I'm crawlin' up the bed to get to Buffy, the sheets are all white, everything's white. Did she buy new sheets and didn't tell me? This stuff is off the chain though, ‘cause it feels like the softest cotton or silk or somethin'.

I get to the top of the bed and I'm met with a smilin' and laughin' Buffy. She's so beautiful. I just wanna pull this comforter and sheets back and have my nasty way with her.

Why's she cryin' now? She got a case of the ‘crazy hormones' like I got lately?

Damn, these sheets are so freakin' soft!

But hang on, why are they wet? I put my hand up and it's covered in blood.

I look down and oh fuck, there's blood all over the bottom half of the bed. Andrew's in a corner of the room cryin'.

Andrew?

Shit, I must be dreamin'. I should just let sleep take me like it's tryin' to. I've always thought it was weird that sometimes in your dream you dream about bein' tired or bein' asleep. How's that work? Shouldn't that have all resolved itself by you bein' asleep?

I oughta get one of those ‘what dreams mean' books. Would hafta be a slayer version, ‘cause slayers get some pretty fucked up dreams.

Like this one here. I hate blood dreams.

‘Cause it's usually mine.

Damn, my head is poundin'. Shit, what did I do last night? The last thing I remember is bein' at Xand's place.

Oh, fuck!!! Don't tell me I got fuckin' drunk at Xander's again?!

Buffy is so gonna fuckin' kill me!!!

Like G-man says, ‘Let's take stock, shall we?'

My mouth tastes like metal, (probably from bile, musta yarked), my head feels like shit, and when I go to open my eyes I want someone to stab me in them with a pen, it's too fuckin' bright!!!

It looks like the walls of our bedroom are white. When did Buffy paint? I thought she was all in love with the ‘Falling Leaves' color she picked out. She said it was so warm and inviting while at the same time bright and cheery. Whatever dude, I just think it goes good with the bedspread and junk.

Come to think of it, this bed is not my bed. I can't really see anything but I can feel that the sheets are too stiff.

Where the fuck am I?

The bed is propped up at an angle, our bed don't do that. Unless, we broke it in half while fuckin' and one part is stickin' up.

I wouldn't put it passed us.

I can hear hummin', like from a machine.

Why can't I open my eyes?

"Hey baby, I brought a book with me. The girl I told you about yesterday loves to read, so she's letting me borrow this."

Buffy?

I try to wake up so I can talk to her. Nothin'. Can't even sit up or bring my hand to my face.

"Oh, and Will bought me a copy of Wicked. She was gonna get me the hard cover one but I think this paperback is cooler. The edges of the pages are all green. See?"

Her voice broke on the ‘see'.

That false cheerful tone can't fool me. Somethin's majorly wrong.

I add up all the shit that I thought was different about ‘wakin' up' today and it hits me like a fuckin' truck.

God fuckin' damnit!!!!!!!!

I'm in another coma, I just fuckin' know it!!

How though? I try to think real hard. Ow, that hurts my head.

"You're frowny faced again, sweetheart. The doctor said that would happen from time to time, because you can still feel...pain." She loses it when she says pain and I can hear her sobbin'.

If I find out who the fuckface is that put me in this coma, I'm gonna fuckin' end ‘em!!!

As soon as I get out of this coma, of course.

How much shit can one couple go through? Better not ask Xander that, or Red, fuck, Dawnie's been through a lot of shit, too.

Man, we're just a bunch of bad lucked bastards.

She sniffs and blows her nose.

Her voice is all scratchy, like she's got a cold or somethin'.

"Andrew says he's gonna come by and do your nails, they need some work. He really wanted to do your hair, but I know how particular you are about your hair, and if you ever woke up bald he'd be toast, so I said he could do your nails as a consolation. But can I tell you something, baby? Heh, you'll probably think I'm weird. But I can't stand anyone else touching you. Not even the doctors. When we brought you in here, I carried you all the way. Xander called me and said I needed to meet you guys at the hospital. The orderlies, heh that's a funny word, orderly. Do they even have those anymore? Or are they just nurses or no! Medical assistants, I guess. Anyway, the guys who help you to your bed, they tried to take you off of me, and I almost broke their legs. Thank God for Giles. He kept the peace, and they let me carry you to the gurney. Then they took you away from me, and brought back this."

