"What do we do now? How do we fix this?" Xander's voice was hushed, but the question seemed to echo around Buffy's kitchen, hanging in the air between him and Giles. The Watcher was on the verge of replying when the door opened and Anya walked in, shutting it behind her.
"How are they?" Giles asked.
"Dawn won't stop crying. Tara's sitting on her bed holding her. Buffy's still sitting on the couch, not talking. It's not like she's catatonic, she just won't say anything. Willow's still trying, but I don't think she wants to talk to any of us right now."
"What the hell happened tonight?" Xander's voice left no doubt of his incomprehension. "Buffy and Faith making with the smoochies? What's that about?"
"Okay, Xander, here's how it works," Anya said as, though talking to a child. "When two people care about each other very much-"
"An! You know what I mean. When did Buffy jump on the gay-train? Shouldn't there have been signals, or a memo or something?"
Giles shrugged. "There weren't any with Willow, if you recall."
"Okay, good point, but Faith? Of all the girls in Sunnydale she chooses Faith?"
"Yes, I've been pondering that myself and, to be honest, I can't think of a more likely candidate, except perhaps Willow." Giles saw the look of amazement forming on Xander's face and pre-empted the question. "Xander, for all their history together, Buffy and Faith share something unique just by being Slayers."
"There's some kind of mystic bond between them?" Anya asked.
"I don't think we need to bring in the supernatural to explain it. The simple reality of what being a Slayer means is something that we can never fully understand."
"Why not?"
"Because we can leave," Giles replied, as though it were the simplest thing in the world. "Any one of us can walk away from this life, the dangers we face, at any time. You have skills that could find you work in any town in the country. Willow could transfer to practically any university in the English-speaking world. I could ask to be reassigned without even leaving the Council."
"You think we'd do that?" Xander was hurt and a little angry.
"No, I don't, you've all proved your dedication and loyalty many times over. My point is that we have a choice. Buffy and Faith will never have that luxury; Buffy learned that very painfully when she ran away after sending Angel to hell. The Slayer is drawn to the darkness in the world, and it to her. Neither of them will ever be free of it. They may react to it in different ways, but they both carry the same burden."
"So it's a comfort thing? Buffy wants Faith because Faith knows how she feels?" Anya asked.
"No, it's more than that," Xander replied, his eyes losing focus as his mind worked, making connections he'd never made before. "You saw them tonight, this whole Slayer bond thing's just part of it."
"I have to agree," Giles said. "There's a genuine depth of feeling on both sides, that much is obvious now. Their shared understand is just a foundation for that, not the whole. I wish it were That would make helping Buffy through this loss a great deal easier."
"She hasn't lost anything yet." Xander said, grabbing his jacket and heading for the back door.
Anya grabbed his arm. "Where are you going?"
"Find Faith, stop her from leaving."
"You don't even know where to look!"
"I've got an idea."
"For God's sake be careful out there!" Giles called after him, and then he and Anya were left alone. For a short while they just looked at each other, unsure what to do next, before they heard footsteps on the stairs.
They found Tara standing at the living room door, talking to Willow. "Dawn's asleep. I put a blanket over her - I thought I should leave her in peace."
Hearing Tara's voice seemed to bring Buffy back to herself. "Thank you, Tara, all of you. I'm sorry I've been such a mess tonight, I'll be okay now. You don't have to stay."
"It's okay, Buffy. We're here for you."
"Will, please, I'd really like to be alone right now, okay?" Buffy looked at each of her friends in turn, trying to seem strong again. "I'll be fine, really."
Willow looked at Tara, hoping she would have some idea of what to do, but Tara was as helpless as she was. She felt Giles' hand on her shoulder; the look on his face told her the truth she'd refused to accept from herself. There's nothing more we can do here. Arguing with her won't help.
She hugged her friend, whispering "Call me if you need anything, okay?" into her ear. Buffy didn't return the hug, and her nod in reply was perfunctory at best. The others mumbled goodbyes and headed for the door. Buffy's last words did nothing to inspire hope.
"Turn the lights out, please."
Colours swirled in the liquid, orange, amber, brown, flecks of light glinting on the surface. Faith raised the glass and the scent of cheap whiskey enveloped her, overwhelming the odour of sweat, smoke and stale beer that permeated the bar.
This is where I belong. This is my world, and that's never going to change. I'm such a moron, thinking I could ever be a part of hers. Her world's clean and bright and shining, and people like me aren't even allowed to look in the window in case we smudge the glass. If I let her let me in, I'd taint everything I touched, bring it all down, bring her down, down here with the dirt and the stink and the sleazy guys checking me out. They're the ones I belong with; the ones who get you drunk then take you outside and fuck you up against a wall. Time was, that's all I wanted. Should've kept it that way. Simple.
