Chapter Sixteen

Okay, just settle down. Guess ya wanna know how the hell things got  where they ended up. Suppose that's only fair, plus it's gotta be  irritating when you don't have the whole story. Alright, where the  hell was I? Uh…oh yeah, right. Was flying my ass home after saying my  goodbyes. Got it.

I got on the plane to go home, knowing at least I'd done what I'd set  out to do. B was okay, she was gonna stay that way, and it was back  to my own life now. That was a big fucking joke `cause as far as I  could see, I didn't have a life, not anymore. I was flying away from  my life.

Plane touched down all safe and sound. Makes ya wonder where the  goddamn fireball of a crash is when ya need it. I was wondering that  again when it took almost three fucking hours to get home. There was  an accident backing everybody up on the highway, plus the cabbie  drove like an old lady. I had him drop me off in town.

My first and only stop was for supplies. I grabbed eggs, milk, bread,  cereal, popcorn, and the most important food of all: a case of Jack  Daniels. It was the kinda food I could live on, and I was gonna or  die trying.

Next ride went smoother, and I got to the house in a few. The place  was empty and lonely just like it was supposed to be, only way worse.  I didn't see how I was gonna do it again, not when every thought I  was having was all about her in some way. Experience told me it was  gonna be like that for a really long time, probably forever.

It's asking a lot of a person when ya ask'em to just push their love  away like it don't mean shit to'em. It's pretty much asking the  impossible when ya ask'em for it twice. I didn't think I was strong  enough, and my gut was telling me this time I wasn't ever gonna be.

Was a way scary thought for somebody with my history, but there was  no helping that. It was gonna go the way it went, and there was  nothing…Okay, that attitude was way scary too.

I started drinking as I got my gear stowed. At least the electric was  still on, it got paid in the rent, so I thought I might as well try  some music. Bad idea `cause the sound just pissed me off and before I  knew it, I had a trashed stereo to toss.

I figured some fresh air would be good, the house could use it and so  could I. Fifteen minutes more than did the trick because it was so  fucking cold out. Closing the windows was no big, except for the one  my hand went through. That one was gonna need something else…later.

It finally occurred to me that I looked like a fuckin' alky, walking  around swigging booze out of a bottle while I busted up whatever I  touched. I grabbed a glass and collapsed into my chair. It felt good,  and it felt familiar. My hand just felt cut and sore.

Took another hit of my bestest bud Jack, and man was I happy. Oh  yeah, woulda done a tap dance right the fuck across the room if I  coulda found the energy. Instead I just leaned my head back, and  closed my eyes.

Wasn't that long before I had almost the whole bottle gone, but it  wasn't helping. I knew it wasn't gonna, not yet. I could always put  away a lot of the hard stuff, and since I became a Slayer, well I  really gotta fight to get hammered.

It's not impossible, I just gotta work hard at it. No problem, I had  my standards and I could damn well live down to'em. I wasn't a  quitter either, so I just opened up another bottle and got on with  it. Sooner or later, I'd get the pain to ease off.

Who the hell was I trying to kid? Nothing was gonna help me. I was  gonna feel the pain forever, and it wasn't gonna fade in time. Even  if I managed to get plastered, nothing was gonna ease the hurt. It  was mine in all its fucking glory, and also mine was the crying jag I  could feel coming on.

Let me tell ya if you don't know: the first one's always so special.  You know there's gonna be a million more, but the first one lets ya  know just what's in store for you. Already know crying like a  heartbroken baby is gonna be happening on a regular basis, it's just  that the first one really drives it home how fucked up the rest of  your life is gonna be.

I started losing it then, doing that deep down crying that comes  right from your soul and fights its way out one tear at a time. It  physically hurts, like you're in a fight and getting your ass kicked  but good…Guess I was at that.

Still I fought it, tried to keep it away from me, but I couldn't. The  pain was just roaring through me, and there was no way for me to hang  on. I started sobbing `cause there was nothing else I could do, and  just a few minutes into it, there was a knock on my door.

Now what the fuck was it? I'd been gone like eight hours, what could  be the big emergency? Willow break a nail? Xander lose track of his  patch? Giles finally shove that stick too far up his ass?

