Chapter Fourteen
Took about two and a half weeks for my leg to heal up, and of course I milked it for all it was worth. Had everybody at my beck and call, and I was livin' large. Told'em the story over and over, and it was different every fucking time. Heard somewhere that it helps keep an audience interested if ya keep it fresh.
B needed four days before she was okay, and we spent a lot of time watching movies and playing videogames. It was fun, but it was also fucking annoying because she beat me every single time we played a fighting game. What the hell was that all about? Goddamn games gotta imitate real life? Even when I got a busted leg? No way was that fair.
She trained everyday with Giles after breakfast…and yeah, I was greeted every morning at 7:00 fucking a.m. by a way too happy Buffy Summers. I wanted to kill her, but the grin on her face was pretty damn cute.
"Now Faith, I know you know just how important it is to keep up the routine…no matter what."
"Fuck you, Slayer."
"Wow, that sure is a bad attitude. I hope I don't need to bring the phone up here."
"B, c'mon! My leg fucking hurts!"
"Okay I'll tell you what, let's compromise. If you come along peacefully, I'll let you have my bacon."
Not too much you can do when they quote you back to yourself. I did throw my pillows at her almost every morning, so I know I had her scared.
When I finally got back on both my feet, we picked up our normal routine. It was clear right away, don't ask me how I knew I just did, that B was fine. It had let go of her, and she was just herself again. I was way relieved and happy for her.
Was about a week after my leg had recovered, when B asked us all to head to the front room after lunch. We went in and got settled, but B just stood by the fireplace looking really nervous. Finally she took a deep breath and just dove in:
"I've already spoken to you guys individually, but I wanted to say this to everyone all at once. First, I am so sorry for everything. I went crazy, and I don't really have any other excuse. There just aren't any excuses for the things I've done."
It was so quiet you coulda heard a pin just thinking about dropping.
"There's nothing I can do to change what I did, all I can do now is promise you all that I will spend as long as it takes to earn back your trust and respect. I know it could take a long time, I get that, and I'll wait just as long as I have to. I want to thank you guys for still caring about me. I can't even begin to explain what that means to me, but it means everything. I hope in time I can convince you of that, but I know I've got a lot of work ahead of me. If it takes the rest of my life, well that's fine…I just wanted all of you to know how truly sorry I am."
No one moved or said anything until Xander stood up:
"Buff, we went through a really rough time and hey, not so fun. But I don't need any more time. You never lost my trust or my respect, so you don't need to earn any of it back. I love you Buffy, and all I need is a hug."
He got one, and B had the biggest smile ever on her face.
"Thank you, Xander."
Red was next:
"Okay, you know me. Not so big with the dwelling, I mean the bad dwelling. Of course we can dwell on the good later because there's never enough of that around here, or probably anywhere else either. I'm just glad you're okay Buffy, I don't care about the rest of it."
Then they hugged, and got all weepy doing it. Dawn took her turn when they finally managed to let go.
"Buffy, you really scared me, but that's over now. You explained everything to me, and I think I get what happened. I do know for sure I don't want you worrying about it for the rest of your life. We've all screwed up a lot over the years, so I guess it was just your turn this time…again. Anyway, I'm glad you're back. I really missed you."
B went to her then:
"I love you, Dawnie."
"Well, duh."
I figured maybe I oughta pull back on the throttle a little bit:
"All cool here, if I'm gettin' asked. Least ya didn't gut me this time around."
Everybody laughed, and the intensity kinda lessened. That is, until Giles took the floor.
"My turn, is it? Yes well, while I fully understand the desire to put this matter to rest, I'm not at all certain it can be done quite so simply."
B's face fell, and I swear I could hear her heart breaking.
"However, if I've learnt nothing else from this group, I've learnt that nothing is impossible. Buffy, I feel I must tell you that I greatly admire how you've come back to yourself. You're every bit as wonderful as I've always thought you were, and no father could ever be prouder of his daughter…Now then, perhaps we would all be better served to place our attention on a more important topic. All in agreement?"
We all were, and B looked like a fifty ton weight had been lifted off her.
The Scoobies had recovered even faster than I thought they would, but it wasn't a real big surprise. After all they were a team, and more than that, they were a family. Always had been, always would be. Buffy was home.
Three days later, I had to face it: my time was up. In fact, it was way past time and I knew it. B was fine, the gang was back together, and it was all like it oughta be. There was no reason for me to keep hanging around, and I couldn't keep kidding myself…I had to go.
I made a reservation for the next day and set out to do what needed doing. Goodbyes were always tough, but this time I had to do them. I was liked a lot more than the last time I left, and ya can't just pull out on people who give a shit. There's rules to everything, and even I gotta follow'em sometimes, like now.
My first stop was Xander. He was at his job site barking out orders, and it still floored me that this goofy guy was so smart and in charge of so many people.
"Hiya Patch, got a sec?"
He turned to look at me and he was smiling, even though he looked worried.
"For you, I've got hours. Is something wrong?"
"Not a thing. Just came by to tell ya I'm leavin' for home tomorrow."
His face kinda fell, even his shoulders slumped a little.
"…Do you have to?"
"Yep, it's time. Did my job, and now I gotta get back to real life."
"I'm betting you could find real life right here if you looked."
"Probably doesn't get any realer than here, but I'm not gonna find what I want, no matter how hard I go looking. Anyway, just wanted to give ya the heads-up, and let you know how much I admire you for sticking with her like ya did."
He took his hard hat off, and smiled again:
"Yeah well, what else can you do? She's Buffy, you know?"
"I'd say that covers it alright. You're quite a guy, Xander."
"Faith…"
He hugged me hard, and I gotta admit I got a little choked up.