Maybe if I try it again it'll all come back to me.
Maybe it'll take the pain away for a while.
She set the glass down hard, some of the untouched whiskey slopping over the side onto the stained, pitted wood of the bar.
That won't stop it coming back.
She sensed someone moving in behind her and waited for whatever crude pick-up line was coming.
"Faith."
The voice was about the last she expected, or wanted, to hear. "How'd you find me?"
"Wasn't hard. I figured you'd head for the rankest dive you could find."
"Get lost, Xander, I don't want to hear it."
"And look how much I don't care."
A hand dropped onto Xander's shoulder. He looked around and was confronted with a flabby, pockmarked face, the mouth split by a sneer that revealed three kinds of teeth: rotten, broken and missing. "The lady wants you to leave her alone. Beat it or get beaten."
"The 'lady' could put both of us in the ground without breaking a sweat," Xander replied, looking with obvious disgust at the grimy paw on his shoulder. "You going to move that or wait 'til it crawls off on its own?"
The would-be 'rescuer' snarled and brought his other hand up for a punch, but Xander ducked to one side and planted a short jab onto a crooked nose covered with burst veins. The thug staggered back, blood trickling down his face. He pulled a switchblade from his pocket, but never got a chance to use it. Faith's boot struck him in the stomach, knocking him over backwards. His head struck the edge of the pool table and he slumped to the floor.
Faith looked around the bar, at the circle of suddenly hostile faces. "Great, just great." She stormed out, with Xander right on her heels. She rounded on him as soon as they were on the street. "What the hell are you doing?"
"Do you have any idea the mess Buffy's in right now?"
"Yeah, I know. Tonight's top story: Faith screwed up again."
"So what are you going to do about it?"
"The only thing I can do. Go home, get on the bike and get out of your lives for good."
"Run away again, you mean."
"Is your brain loose or something? I'm the problem, you're the solution. I get out of town, then you, Red and Giles get Buffy back on her feet. That's how it works. You're pretty good at it, remember?" She walked away, only to be brought to a halt by what Xander said next.
"We're not in high school any more, Faith!"
She stopped for a second, pulling her old attitude around her like a cloak before she turned. "Yeah, sorry, I keep forgetting, seeing as how I missed graduation."
"Not going to work, Faith. Points for effort, though." Xander tried to put more reason and less aggression into his voice. "Maybe you haven't noticed, but things have changed a bit since those days. We don't get to hang out in the cafeteria then go to the library after school and bug Giles, or sit around all day watching Indian soap operas. You didn't see what happened to us the year after school finished. We all drifted apart; Buffy and Willow were in college, Buffy had Riley and the Initiative, Will had witchcraft and Tara. Meanwhile, I was stuck in my parents' basement, and Giles was going around in circles in his apartment. We let it happen, and it nearly killed us all."
"Yeah, but you fixed it, right?"
"Pretty much, but we're not in the same place we used to be. We can't be, we've all got jobs or college or kid sisters to look after. We help, we hang, but we can't be there for Buffy same way we used to be. She needs someone who lives her life, Faith. She needs you."
"No, she-"
"I know what I saw tonight, Faith. When she was kissing you, it was like she was free, like this weight had been taken off her and she could just be Buffy again. I haven't seen her like that in so long I almost didn't recognise it. If you really care for her, you won't take that away from her."
"It can't, it won't work. You and Red, you don't want me here."
"I'm the one asking you to do this, Faith. I'll talk to Willow, I'll bring her round. It might take a while, but she wants Buffy to be happy. You make that happen and she'll be okay." He took a step toward her and placed his hand on her arm. "This is your chance, Faith. Time to decide if you're going to run from yourself all your life, or are you going to be a better person. It's your choice."
He walked away.
The Summers' house had always seemed painfully beautiful to Faith, a place of happiness and love that she could touch but never hold on to. Now, as she stood on the driveway looking up at the house, it was suddenly terrifying.
Her bike stood beside her, its polished blue shell gleaming in the streetlights. She reached out, fingertips brushing the fuel tank. I could just go. Climb in the window, grab a bag and some clothes. I could be two hundred miles away by dawn. I'd never have to see that pain in her eyes again.
Except I'd see it every time I closed my eyes, and I'd never know if I could have taken it away. But what do I say to her? How do I do this?
She let herself in and stood in the darkened hallway, listening to the silence and trying to figure out what to do.
"You're back."
Faith jumped as Buffy's toneless voice sounded in the living room. From the doorway, she could see Buffy sitting on the couch exactly where the others had left her, silhouetted against the window. "God, Buffy, you scared the crap out of me! What're you doing siting in the dark?"