Couldn't they just leave me the hell alone? I did my job, I paid the  price, and I wasn't sitting around crying about it…Okay I was, but… fuck …Just leave me alone!

I threw my glass at whoever, and when that did nothing, I polished  off the bottle and tossed that too. Neither throw was too effective,  the door was pretty solid and it was locked up tight. Still, the  sight of the bottle busting into a buncha tiny pieces was a good one.  Factor in that the asshole knocking had to have heard it and received  the message, well all I had to say was: "Good fucking bye!"

They didn't stop, in fact they weren't really knocking anymore, they  were pounding. The door was actually starting to rattle around in the  frame, and a busted front door was the last thing I needed. 'Specially in the Minnesota cold with a window that already needed fixing.

"Fine, fucker! Hold on!"

I got up and walked over to the door, snatching it open as I got  ready to kill Willow:

"What the fuck do you…"

"Hi."

All the air just shot outta my lungs.

I'd felt her there, of course I had, but since I'd been feeling her  since I left, I just figured it was like that phantom pain they say  amputees get. How weird is that? Guess the nerve endings are so  stupid, they just keep right on sending messages to something that's  not even there anymore.

You wouldn't think it'd be so hard to notice when a piece is missing,  but obviously it is `cause it happens to just about everybody who…Oh  fuck that's great, I was turning into Willow in my head. Christ.

She just stood there, not trying to push her way in or anything, but  she still stood there looking at me. She had three, no, four  snowflakes in her hair, and her nose and cheeks were a real soft red  that made…

I couldn't do this, I had to protect myself. She was trying to kill  me, and I couldn't let her.

"So I gotta leave here now? Two uninvited drop byes in just a few  months lets me know you people are gonna keep pulling this crap."

"Can I come in?"

I stood as big as I could in the doorway, my body language making it  clear that no, she could not come in. Figured I'd give her the double  whammy:

"Look B, I just got back here. Got a lotta shit to do, so…"

Yeah, that was really smooth and tough. I was talking like she'd just  popped over uninvited from across the street.

"Faith, please?"

And great. Buffy's pleading eyes. Like I could ever turn her down  when she looks at me like that.

I flung open the door with this big, way ungracious attitude, making  it clear I didn't want her coming in at all. I stormed back to my,  and great big emphasis on "MY", front room. I'm not sure what I was  doing, but I can admit that I was acting like a kid having a temper  tantrum.

It didn't make a lot of sense. We'd parted on friendly terms, so what  exactly was my problem? Guess if I analyzed it, I felt threatened.  And sad. And way, way pissed off. How the hell was I supposed to get  over her when she came to my safe place, and stood right the fuck in  front of me?

She closed the door, shrugged outta her coat, and then we did the  whole staring thing again. Great. I'd helped her out, but no way  could she return the favor. She could stand there forever with her  special "Buffy good intentions", but what I needed from her she could  never give. Not ever, at least not to me.

Having her in my house, having to see her at all was just killing me.  Didn't she get that?

"Okay B, make it fast and leave. Not some pit stop you and your pals  can just pull into whenever the fuck ya feel like it. And FYI: I'm  movin'. This unannounced dropping by shit don't work for me at all."

Now ya say something like that to anybody else, especially as mean as  I said it, well they'd get right to their business and go. I made it  plain as day I didn't want her in my house, that I wasn't at all  happy to see her. But of course I wasn't talking to just anybody.  This was Buffy, and B does what she does, and it's never what  somebody else would do.

So what's B do? She starts walking around, looking at all my stuff.  She's picking it up, turning it this way and that, then putting it  back down like it's all telling her something important. She looked  just like I'd invited her over from across the street to see the new  place.

"Buffy?"

Oh fuck…then she had my blanket. Ya know, my favorite one. The soft  one. She was holding it against her face and breathing in deep, all  with a little smile…She could not do that.

"Mmmm…This is the softest blanket I've ever felt."

My breathing stopped completely for a sec. Jesus H. Christ…I was  never gonna be able to look at that blanket again without seeing her  face all smashed into it...Okay, I couldn't take anymore:

"There some reason for this visit, or is it just some new torture ya  cooked up? We playing the, `Let's Hurt F' game again, `cause I gotta  tell ya, I thought we were all done with that. Know for sure I am."

