Chapter 22: Starin’ Blankly Ahead

Song credit: A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton

When I get "home" Buffy wraps herself around me and we stay huggin' for a bit, she knows there's somethin' goin' on with Will. A best friend can usually tell those types of things, and Buffy's pretty intuitive anyway. She's drawin' comfort from me as well as givin' it. I don't let our moment linger on too long though, there's a performance to do. We have to act all hot and heavy and in ‘new' love so we can't have too many poignant moments like that. Which completely sucks because I live for those sweet moments, I've become a total wuss like that, and really is that such a bad thing?

We pretend to make love for a while, and then pretend to bask in the afterglow. Buffy gets a call from Giles while we're layin' there all quiet and she says she has to go. She's gonna stay at his place tonight. She'll go over strategies and contingencies, Ken's persona non-grata right now with the Scoobs, so I can't go with her. We make plans to meet over in Jersey tomorrow at Teterboro, Ken's dad has a private jet there and we're takin' it to D.C. We've still got to find out who's behind all this shit.

After B leaves I don't know what to do with myself, I want to call Xand to see how Will's doin, but she's probably still passed out and he probably fell asleep, too. He's been puttin' in some long hours to try to help figure out what's goin' down.

While I'm sittin' there all alone Ken's cell rings, I look at the display. No name pops up; how's that fuckin' possible? Not even a number. I guess these are the fuckfaces we've been waitin' to hear from.

"Hello?"

"I see you've been with the blonde slayer, very, very nice." The voice sounds like it's distorted by one of those talking devices, it has a hint of an accent but I don't recognize anyone it could be. "That makes what we need to accomplish a lot easier. We've been watching the other one and she's nothing but a sniveling mess. You certainly have delivered thus far on your part of the deal. You'll be handsomely rewarded."

"Thanks," ‘Who am I?' I wanna ask this person, but I doubt they'd tell me. Probably'd push a button and take me out with a missile if they knew we were on to them. I hate havin' to think that the government's behind this, ‘cause that's gonna be really hard to deal with when the shit hits the fan.

"How soon will you be going to Washington?"

"Tomorrow, I'm taking the jet." Shit, I don't know who I'm supposed to be, someone pretending to be Ken, or the actual Ken. I have to stay on my toes, because if I pretend to be Ken and say shit like ‘my parents jet' they may get suspicious.

"Very well, we'll have it all ready to go. Buffy will be accompanying you?"

"Yes, of course, we can't get enough of each other." I laugh sarcastically. Ugh, I hate this shit.

"Excellent, I believe you'll be very happy with your accommodations."

Yeah thanks asshole, I paid for them out of Ken's money, I better get that shit reimbursed.

"Thanks, is there anything else I need to do before I leave?" Kinda goin' out of my mind with just sittin' on my ass here.

"No, you just relax and enjoy your night off."

"Wonderful."

"Goodbye, Kennedy."

"Bye."

I hang up and don't know what that's supposed to mean. If that's the person that's supposed to be spyin' on us, then why would he call me Kennedy? Wouldn't he have another name for me, because I'm supposed to be pretendin' to be someone, pretendin' to be Kennedy, right?

Shit, maybe that person is being watched, so they might have to keep up appearances, too.

This fuckin' shit is gettin' too complicated.

I need to clear my head. I need to get out and walk.

I need to slay.

When I get outside I sling Ken's slayin' bag over my back, it has a few stakes and other stuff that comes in handy while slayin' in it. I decide to head towards the FDR drive, I want to be near the water. That song from White Chicks pops in my head.

Making my way downtown
Walking fast
Faces pass
And I'm home bound

Buffy loves that song; she used to play it all the freakin' time. I would upset her by doin' the routine from the movie. The one where the Wayans brothers are supposed to know the song but they really don't so they fuck up the lyrics. She'd be doin' stuff around the house and jammin' to it, and I'd break her groove by bein' a bitch and makin' fun.

But ya know what? I'd fuckin' sing the song from the top of the Queensboro Bridge AND walk a thousand miles if I could really see her tonight. Just her and me and no glamour. Or clothes. I really need her.

