pews at the church a familiar song starts up, there's a white screen behind the alter, pictures start goin' in a collage in time with the music.
Half of what I say is meaningless
But I say it just to reach you, Julia.
I look over and Aunt Dee smiles at me with tears in her eyes. Pops used to play this song for Gee Gee a lot.
The pictures start out when she was a baby, her parents, her brother, and yes, her best friend. Her parents are all stern lookin'. Back in those days, they didn't say cheese before you took a picture. You had to be serious. But Gee Gee's all smiles.
Julia, Julia, oceanchild, calls me
So I sing a song of love, Julia
Julia, seashell eyes, windy smile, calls me
So I sing a song of love, Julia.
Her hair of floating sky is shimmering, glimmering,
In the sun
There she is near the beach in Sicily. She looks like a movie star from the Fifties.
Julia, Julia, morning moon, touch me
So I sing a song of love, Julia.
And there she is with Pops on their wedding day. She's stunnin', and he looks like he just won the lottery.
When I cannot speak my heart
I can only speak my mind, Julia.
Here come the pictures of her and Pops and their kids. Damn, there's my Uncle Joe, my mom's twin. He looks like Joey, Leah's son. I guess we all look alike.
And there she is, Kate, so cute as a kid, such a nightmare as an adult.
Julia, sleeping sand, silent cloud, touch me
So I sing a song of love, Julia.
There's other candid photos of her and people are laughin'. There's one of her chasin' me, as I run stark naked down the street. I was three. The whole room is goin' nuts with laughter, and I briefly think we're gonna get tossed for the naked pics in church.
I turn around and Buffy's got the biggest smile on her face. I wink and then quickly turn back around.
Hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmmm...calls me
So I sing a song of love, Julia, Julia, Julia.
There are a few more pics as the song winds down. And then one of Gee Gee in her prime, and it fades into a recent one. Shit, that was on our weddin' day. She's so happy, it must have been her lookin' at us in front of Giles. Andy must have taken it of her.
Damn, the tears won't stop.
Giles reaches over and hands me a hanky, I mouth him a thanks, I see he's got tears in his eyes, too.
Uncle Sal pats my leg and Aunt Dee hugs me into her side.
I'm so glad I have my family with me, but I wish Buffy could be up here beside me.
The mass starts and I have to watch others to remember when to kneel and when to get up. Dude, it's been freakin' years. And even then I never went much.
Uncle John and Leah each do a readin' and then Father Albert says a few words.
And then I'm introduced. Fuck, my heart is in my stomach.
The people in my pew get up to let me through, and I make my way out to the aisle, I pass by Gee Gee's casket and I touch it briefly.
I get up to the pulpit and pray I don't go to talk and croak like a frog.
My hands and legs are shakin' a little and my mouth is all dry. I look out at everyone and they're all at attention, waitin' for me to speak. It's crazy dude, why do they have so much ‘faith' in me? Why did Gee Gee? Why does my aunt and other uncles? I'm just some punk kid who left them when shit got too hard.
I see Buffy and her face is one of pride, she's proud of me. My confidence is boosted and I take out my notes.
"First of all," I clear my throat, it was a bit froggy. "I'd like to thank everyone for comin'. Gee Gee is definitely smilin' down on us all, today." Everyone nods and murmurs, and some are lookin' up towards the ceilin' or at her coffin.
"The amount of people that are in this room, the flowers, the cards, letters and telegrams, which I didn't even know people did anymore." They chuckle at that. "Are all testaments to how loved and respected she was, is. When I was asked to speak, I thought, ‘What am I gonna say that'll do justice to her life?' and then Father Al's words came back in my mind." I look over to Father Albert who's sittin' on the alter but off to the side, he nods at me and smiles.
"When my life wasn't goin' so well, when I thought I'd never be able to live up to the standards she raised us in. And let's face it, whether you were one of her kids, her family, her friends, her kid's friends, or just an acquaintance, she raised us. Always teachin' and guidin' us to do what was best. Or even lettin' us be on our own, to make our way in the world. But she always was there. In ways we didn't even know were possible." I think of Alicia lookin' out for me, all because of Gee Gee.
"She never," My voice waivers and I can't look at anyone or I'll lose it, especially not Buffy. I look down at my paper, with not much on it, but it helps me focus. "She never asked anything of anyone, she never judged. Even when she should've. All I can say to her, now is, ‘We love you, we'll miss you. You'll forever be in our hearts, and we'll always be tryin' to make you proud, like you made us. Thank you Guilia, Gee Gee, Ma. Say Hi to Pops for us, and tell him ‘Comay Beller' from me." I look over at Dee and she's lost it, even my Uncles are bawlin', it feels final.
I whisper the rest.
"Sapendo che ci ha resi tutti più persone, la ringrazio la mia dolce nonna."
Some of the Italian speakers weep a little harder at that. I translate for the people who don't understand.
"Knowing you has made us all better people, thank you my sweet grandmother."
I wait a few moments as people start calmin' down. I look at all of them.
"Thanks again for coming, on behalf of my family, we appreciate it and we'll never forget it."
I get down from the pulpit and kiss the flag that's draped over Gee Gee's coffin. A few more people are weepin' kinda loudly. As I stand back up I notice some movement in the balcony of the church. I catch a glimpse of Alicia, she must've snuck in through the basement. She risked bein' burnt to a crisp to see the service. Damn, must have been some love she had for my Gee Gee.
I go back and take my seat. Aunt Dee's huggin' me and everyone's thankin' me for a great speech. I still don't think I did her justice.
Later on, as we stand by the grave, we're sayin' our final goodbyes, we kiss the flower we each have, and then place it on her coffin. I picked one that was Gee Gee's favorite color; it also happened to be the color of the brooch Alicia had on at the wake. I understand the significance now. Alicia didn't only love her, but she loved Alicia, I wonder if they had known about the havin' kids spell and were in a different era if they wouldn't have stayed together, and been like me and B.
Life's funny though, what doesn't happen in one generation, happens in another.
I wouldn't be surprised if that Elton John song from the Lion King started playin'. I chuckle a little at that thought as I kiss the flower and put it on the coffin.
I loved my grandpa, he was a great man, so I guess it worked out just how it needed to. Still, it's sad.
My Dad's been MIA, all day, I wonder what's up. This would be the perfect opportunity to be all high profile. I hope Alicia comes to see me tonight. I'm goin' to see B at the hotel. I can't stand bein' without her for this long.
I need my Buffy. And that's final.