She never even moved, not a flinch, so I kept going:

"Never was much fun for me, and I don't feel like helping you get  your kicks now, okay? You got somethin' to say? Then hurry up and say  it. I need you gone."

She didn't look hurt or mad. She looked…I don't know exactly. I guess  she looked kinda sad, but also determined and way sure of what she  was doing and where she was at. I was at a total loss. What the fuck  was this?

"I just missed you at the airport."

"'The airport'? Not following, why'd you go there?"

"I was trying to catch you before you left."

"B, we just said it all at your place, finally parted as friends.  What're ya doin' now, tryin' to fuck it all up? Just head back to  your life. It's all yours again, and it's gonna be fine. Go home."

"And what about you?"

I couldn't keep my eyes on hers, and they sorta slide off to look  someplace over her shoulder:

"Me? I'm gonna be fine too."

She casually put my blanket down, and I could feel her staring at me:

"You've been drinking, and considering the case of…'Jack Daniels'  sitting right next to your chair, I'd say you were planning on doing  a lot more."

I didn't say shit, my brain was working overtime to find a way out of  this…whatever the hell `this' was.

"Your hand is bleeding, and there's a hand sized hole in that window.  Your stereo is smashed almost in half, your front door has a big  chunk missing from the wood, and there's broken glass all over the  floor. Nothing here looks like it's going be fine."

"Yeah well, see that's the beauty of livin' on your own. Can do  whatever the fuck ya wanna when ya wanna. Can't see how it's any of  your concern anyway."

"You've been crying too."

"Tears of joy at being back home. I'm havin' a little `Welcome Home'  party for myself."

I wanted to sit down, but I just kept standing there like I was  frozen.

"Want some company?"

"Sorry, no party crashers allowed. Ya better motor now so I can get  the festivities rollin'."

"I don't want you to go."

I almost laughed at that:

"Uh, little late there, B. Case you didn't notice, I'm already gone."

"Only because I didn't get to you in time."

"No, only `cause my plane left."

Suddenly it hit me, I got what this was all about.

"B, you're gonna be just fine now. I know it's scary, but I wouldn't  have left if I wasn't absolutely positive. Tell ya what I'm gonna do:  gonna give you the emergency number Angel has. I check it twice a  day, every day, so you get into real trouble, just gotta leave a  message and I promise I'll come right away."

I walked over to the coffee table, grabbed some paper, and wrote down  the number. I was all smiles as I handed it to her:

"But believe me B, you aren't ever gonna need it. You're gonna be  okay now."

She didn't take the number, she never even looked at it. She just  kept going like I hadn't said a word.

"I've never gotten to you in time. There's always been something in  the way, sometimes real, sometimes imagined. Angel, insanity, an  apocalypse, fear, pride, not believing in what I felt. This time it's  clear, there's nothing in my way now."

All evidence pointing the other way, I'm not a dummy. I saw then what  this was, where we were heading, and I couldn't believe it.

It'd been what…ten years? For ten years I'd been in love with this  woman, ten years, and even the most optimistic idiot on the planet's  gotta know by now it just ain't gonna happen.

Too much shit had gone down, too many obstacles had gone up. Angel,  Spike, Riley, homicidal insanity, attempted murder, body snatching,  jail, anger, pride, mixed signals, betrayal, straightness, and on and  on and on.

It was obviously a "no way ever", and that's just the way it was.  Best I could hope for was a maybe friendly, on your guard acceptance  from her. On a good day, I might get something like an irritated  fondness, but it'd be a real short burst. That was it, that was all,  and anything else was just a bullshit pipedream that hurt like…

"Faith, I lo…"

"Stop right there. I don't wanna hear this."

"Faith…"

"I mean it. You are leaving right the fuck now. Under your own steam  or mine, don't matter at all to me. I just know you're going, and  you're going right now."

She didn't budge. I don't know what her expression looked like because no way was I looking anywhere near her. Her voice was already slicing right through me, it was like nothing I'd ever heard directed at me before, and no way was I gonna let her eyes do a tag-team on me.

"Let me say this. Let me tell you that I lo…"

"Not kidding here, B."