She loses it again.

"I guess I should be thankful. Most people don't survive losing that much blood. Who do I thank? God? The doctors? Kennedy?" She laughs bitterly.

Fuckin' Kennedy. I knew I should have strangled her when I had the chance, so much for bein' an adult and not murdering her on the street.

I remember now that she had a gun at Xander's. When was that? Last night?

Fuck! I really wish I could talk. I wonder if they saved that device thingy from Scotland that could read thoughts. I think I might have brought it back with us, but dunno where it would be. Probably in the hall closet.

"I guess I should be thanking Andrew, he had the presence of mind to put pressure on your artery. He didn't let up either, they practically had to pry him off you and his arms and hands were all locked up from keeping the pressure on for that long. So I guess I do owe him a bunch of thanks."

She goes quiet for a little bit.

"I'm sorry for dumping this all on you, sweety. I'll try to be more cheery. It's just, the doctor said... Well she said that each time you go into a coma, it's because some part of your brain is being injured. That could mean something bad that I don't want to think about. I want my sweet Faith back. The one who makes fun of how many purses I have and how I make an ick face when I fart and blame it on you. I want my baby who said she loved me and wouldn't leave me. You wouldn't leave me would you, Faith? I know you wouldn't what am I saying?!"

She chuckles, but it's not a confident chuckle.

Shit, this fuckin' sucks. Not bein' able to comfort her but I hear everything she's goin' through and it's killin' me.

"We never got to go skating in Rockerfeller Center. Remember that time we went and the line was too long? I was kinda disappointed but I never told you that. I mean, shit, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be telling you that, I should be telling you positive things. Like, Francie's doing really well at the school."

Fuck, that means I've been in this coma for more than a day, fuck, it means I've been here for more than a month!

"She's so happy all the time, and...she reminds me so much of you, of how...you used to be...I can't be around her sometimes, and I know that's bitchy and selfish of me, but how can I look at her, when I can't see my baby that way? All smiling and happy, well, come to think of it, she's not all that happy because you're here. She comes down here at night a lot, and just sits with you. She feels like she did something wrong. Like it was her fault somehow..."

B starts cryin' again, well, sobbin' I should say, she's been pretty much cryin' this whole time. I want to joke with her about needin' to work on her ‘cheery' a little more. But I still can't say shit.

"It was no one's fault. Believe me, I tried to lay blame everywhere. With Xander, for calling you to go to his apartment. With myself for letting you go over there that night, and for being the person that Kennedy is obsessed with. And of course, Kennedy. She's lucky the cops got to her first, because I was not going to let her live. I know, that's harsh and all, but she planned that whole thing out. She wanted to get you there so she could kill you in Xander's apartment. She found out about him kissing Willow and then she went nuts over you having me," She stops a moment. "I didn't even know about that thing with Willow and Xander. Did you?"

Uhhhh, no? Good thing I'm in this coma. Coma's aren't so bad after all.

"Listen to me, of course you didn't." Whew, got outta that one. "Did you? You so did, didn't you?! Oh you are so gonna get it when you get out of here. I'm not kidding either!"

Fuck, not even conscious, well, awake and still she finds out that I kept shit from her. I can't win.

Fuck it, it's the redhead witch's fault.

"Believe me, I blamed her, too."

‘Who?'

"Willow...wait, WAIT!!! FAITH?!?!?!"

‘Jesus Christ, B. I'm in a coma, not deaf.'

"FAITH!!!!"

‘Are you deaf?'

"I'm sorry, what the hell is going on?!"

‘Buffy, for the last time, please, just whisper, my fuckin' head is killin' me.'

"So, you can hear me?"

‘Yeah, you're hearin' me in your head aren't you?'

"Yep, although that could point to the fact that I've been going totally fucking nuts for the past two months."

‘Shit, don't tell me. Two months?!'

She gets on the bed. "Do you mind if I sit here with you?"

‘Don't mind if you lay here with me. Would the doc mind?'

"Well, I hope not, ‘cause I do it every night. They tried making me go home and I told them they could shove their clipboards up their asses ‘cause I was staying and they'd better get used to it."