My stomach growls when I see a Subway restaurant, so I stop in for a foot long sub. Sweet, they have a sale goin' on, 12 inch sub for 5 dollars, it's a broke slayer's dream. ‘Cept I'm not broke no more, I just need a meatball sub. Even if it's not as good as the one from my favorite place, fuck it! It's food and it has tomato sauce and melted cheese. What's not too love? I decide to get an Italian meats one, too. I don't got shit to do, I'm bored and I don't remember eatin' recently. I get a bag of Doritos, man they've got a million different flavors now, I also get a couple cookies and a soda, too. I realized I'm really fuckin' starvin'. I pay, thank the clerk for making my sandwiches with a ‘thanks man' and look around, they've got tables in here but I'm too restless to sit inside, I decide to take them to go so I put all the stuff into "my" backpack.

I'll sit down by the water and eat. It's a pretty nice evenin', not too cold or nothin', ‘sides I got this kick ass leather jacket of Ken's to keep me warm if it does. Sun's goin' down later so the vamps won't be out for another hour or so and things don't really get swingin' until 11 anyway.

That'll give me some time to collect my thoughts. Fun. It'll be like collectin' moldy pennies, ‘cause my thoughts usually run to shit I don't want to know about anymore.

It's not a bad area around here, they've got some good stores, Diesel's here, Levi's and Ann Taylor, that last one's more of a Buffy store, she likes to buy tasteful stuff, so that her meatheaded fiancée can rip it off her. Heh. Oh, I guess I'm not her fiancée anymore, but we're not really legal, so I guess I am.

See where thinkin' gets me? A bunch of shit goin' through my brain.

Staring blankly ahead
Just making my way
Making my way
Through the crowd

That's it Vanessa Carlton, you sing those thoughts right outta my head.

I sing a few bars and remember that Ken's got a good voice. So I belt out some more:

And I still need you
And I still miss you
And now I wonder....

If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass us by
'Cause you know I'd walk
A thousand miles
If I could
Just see you...

Some girls walkin' ahead of me turn around to see who's singin'.

"You should record, your voice is awesome!" One says while walkin' backwards, she's a pretty, petite blonde with curly hair and glasses. Her friends are all agreein'.

"Thanks, maybe you'll see my name in print one day."

"Yeah? What is it? I can tell my family and friends I knew ya when."

I shake my head, "Nah, just kidding, I got a better job, I don't need to be a superstar."

"You're crazy, you'd probably make a lot of money."

I shrug, "Money isn't everything."

The girls laugh and I can hear them sayin' I'm nuts and all. They turn down the next street and go into a store.

I'm still, makin' my way, makin' my way downtown. Heh, I still love to make fun of that song.

As I get closer to the FDR drive, I spot a place that looks like a night club. Oh shit, that's Scores, a ‘gentleman's nightclub'. I can see some people millin' about outside, one girl that looks like she could be a dancer for the place looks up and notices me.

"Ken!"

Huh?

I look behind me.

"Yeah, you! Where've you been?!" She looks out for traffic and crosses the street, comin' to confront me.

Fuckin' Ken, she better not have cheated on Willow with one of the Scores whores. Shit, I'm bein' kinda harsh, they gotta make money somehow. I guess if dancin' and strippin's what they do best, then who am I to judge?

"I've been around."

"Yeah, but not here, you know how this place can get!" She lowers her voice and looks around before she leans in and says, "Mandy was killed last week, by one of those assholes with the bumpy foreheads." She's tearin' up. "Where were you? You usually come around at least three times a week, you haven't been around in forever!"

"I'm sorry, I've been away, but I'll make sure no one's messing with you guys or anyone else around you again."

"That's bullshit, Ken and you know it! Christy said she was with you last week."

Fuck, this ‘Ken' is sleepin' with the girls, but stopped protectin' ‘em.

"Is she the blonde?" I have a feelin' so I went with it.

"Oh my god! You've been bangin' her for six months and you don't remember that she's blonde?! You're a fuckin' piece of work!"

Uh oh.

"Uhhhhh"

"Yeah, good comeback, genius." She narrows her eyes at me "Shit, I used to think you were different, you helped us out and went about your business. Who knew in a few months you'd turn into a total fuckin' creep?"

"Look, I'm sorry, I've got a lot on my mind."

"Yeah, and on your tongue, too. Don't think Christy don't know about your new bitch."

"What new bitch?" If she fuckin' means Buffy I might have to smack her. But, damn! I can't blow my cover.

"The new little blonde bitch that she's seen goin' into your place. News travels fast around here."

"Shit yeah it does. What's Chrissy doin' spyin' on me?!"

"Chrissy?! Are you for fuckin' real? You really are some kinda asshole aren't you?!"