I wanted to sound all hard and tough, but I heard my voice crack, and  I knew I had no hope of pulling it off. Still I kept talking:

"You can't do this to me. Maybe check back in a few years `cause right now I'm just barely hanging on. I gotta let you go again, and I don't know if I can. You don't know how bad it hurts, how hard it is. If  you say that and don't mean it, I'm not lying when I say you're gonna  destroy me."

I looked at her then, and I could see the tears standing in her eyes.

"Please Buffy, don't do it. Just go home now."

I felt like I was gonna die when she started walking towards me. She  was moving slow and quiet, like she was approaching a scared animal.  I wanted to run, but I just stood there waiting.

No pride, no defense against her at all. There was just me and  everything I felt for her, standing there waiting while she got  closer and closer. I wanted her so bad, I couldn't even try to save  myself.

She stopped about three or four steps away:

"I am so sorry Faith, for all of it."

She took a deep breath, and then she just let it fly:

"When we met we were just kids, but I felt it. Just like you did, I  felt it. I couldn't understand what it meant, or I wouldn't, and it  scared me. I had Angel, so I fell back on him to avoid dealing with  you."

"B, I can't hear this. Just…"

"When the accident with Finch happened, I used it as an excuse to  pull away. I let you pretend you didn't care, but I always knew you  did. I knew how scared you were, how much you needed me, but I just  let go of you because I was a coward."

"Please Buffy, I'm begging you, okay? Just stop now."

But I knew she wasn't gonna stop. Everything about her, her face, her  eyes, her voice, her body, it all said she was never gonna stop.

"When we fought and I thought I'd killed you…I just wanted to die. I  was so shocked, and all I wanted was to take it back…God Faith, I'd  have done anything to take it back. But I couldn't, all I could do  was go save Angel and try to stop The Mayor."

"I don't wanna hear this."

"I had no idea how to beat him, but then you came to me. You saved  me, all of us, and that moment gave me such hope."

I was scared now, more terrified than I'd ever been in my whole life.  I was standing in my front room, face to face with Buffy Summers,  just frozen to the spot while she said what she had to say.

"The night they called to say you'd finally woken up, I was scared  but I still had that hope. I thought that moment we shared…well I  thought maybe it meant you were going to be okay again, that we were  going to be okay again. But then when I saw you, you were so…you were  so…"

"'Crazy'. The word ya want's `crazy', just like I am right now for  letting this go on."

I tried to take control then. I was tougher than this, and I wasn't  gonna keep standing around saying nothing besides shit that sounded  like begging.

"You listen to me now, I don't wanna waltz down `Memory Fucking Lane'  with you. Just leave. Go home!"

"In L.A., I was so angry. When I saw Angel comforting you, I could  have killed you both. After everything you'd done, he was holding you  and you were letting him. I could see how much pain you were in, I  could see how sorry you were, but I was afraid to trust that. If I  did and it just turned out to be another game…I couldn't have taken  that Faith, so I had to hold onto all the anger I felt."

"Goddamn it Buffy, I mean it! Shut up!"

"But then on the roof, I knew. You meant everything you were saying,  and when you asked me how to make it better, God I couldn't keep the  anger going. I wanted to, I tried, but I couldn't. I was right on the  verge of telling you it was all going to be okay, and I felt myself  starting to reach out to you. But then The Council was there and the  moment was gone…and so were you."

"Is my voice coming out on a fucking frequency that only dogs can  hear? This is my place, and I get to decide who stays and who goes. I  made my decision: you go. Get the fuck out of here!"

Buffy took a step forward, and finally my legs remembered how to  work. Still, I only managed one shaky step back, then just stood  still again.

"I was so relieved and grateful when you came back to help with The  First. But I was mad too. At you, at fate, at everything. I was just  so tired. I'd changed, and not for the better, then here you came all `New and Improved'. You made it look so easy, but I knew it wasn't. I knew what it was costing you to be back, but I just couldn't make  myself be fair."

It was crystal fucking clear she wasn't gonna stop, and it was just  as plain that despite all my threats, I wasn't gonna get into it with  her physically either. The only way this was gonna end was when she  got done saying her piece.