‘You like the whole people shovin' things up their asses don't you?'

"It's a thing."

‘Damn, B. I'm sorry.'

"For what?"

‘For not goin' with my instinct. I had a bad feelin' about that whole thing at Xander's when I saw what state his apartment was in. But then I wanted to play the hero and help Ken out.'

"She's beyond help right now. The cops couldn't keep her because she was too strong for them, Will arranged for her to be transferred to a ‘mental facility' it's one of ours, she's on a pretty strict lock down, it's all mystical."

‘Heh. You sound pissed. You can't get to her can you?'

"No, and she's lucky."

‘B, I ain't worth all that, not you getting' in trouble.'

"Don't tell me how much you're worth, Faith!" Ow, head. "You're worth a lot to me, more than you'll ever know, except I kinda just told you, so yeah, you're worth a lot to me. You're worth my future, my children, our children, Faith. Kennedy almost took all that away."

‘She's not takin' nothin' away, B. I'm right here. Maybe mute right now, and kinda blind. But at least we know my brain is workin' just fine. Now we gotta find out how to get the rest of me back.'

"You're right. Oh, god. I hope this isn't another dream. I have these dreams a lot where you and I are on a beach, or we're in a tent by the lake."

‘Are we naked?'

"Faith!"

‘What?'

"You're such a perv, even in a coma, and yes, we are naked in my dreams. Some say, dreams are wishes, I want you to be naked all the time, there, ya happy?"

‘Not until I can pinch yer ass for bein' so cheeky.'

She laughs. It's a sincere and confident laugh this time. Sounds fuckin' relieved too.

‘Call the Scoobs in, B. Tell them you can communicate with me. Let's get some answers.'

"Was she awake and talking?" Xander asks.

"No, we're communicating telepathically."

"Well how do we know if it's not another one of your dreams? Don't look at me like that."

"Yes, Buffy. Perhaps we should think of a way to communicate with Faith through you, so that we can tell if it's actually her subconscious we're speaking with."

"Ok, so what, you say something and then I ask her if she...no that wouldn't work."

‘B, how about they whisper something to you... no that wouldn't work either...'

"I hear her!" Red says.

‘Thank Christ, because we would never have fuckin' figured it out.'

Buffy and Willow laugh, relieved.

"Hey, Faith. We're glad you're with us. I'm so sorry."

‘Will, no. None of that. We're gonna get me back and then we're gonna get over this.'

"You're right." She comes over and bends down to kiss me. "I'm so glad you're back!!"

‘Not completely back yet, Red. Until I can use my arms to hold Buffy, I'm not back at all.'

"Awww, so cute."

I laugh in my head.

"Facinating. It appears that only women are able to hear her, so to speak."

"Uh, Mr. Giles?"

"Yes, Andrew. What is is?"

"I hear her, too."

‘I rest my fuckin' case.'

"Hey! No fair picking on me, I saved you, Faith."

‘And I owe you a huge one, Andy. Believe me I'm not gonna forget that.'

"It was nothing." He says all shy and smiley sounding.

"I say, can your thoughts be projected to her?" Giles asks.

"No, not at all." Buffy says.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, ‘cause she would have groaned if she saw what I was thinking."

I fuckin' lose it laughin', in my head. I can only imagine what she's thinkin'.

"I think Buffy's projecting her thoughts to me, ‘cause I just got a really good visual." Xander says with a smirk in his voice.

"Yeah, Xand, but I bet Buffy's doesn't have you in it." Willow says and swats him.

"Point, good one."

Too funny. Here I am in a coma and we're all crackin' on each other.

‘So, B. Can the docs tell if I'll wake up?'

"Oh, my word! I heard that, Faith. You asked Buffy if the doctors can gauge precisely when you'll be awakening from your stasis."

‘Pretty sure I didn't use all them fancy words, G. But uhhh it's great to be able to ‘communicate' in communicado, or some other such shit like that, with ya.'

He laughs.

‘Oh and G.'

"Yes?"

‘You hearin' me means you're officially a nancy-boy Sharon.' I love usin' British put downs on him.

"Well, if that's what it takes to able to talk with you again, then so be it. I'm glad you're on your way back to us." He grabs my hand and squeezes. I feel a kiss.