Sums it up. But how much of an asshole I am is the question.

"Why don't you tell me what kinda asshole I am?"

"You fuckin' propose to a girl and then just stop callin' and comin' around, then when you show up again you're with another bitch." She better stop talkin' about Buffy like that. "If I didn't know how strong you were I'd fuckin' slap you!"

And ‘propose'?! What the fuck is this asshole doin'?!

"I uhhhh,"

"Yeah, more genius just spillin' out of your lyin' fuckin' mouth isn't it?! Look, just fuckin' make sure we don't get hurt no more, I'll tell Christy not to count on you comin' around. She's a retard anyway for believin' a chick that has money would marry her. But you shouldn't have lied to her kid and for that I hope you rot in hell."

God, this just fuckin' keeps gettin' better.

"Well, I uhhh,"

"Just shut the fuck up! Are you gonna make it safe around here again or what?"

"Yeah,"

"I'll believe it when I see it." She starts to turn away then turns back and looks me in the eye. "You better not be lyin', I know people." She gets a softer look on her face. "Shit Ken, I can't believe you got mixed up in the relationship drama, you used to be so different. Always talkin' about some redheaded chick you were livin' with. Forgot her name, sounded like a tree." She looks around and then looks at me like she's flirtin'. "If I knew you were gonna go for one of us I'd have gone for you myself, I got less baggage. We could've had fun together me an' you. No strings, right? Oh well, just make sure no one else dies, ok?"

"Ok," I say sincerely.

She leans in and gives me a kiss. Damn, she's a good kisser. I gently push her away.

"Savin' yourself for your little blonde bitch, huh?" She slaps me and then goes back across the street.

Yeah, I really fuckin' needed that.

I decide to keep walkin' down to the water, I'll eat and then come back to scope out the scene around the club for vamps. Fuckin' assholes, but I guess it makes sense they'd be preyin' on the chicks who are really good lookin', get a lap dance and then a free meal. Bastards.

After a few more minutes of fast walkin' I finally get down to the water. It really is a nice night. I get out my sandwich and start chowin' down. Don't need nothin' interruptin' me and my dinner. I'd really like to take my time, but those vamps around the club must be gettin' confident and I wanna stop that shit really quick.

Gonna have to clue Giles into what's goin' on around here so that he can get some teams patrollin' there. Guess there wasn't a problem before ‘cause the real Ken was takin' care of it. She'd have known about it because it's near her family's place. We usually have patrol assignments all over the city, but we make sure the area around where we or our families live is taken care of. It's been workin' out well for us. Until now, I guess.

I've always loved sittin' down by the water. Clears my head like nothin' else. That's why when me and B plan on gettin' away, it usually involves somethin' near water. I don't know what I'd do if I lived in a land locked area, just seems like it'd be claustrophobic to me.

When I was little, every chance I got I used to go to the wharf or the cape with my aunt and uncles. Even my father's sister Katie, took me to the beach a couple of times. She was always pretty decent to me. My dad flipped out one time because she picked me up and took me to the Cape and he didn't fuckin' know about it first. He called my mom and bitched her out because he wasn't allowed to see me, but she let his sister take me. Like he fuckin' cared anyways.

Well that day, he had my mom so pissed off she said she'd pick me up, but didn't have a car. My Aunt Katie was pissed off because she wanted me to stay and spend some time, so she said she wasn't gonna take me back. I had been havin' a good time up until then, just playin' in the sand and body surfin', the waves were pretty good. But my fuckface father had to ruin it. My mom got one of her ‘boyfriends' to bring her to pick me up. She was so fuckin' wasted she practically was fallin' all over herself tryin' to get me up off the towel ‘cause I was bein' stubborn. She hauled off and slapped me and my Aunt was bitchin' her out. I noticed someone takin' pictures and it turned out that was someone my dad knew, he was just tryin' to get my mom in trouble. I don't know for sure, and I probably jumped to conclusions but I never went anywhere with my Aunt Katie again, I figured she set my ma up so my dad could get some leverage.

And then like everything he does, when he gets what he wants he fuckin' forgets about it, like it didn't really matter to him in the first place. I say now that I'll never understand that shit, but it was my way of life when I got out on my own.

I finally got what I wanted bein' in Sunnydale, had a chance to be good and make things work. Even though they weren't exactly what I wanted for myself, things were still pretty good. And then I had to go and fuck it all up just because I was feelin' a little left out. Almost got the woman of my dreams killed.