Okay, fine. Didn't mean I couldn't do something to help myself get  through it. I opened a fresh bottle and chugged down about a fifth of  it in one go. My throat and gut were on fire, and I struggled a little to catch my breath.

"When I got thrown out and you almost died, that scared me. I didn't  analyze it, I didn't want to know. But then we had our `hot chicks  with superpowers' talk, and just like that, I felt it again. To my  surprise, it was okay, I welcomed it. It made me feel like maybe when  the big fight was all over, we could finally be something more to  each other."

I took another big slug, but it wasn't doing jack shit for me. I was  so freaked out, I couldn't even laugh at that. It seemed way likely I  was never gonna laugh at anything again.

"When we won, it should have been nothing but good. But I couldn't  forget all the people we'd lost. So many Potentials, Anya, Spike, and  pretty soon all I could feel was the guilt and anger again. People I  loved, people who counted on me to save them, they just died all  around me and it hurt so much. I shut down and pulled away from you  again because that's what I always do, what I always thought I had to  do."

I started thinking maybe I should just leave the house, but I was  pretty sure she wouldn't let me. She was on a mission, and there  wasn't anybody or anything in the world that could stop her. I tossed  my bottle against the wall and watched the booze slide down, making  these really weird patterns as it went.

"Still you stayed, and you were such a big help. Then Spike came  back, and it was like a miracle. I didn't love him Faith, not like  that, but he made me believe again that good things could happen,  that maybe I really could have a life and be happy. Every time I  thought about that, tried to imagine it, it was you I saw with me. I  knew I had to talk to you, and just as I was getting up the courage  to do it, you left…again. No goodbye, no explanation, you were just  gone. And I gave up right then."

Was my turn again, and I did my best:

"Okay B, I let ya get all that off your chest and hey, thanks for  sharing. Can feel myself growin' as a person and everything. Now will  you please get the fuck outta here? Leave me alone."

"I love you Faith, I think I always have. It's just that you made me  feel so much so fast, and it scared me. I wanted you, God did I want  you, but I just didn't know how to have you. I couldn't handle it,  and I messed everything up. I'm so sorry for every time I hurt you,  and I know there's no way I can make up for it all...but I do love  you. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone."

Somehow she'd gotten close enough to touch me, and her hand was  brushing along my cheek, all soft and gentle.

"I know you love me too, I guess I've always known that…Please, don't  say it's too late, it just can't be. I know it's been a long and ugly  road we've gone down, but I don't care. It's our road, and finally  we're standing here together at the same time and place."

Her hand touched my hair, then fell back to her side.

"Stay with me Faith, please say you'll stay with me. Let me love you."

I just started bawling. Kind of a crazy reaction I guess, but then  I'm kind of a crazy woman.

I felt her arms folding me into the warmest hug I'd ever known, and  it was like I'd finally been allowed to come in from the cold. After  years of just wandering around all alone, wanting something I could  never have, I was home.

All I wanted to do right then was tell her that my answer was "yes".  I wanted to tell her I'd stay with her for as long as I was alive,  and knowing me, probably a whole lot longer. But there was no way I  could form those words or any words at all, so I just kept crying.

She held onto me, and eventually she carried me to my chair and sat  down with me on her lap. She wrapped both of us up in my favorite  blanket, and we just sat there. I cried for a really long time and  when I finally stopped, we still didn't say a thing.

Musta been half an hour before I spoke up:

"B?"

"Uh-huh?"

"You mean it, right?"

"Yes I do, Faith."

"Okay."

We sat without talking for another long stretch, then B broke the  silence. What she asked me made my heart stop:

"Can I show you just how much I love you?"

All I could do was nod.

She carried me to my bed, and then did exactly what she said she was  gonna. I never felt anything like that before, never. I guess it's  what people mean when they say something was like a religious  experience.

Only way I can describe it is: I felt her. Everything she was, she  just gave it to me. She worshipped me, my body, my heart, my soul,  and I felt surrounded by her. I know how sappy it sounds, but it's  true.

I felt her love for me in everything she did, every touch, every  move, every word. I was with her, she let me in completely, and I  knew I was finally where I belonged. It was awhile before I could  talk normally, but when I could, I told her:

"I love you Buffy, with everything I got. You're all I ever wanted  from the first minute I saw you, and I'm yours forever, B."