‘Damn, Giles. Not in front of Buffy, you and I had an agreement. I just winked at you by the way.'

Ow, Buffy just pinched me.

"And I just pinched you."

‘Yeah, felt that, thanks.'

"Am I the only one that doesn't hear Faith? I am aren't I?" Xands says.

"Oh, don't pout Xander, we'll buy you a lollipop."

"Oh, goody, Will! Preferrably one that hasn't been in the dog's mouth this time."

Suddenly I get a thought. I'm quiet and their banter fades to the background.

I need answers, so I ask everyone to leave the room. I'd like to talk to Red alone.

B kisses me about a hundred times and says she'll just be out the door, so I should mentally yell really loud if I need her. She's a nutball. But she's mine so that's ok with me.

"What's up, Faith? Anything you needed? Can I getcha one of those star shaped sponge things to wet your lips with? Those look fun."

‘Will,'

"Yes?"

‘Stop, I'm not gonna accuse you of anything.'

"But...but..."

‘But nothin' Will. Did you give Ken the gun and tell her to come shoot me?'

"NO!"

‘Well, then, get off the fuckin' guilt train.'

She sits down on the bed.

"I'm really..."

‘Yeah, yeah, I know, sorry. So listen up, I have a question for you, and I want an answer.'

"Ok."

‘Did you tape American Idol for me?!'

"Faith!! Not funny!"

‘Heh, I thought it was pretty funny. Shit, I've missed so much Will. You gotta help do somethin' to get me back. Bring me back, Clarence! Bring me back!'

"Hey! I love ‘It's a Wonderful Life'! Everytime a bell rings..."

‘Faith goes into a coma.' I joke and she swats my arm. ‘We're gonna have to do some research on this shit, Will. Shut down the part of my brain that checks out when the wind blows. Or some shit like that.'

"No one would have survived what you did, Faith. Do you remember that football player that died last year? He was shot in almost the exact same place."

Yeah, I fuckin' remember, I was depressed for a few weeks. Football is my passion, and even though he wasn't on my team, he was an awesome player and the loss still hurt.

‘Damn, I am lucky then.'

"You are."

‘So, you and Xander a couple now? I heard you talkin' about a dog.'

"No, oh, that? No! He and Andrew moved in with me. They couldn't stay at the apartment with all the bad memories."

‘Yeah, those and the fact that Kennedy blew the place up with her fists.'

"Wow, I still can't believe she went off the deep end like that."

Will goes quiet and I know she's thinkin' and feelin' bad. Like if only she didn't let Kennedy leave that night, and then checked to make sure she wasn't on a bender the whole fuckin' weekend. There must be somethin' else there though.

‘I heard her scream ‘You want my girl? You can't have her' or somethin' like that. Was she talkin' about me or Xander?'

"Probably all three of you."

‘All three of us?'

"You remember Kelly, the waitress from the café you and Ken went to when you told her you and Buffy wouldn't be coming around her anymore?"

‘Yeah, what of it?'

"Well, Ken brought that Panini home for me, which was excellent by the way, thanks."

‘Welcome.'

"Yeah, well Kelly left her number on the slip inside. Ken said she must have left it for you. But I didn't believe her so I called it and Kelly gave me the truth. She said she saw you and thought you might be nice to get to know but she was too shy to say anything, so she left her number. I told her you were engaged and then she and I started talking and she moved in that night Ken moved out." Red finishes in a rush.

‘Oh, shit. That's who was with you when I called from Boston.'

"Yes, I told you I was going to tell you the story when you got back."

‘Wait, did you say moved in?! That all happened so fast, Red! You just let her move in like that?!'

"Well, her lease was up on her apartment, and we didn't move in, move in. She has her own room."

‘So you're not fuckin'?'

"I didn't say that, I just said she has her own room."

‘Convenient. You can go with the whole ‘we're just roommate' bullshit.'

Will laughs.

‘So, she a good person? I mean she was pretty darn cute, but she could be a nutcase.'

"No, she's not a nutcase. She's great."

‘She know you're a witch?'

"Only when I withhold sex."

‘No, that's called a bitch. And by the way, it spells death for any relationship.'