I stop eatin' in mid bite, ‘cause I feel like cryin'. I want to just pick up the phone and tell her to come down here and we'd just hold each other, but I know she's doin' important things to be able to find out what's goin' on with Ken. I know it's not as easy as just findin' out why someone wants to mess with us, it's usually got somethin' to do with the end of the world.

I finish eatin' and try to stop thinkin' about my past. That usually leads to badness that I can't bring myself back from, and since I'm gonna be alone tonight I might as well just stop and get down to business.

I get up and dust myself off, I find a trash can and throw all my garbage away.

Should throw myself in there.

A breeze picks up and the words from that girl from Scores come back to me about Will's name soundin' like a tree. That makes me think of what I did for Willow today and I stop myself from thinkin' I'm nothin'. I'm gettin' better ‘cause there was a time when I wouldn't have stopped to think of that. I would have just poured more bitterness on until I wanted to plunge myself into the river or off a buildin'. I'm kinda proud of myself for bein' able to recognize that.

Still need to get back into my own body, though.

It's hard feelin' better about yourself when you're wearin' someone else's face.

I get back up around the strip club and people are starting to file in pretty steadily, the sun is almost down, vamps could still come out in this because the buildin's shield the sun pretty good, but it just so happens that the buildin's are shorter down at this end, so they'll have to wait a few more minutes. Gives me time to check things out.

Up a ways on the corner of the street is building and the first thing I notice is that two of the windows are blacked out. Could be some goth kids, or someone who has migraines, but I'm thinkin' that's the vamps base of operations. Lucky for me there's a scaffold on the side of the buildin'. I climb up it and stand just beside the window, I can hear them talkin' about goin' to the club and gettin' a couple of girls. Time to get this party started.

I kick out the window and two vamps go scramblin' behind the couch, the one that looks like he might be the leader was standin' in the kitchen and he crouches down behind the cabinets. I say he looks like the leader because he's dressed really nice, could be a waiter for all I know, but he jumps up and vamps out right away and I have my answer.

"Put the coffee on boys, I'm here." I say with a wink and a smirk while takin' a stake out of my bag. I stand with my arms slightly out to my sides.

"And to what do we owe this honor?"

"To you about to be dust."

"And what makes you think you'll get a chance to do that?" He nods to his friends by the couch.

"About ten years of getting the chance to do that."

The next few minutes are fast and furious, but I feel like I'm in one of those movies that show the action all slow. That usually happens when I'm really confident and know I'm gonna come out on top, I can see ten moves ahead and nothin' or no one can touch me.

It's pretty sweet but I wish B was here so we could share the experience together, and then go home and take care of the hornies together. Heh. Yeah, it's hard to keep it in my pants sometimes.

After a while I look around and I'm alone in a dusty room. Ken's phone rings.

"Hello?"

"Hey baby, where are you?"

Good thing it's Buffy, if it was another girl I didn't know I'd be really pissed.

"Out, I was just taking a walk."

"Well, Willow just called me, she wanted to call you but she feels bad about what happened earlier, she'd like to apologize."

"Tell her that's ok, it was nothing, I mean we're breaking up, there's bound to be some bad stuff said to each other."

"That's true, Ken. But she'd really like to tell you in person, so if you get a chance you should go over there."

"That would be ok with you?"

"It would be perfectly ok, I know you love me now, just don't do anything that will get you in trouble with me."

"I wouldn't do that, Buffy. I told you, you can trust me.

"I know, Ken. Don't worry, I'm ok with it."

"Thanks, I think I'll go over there now. Should I call you when I'm done?"

"No, that's ok, you're probably gonna be there for a while. I'm going to bed soon myself, I'll call you tomorrow and make sure you're up, we need to be at the airport early, don't we?"

"It's a private jet, they wait on us, but it would be good to leave early, maybe around 11?"

"Sounds great. Is the car gonna pick me up?"

"Of course, I can have it stop here and pick me up, too."

"Mmmm that sounds nice, spending more time together is always good."

"Good, I'll see ya tomorrow then. Have a good night's sleep."

"Without you here? Not a chance, but I'll try. You be good."

"I always am." Ugh, still hate this shit. I have to sound all cutesy and flirty, and even though this is my woman it's still someone else's voice.

"Goodnight, Ken."

"Night, Buffy."

We hang up and I look around. I guess Will really needs to see me. Good, at least I won't be alone.

Still sucks that I can't see Buffy, though.

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