"Well I'm yours for a lot longer than that. Better step it up, F."

That made me smile for real for the first time since she'd shown up,  and she reached out to trace a finger around my dimples:

"I just love your smile."

"Yours isn't so bad either."

"Yes, but yours is like a masterpiece. Your whole face just…"

I was already shaking my head. What, is she nuts?

"B, trust me. No way it compares to yours. When you smile, it's like  the…"

"Faith please, your smile is definitely the most beautiful thing  I've…"

"Hey, it's our first fight!"

She looked at me like she thought I'd gone senile or something.

"Our `first' fight? Uh…how do you figure that?"

"Well, our first fight since you fucked my brains out."

She smiled big then, and I won the argument right there as far as I  was concerned.

"Gee F, don't hold anything back. Just say whatever you need to say."

"Hey, ya did it with love, that's the main thing."

Her smile was getting bigger, and she didn't have a leg to stand on.

"I'm glad to hear you caught that part of it."

"No way to miss it, B."

She was laying on top of me, and she shifted like maybe she was gonna  move. Uh…no. She was fine right where she was, and I tightened my  arms just enough to get the message across.

"Faith?"

"Yeah?"

"I can't leave California. Would you be willing to…"

"B, think I'm way familiar with your job requirements. I'm done with  livin' here anyway, but it wouldn't really make any difference. I'd  go anywhere with you."

We kissed for a while. Guess she really digs it when I talk the  romantic shit.

"Angel's covering for me, so we've got some time. I don't want to  rush you, I know you probably have a lot of things you need to take  care of before you can leave."

"Sorta, but I'm not really entangled. Lost my job when I went with  Red, house is a rental paid through next month. There's really nobody  I need to explain anything to. Guess you could say all the good  stuff's on the West coast."

"…I'm so sorry for…"

Can you imagine? B thought she needed to keep apologizing to me.  Right.

"Shhh…both done stuff to each other. We start with the apologies,  they'll never end. I don't give a shit about the past, B. I'm just as  sorry and way more guilty than you are, but I can't live in the past  anymore. See, I'm all tied up in the present and the future, so I got  no time for the past. Fuck it."

That earned me a little kiss on the chest.

"When did you get so wise?"

"No clue. Probably `bout ten minutes ago. I mean, I was screamin' in  another language, so…"

She laughed and kissed my chest again:

"Well thank God one of us has some sense."

"Jesus B, pretty scary if it's me."

"I'm fine with it."

She meant it too, and that had me feeling pretty fucking good.

We kinda drifted for a few, then outta the blue B piped up:

"Why Minnesota?"

"Just where I landed. Stayed `cause it seemed like there was nothing  here to remind me of you."

"…Oh…"

She sounded sad, and I didn't wanna make her sad. But she'd asked,  and I couldn't lie to her. I was never gonna lie to her.

"There was though, B."

"Was what?"

"Something that reminded me of you."

"What do you mean?"

I wrapped my arms a little tighter around her as I tried to figure  out how to explain it so she'd understand.

"Ever seen a day so cold and bright it hurts? Cold's vicious, and the  sun's so bright bouncing offa the snow, it blinds you. It's so  beautiful though, ya can't help yourself. You keep on sucking in one  deep breath after the other, and ya keep right on looking where it's  the brightest. Your lungs are burning, your eyes are stinging, but ya  just keep doin' it `cause it's so amazing, and you're completely  under its spell. It hurts, but no way can ya resist it."

"…That's me?"

"Yeah, but there's still my favorite part."

"What's that?"

My hand went up to her hair, and I let it pour through my fingers  like liquid gold.

"Well if ya tough it out, the day goes on and all of the sudden, the  sun just becomes different. Instead of blinding you, it shows you  just how clean and pure and good everything is. There ya are, right  in the middle of the coldest cold you've ever felt, but then the sun  just wraps you up tight in its warmth, and now all ya feel is happy  and safe. Always made me think of you."

"Faith…"

"Never really mattered to me what shit was goin' down. Sometimes  you'd look at me, and all I could feel was that warmth. Made me feel  happy and safe, and was always like this precious gift you gave me. I  never let one of those moments slip by, not ever. Got'em all right  here inside."