"Don't I know it, Ken held out on me for months. I really thought she was gonna change, you know?"

‘They can't all be Faith, baby.'

"No, not unless I work out that cloning spell."

I laugh and she sighs.

‘Ok, I'm gonna need a nap. Fuckin' weird to say that when I can't even open my eyes. Can you tell Buffy to come back in?'

"Sure, Faith. Thanks."

‘You're welcome.'

I don't know what she's thankin' me for, but I'm almost outta juice and I need to talk to B before I pass out.

Buffy comes back in and kisses me another hundred times or so.

‘Hey, babe. Wanna lay with me and nap a bit?'

"Do I?!" She slides under the covers.

‘My family been down to see me like this?'

"Yes, they all stayed in our apartment for the first week or so, your Aunt just left to get back to Boston a week ago, she'll be back in another week. Your grandmother is staying with Will for the time being, we have a nurse for her just in case she needs help, she's doing well though. She comes in every afternoon and sings to you in Italian."

‘Shit, that's why I kept dreamin' I was in a commercial for spaghetti." B laughs. "How about the girls?'

"They come on the weekends with Jimmy and John. Joey's been here with Leah a few times, he tries to get you to play, it's cute, but so heartbreaking. I have to leave the room sometimes."

‘Damn, baby. I'm so sorry. I know if this were you in the coma I would have gone fuckin' nuts. You're so brave.'

"Only because I want to keep positive for you. Otherwise I'd have cracked a long time ago. Plus, I know a coma can't keep you down long." She chuckles heartbreakingly.

‘Heh, yeah. Fuckin' comas.' I mentally sigh.

We go quiet for a bit.

‘So am I all gross and junk?'

"No, I've been keeping you well groomed. You get a sponge bath twice a day, and I wash your hair every other day. The doctor says anymore and it will dry out your skin and scalp."

‘Cool. So, you wear a nurses outfit durin' this sponge bath or what?'

"Maybe." She says all sly and embarrassed. Fuckin' minx.

‘Liar, you're just tryin' to get me worked up.'

"Oh, you are so in for it when you get out of this coma, you better be ready for me."

‘I'll get Will to look into a stamina spell, just for you.'

I quiet down because I'm almost out of it.

"I got you back, Faith. Now, I'm gonna get you back to me, for real. I love you."

‘Never ever gonna leave you, B. Told you that already.'

"I'll make sure you keep that promise."

‘Hey, B. What month is it?'

"April."

‘S'it the First?"

"2nd,"

‘Some fuckin' April Fool's joke I pulled on you, huh?'

"It's been pulled on us, but we'll make it right. Now get some sleep, baby."

‘Kay'

She kisses my lips and I drift out.

Shit, if that was a dream, kill me now and send me to heaven, I don't wanna wake up in hell.

When I do wake up I've got a mess of blonde hair in front of my face, which is good because it's filterin' out the harsh light.

"Hey, B?" I rasp out.

She lifts off me with a start and looks down. "Did you just talk?!"

"Somethin' like that." I chuckle dryly. Man my throat is fucked. "Do ya think they could cut the lights?"

"They are cut, there's just this one right here next to the bed. I'll shut it. I use it to read to you."

I nod. My throat really is a bit fucked up right now. Weird, because the last time I woke from a coma it was after 8 months and my throat was a little raspy, but nothin' unusual.

"I'll go get the doctor." She starts to get up but I stop her and pull her back down.

I breathe in her scent. I really don't wanna ask her what day it is now. If I've been fuckin' sleepin' for another couple of months or a year or somethin', I'm gonna be pissed.

"What's today?"

"Still the 2nd." She snuggles into me a little further.

I smile.

She's cryin' into my chest. Normally, I would tell her not to, but I know she needs it. I'd do the same thing if I wasn't so fuckin' happy I was back. I'll probably break down after I hear all she went through.

"We," I clear my throat. "We should always go away somewhere on the first and take the rest of the week off. Just you and me. To that tent by the lake, or that beach you were dreamin' of."

She nods her head and cries a little harder.

Finally, my heart can't take anymore and I whisper for her to stop. I kiss the top of her head and tell her how much I love her.

I'm here now, and we're gonna be ok.

Never gonna be April fooled like this again.

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