"Do you care?"
"Of course I-" Faith cut herself off, refusing to take the bait. "Look, Buffy, can we talk?"
"Just go, Faith. Forget Lucas, forget me, forget everything. Just go."
"Do you want me to leave?"
"I just said-"
"No, I don't mean tonight, or tomorrow or the next day," Faith said as she went over and sat down on the coffee table. "Do you want me to leave?"
"You know I don't, but I can't take the waiting and hoping any more."
"Ask me to stay."
"Faith..."
"Please, Buffy, I need to hear you say it."
"I want you to stay."
"Why?"
"Because you make me feel like I'm alive!" Tears sparkled on Buffy's cheeks. "It's like I've found something I hadn't even realised I'd lost, and now I'm so scared of losing it again, and everything-"
Whatever Buffy had been about to say was smothered as Faith kissed her. Buffy froze for an instant, taken by surprised, then she abandoned herself to it.
Finally Faith broke the kiss and gasped, "Okay."
"Okay?" Buffy asked, confused, hopeful and afraid of that hope.
"Okay," Faith replied, smiling even as her eyes filled with tears. "Okay. I'm staying."
"You are? But what about all the things you said, about Willow, and Xander, and everything? What's changed?"
"I have. Whatever it takes to make this work, I'll do it. I'm not leaving you, Buffy, I-"
It was Faith's turn to be silenced by a kiss. When they released each other, after what seemed like days, they both had reddened eyes and cheeks smeared with tears, but neither could stop smiling.
"Wow!" Faith said, her eyes a little out of focus.
"Big wow," Buffy agreed. "I guess we should probably have that talk."
"Yeah."
A short while later, the Slayers faced each other across the kitchen counter, each clutching a steaming mug.
"So..." Buffy began nervously. "How... how does this work? You and me?"
"I don't know. I've never been that big on relationships before, you know? I guess I'd like to take things kind of slow, if that's okay with you?"
"Sure! I mean, I want to do this right, not have it be some 'get some, get gone' kind of thing."
"Okay, yeah, good. So, how do you want to do it? Go slow, I mean."
"Well, what are you doing tomorrow night?"
"I don't know, patrol, maybe meet the guys at the Bronze... wait a second, are you asking me out? As in, on a date?"
"Well, yeah," Faith replied. "I mean, that's what couples do when they start out, isn't it?"
"Yeah, but we're not exactly like other couples, are we? We already live together, and we've kind of shot past the dating stage to the big-time emotional trauma."
"I know, but we're Slayers; we're never going to be exactly normal, are we? I just thought it'd be nice to try doing the relationship, getting to know you thing."
Buffy thought about it for a moment. "Yeah, it would. I'd like that." She was about to say something more, but yawned. "Sorry, it's not you, I promise."
Faith was already yawning herself. "No problem, Buffy, it's kind of late. Let's get some sleep - we can talk dates in the morning."
"Okay." Buffy drained her mug and walked around the counter to stand by Faith. "So, if we're starting in first-date mode, does that mean no more smoochies?"
"Not a chance!" Faith replied with a wolfish grin, wrapping her arms around Buffy's waist and pulling her close.
Buffy sank into the warmth of her embrace, eyes closing as she tasted Faith's lips again. A slight noise made her open one eye a fraction, and what she saw sent her jerking back, away from Faith. "Dawn!"
Faith snapped her head around to see Dawn standing in the hallway, still in the ball-gown she'd somehow acquired the previous evening, her bloodshot eyes staring at them in disbelief.
"You... you... are you... you can't do this if you're leaving! I can't stand it!"
Buffy rushed to her sister. "No-one's going anywhere, Dawnie."
"She's right, Dawn, I'm staying."
"You are? And the two of you are..."
Buffy looked back at Faith. "Yeah."
Dawn's squeal of delight had both Slayers covering their ears. "Oh my God, I can't believe it! I love you guys!" She flung herself at Faith, almost knocking her off her feet with a hug that meant more to Faith than she'd ever have dared to hope. Almost immediately Dawn was reaching out for Buffy as well, drawing her into the embrace.
"Okay, okay, time we all hit the sack," Buffy said, her voice lighter than it had been in weeks. They all trooped upstairs, and Dawn quickly disappeared into her room, leaving the Slayers alone.
"Quite a night, Buffy," Faith said, one hand caressing Buffy's cheek.
Buffy smiled, putting her arms around Faith's waist. "I've had worse."
They kissed one last time, and then turned away to their respective bedrooms. Faith was just about to open the door when Buffy called to her. "Faith?"
"Yeah, Buffy?"
"Call me B."
TBC
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