B was way teary as she raised up over me:

"I'm going to give you moments like that every single day from here  on out. I love you Faith, and I'm going to spend the rest of my life  making you feel warm and safe and happy."

Then her lips were on mine, and all I can tell ya for sure is that we  made love all through the night. Again B was a woman of her word,  doing just what she said she was gonna do. Or in this case, she got  off to a real good start. Hell, we both got off…to a great start.

Alright then, think that brings it all back around to the end. Hero  gets the girl, nobody's givin' anybody back, and it all turned out  happy. Plus it's one of them stories that teaches ya an important  lesson at the end.

What's the lesson? Simple: ya gotta have faith. It's funny for sure,  but that don't mean it's not true too. I got them ten years backing  me right the fuck up.

Yep, ten long years, but they finally paid off. Buffy's in love with  me, and all of the shit we went through doesn't even matter anymore.  For all I know, it never really did. I don't much care because I get  to be with her for the rest of my life, and I got absolutely no  complaints about that in any fucking way.

Okay, it's still buggin' me a little. For real now, think there's any  chance I could really be…Not me at all, is it? Still I came pretty  damn close, close as somebody like me's ever gonna get. Alright fuck  it, I'm lettin' it go. Not like it's important anyway.

What is important is that The Slayer's starting to wake up. That  means it's time to finish this so her and me can get going. We got  our sights set on seeing a big hole in the ground…besides a Hellmouth.

I don't get it, but it's what she wants to see. And me? Well I just  wanna see the big smile on her face when we get there.

I got it bad, I know. I'm all wimpy and shit. But how's that really  my fault? I mean, just take a look at how beautiful she really is,  then throw in the fact that she's Buffy. Think it's obvious anybody'd  lose it, ya can't help it.

So I guess that does it. Wish I had something cool to say, or at  least somethin' smart for the big wrap-up. Not gonna happen  though `cause I'm just not good with words. There is one thing I am  good at though…Okay, make that two things.

I'm good at keeping the faith and the Buffy. Oh c'mon, work with me  here. Kinda tough to be witty when ya can't stop smiling. Plus B's  startin' to get all frisky, so ya ask me I'm doin' a bang-up job.

I'm gonna need a couple…Hey, "a couple", that's me and B now. Yep,  it's Buffy Summers and Faith…I'm still not sayin'. Anyway, we get to  go do the happily ever after part now, and I can't wait.

It's pretty cool `cause all the best stories end with the whole  happily ever after, and I think anybody'd have to say this story's  been shit hot. I mean, how could it be anything else when…Hold it,  B's sayin' something and she looks kinda serious.

"…and you really are. And smart and funny and loyal and stubborn in  all the right ways. I mean, how did I ever get so lucky? You loving  me is the biggest miracle of my life. And I know it embarrasses you,  but Faith, you really are my hero."

Hey, did you hear that?! Fucking A, it was me! Faith Lehane-Winters  is the goddamn hero! I mean if B says so, well who'd know better than  her?

…Yeah alright, so it's Lehane-Winters. Nuts, I know. Look, can ya  just keep it to yourself? I'm askin' all nice and shit instead of  threatening to pound your ass into an early grave, `cause that's what  heroes do. They ask first, pound later.

Ah, who am I kiddin'? I don't have the first clue what they do. Just  going by what I think B would do. Damn, it's already a shitload a  pressure, and I haven't even had to do anything yet.

No way am I cut out for this kinda deal, so fuck it. But I am gonna  hang onto the part where B said I was her hero, that I think I can  do. But the rest of it? I'm givin' it right the fuck back.

I start laughing like a crazy person `cause hey, and B wants to know  what's so funny. How can I ever explain to her that I'm just so  fucking happy and proud, I can't even see straight?

"Nothin', B. I'm just so fucking happy and proud, I can't even see  straight."

Guess it wasn't as hard as I thought.

"God, you are just so cute and sweet."

Then we're kissing again, and that's when it hits me.

This is how all the best stories end. The music swells and the hero  kisses the girl while the credits…

Hey, fuck that shit. B is mine, and there's never gonna be a better  ending than that. Fade this fucker to black.

THE END