"Thank you so much. What you did…well there's no way any of us can ever repay you, but if you ever need anything…"
"Don't gotta repay me, but I'll tell ya what. I ever need any construction, doughnuts, or the biggest set of balls I've ever seen, you're gonna be my first and only call."
"Are you sure you have to go?"
"So sure, they got it written in stone."
He ran his hand over his face and up into his hair, his eye kinda staring off into space.
"Does Buffy know yet?"
"Nope, I'm gonna wait until the last second."
"No notes this time though, okay? You have to do it face to face."
"Don't worry, I got it covered."
"Be safe Faith, and know that you're always welcome here or wherever we are."
"Thanks, that means a lot to me. Okay, guess I better motor."
He hugged me again, and he didn't even seem to give a shit that some tears were running down his face. He really was a great guy.
Next up was Willow. I caught her in the kitchen and asked her to take a walk with me. We went a ways, then I just told her.
"It's that time, Red. Nothing left to do here, least not for me."
"What? No, I don't think it's `that' time. Did some `It's Time!' timer go off or something? Because I've been thinking that it never has to be `that' time, not really. You can just stay here and ignore all signs of time!"
"It's okay, okay? There's just not a place for me here, leastways not the one I want, so I gotta go."
She moved in and shit, she had a grip on my arm again.
"But Faith, I told you it had to be you because…"
"Red, I know ya mean well, but just let it go. No matter what you and me want it's not gonna happen, that's just how it is. Now if this thing was between us, we'd be all set. Unfortunately, that's not the sitch either."
She started crying a little bit then.
"Can't you give her more time? If you stay, maybe she'll…"
"Not goin' there. Told me in murder rehab the definition of insanity's doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Got past that now, mostly. It's time for me to get back to what's different."
"But Faith, she does feel…"
"You know where I'm coming from, and you know I wish I could wait. If I had any real hope, fuck I'd wait for her forever. But I don't, so I can't. It's nobody's fault, and it's not what I came back for anyway. I did my job, and now the sun's shining, the birds are singing, and all's right with the world again. Can't ask for any more than that."
She still hadn't let go of my arm, and she looked so sad, it made me hurt worse.
"…Will you keep in touch?"
I made myself look her in the eye, and it was tough:
"I'd like to, but you know I can't. Figures, yeah? Finally got to learn firsthand why B's so crazy about you…Sure could use a good friend, but I guess that's not in the cards either. I'm sorry, Willow."
"When are you going to tell her?"
"Easy now, hell even Xander knows I can't say it in a note. Figure on telling her tomorrow, right before I take off. It'll make it a little easier if I just say goodbye and go."
Ow. Swear she's got a grip like a Slayer.
"Maybe you should tell her now and give her some time to…"
"Wouldn't make any diff, least not to her, and it'd just make it tougher on me. Willow, promise me you're not gonna say anything."
"But Faith, she has a right to know that…"
"I haven't asked you for anything since you came to get me, now I'm gonna call in all my markers. I'm asking you not to tell her."
"I just think you should…"
"Red, I'm askin', and I'm thinking you owe me this."
I could see every emotion cross her face as she wrestled with it. I felt bad for her, but I couldn't give in on this one. No way.
"…Okay, I promise I won't say a word. But you're making a mistake."
"Maybe, but it's definitely not my worst. Doubt it's my last either. Anyway, thanks."
"You're thanking me?! I'm considering building a shrine to you."
That made me laugh, partly because it was so ridiculous, and partly because she looked a little serious.
"A shrine, huh? Yeah, sounds reasonable. But hats off to you for coming to get me in the first place, then for knowing how to get me here. B's way lucky to have you."
"And you."
"Guess that explains why my luck's for shit, B's got it all."
She pulled me into a hug, kissing me on the cheek when she did. I felt some tears hit my shoulder and neck, and she could probably say the same.
"I'm going to miss you."
"Ah, you'll get over it in no time. Trust me, I'm not that big a loss."
She looked at me like I was a moron:
"You can stop that. I know you now, and I know just how special you are. I won't ever forget that, Faith."
I almost lost it then, but I hung on:
"……We'll see, yeah? If that shrine gets done, we'll talk."
I couldn't sleep at all that night. The morning finally came rolling along, and it was nothing but normal. We all ate breakfast, then me and B trained, checked the weapons, and kept busy until lunch.
She was in a great mood, joking around with Dawn, irritating Giles like only she can, just being herself. She was also driving me nuts with how beautiful she looked, and I knew right then for sure: I had to leave…I had to.
Xander showed up for lunch and decided to hang around for awhile, I guess to see me off. Everybody ended up together in the front room. B and Dawnie were watching some lame show, Giles was researching who the fuck knows, and Xander and Willow were sitting on the couch just staring at me.
Shit, no way did I wanna do this…
"Hey uh…hey, guys?"
All eyes turned to me, so I just said it:
"I'm leaving for home in about fifteen. My flight's supposed to takeoff in about three hours, and my cab'll be here in a few. I'm not trying to be a jerk, I'm just not much good with goodbyes. Well, guess we all already know that, but anyway that's why I'm just kinda springing it like this."
Nobody said shit, so I kept going:
"Everything's fine here now. The Slayer and her Scoobies are back in the saddle, and I don't gotta worry who's gonna save the world when it needs savin'. Definitely gonna sleep better at night now."
"Faith, are you truly certain you must depart so soon? I was hoping we could go over…"
"G-man, they always say leave'em wantin' more. Dying to give it a try."
"But Faith, you were teaching me how to fight with…"
I went over and gave her a hug, and I couldn't stop myself from ruffling her hair a little.
"Think your sister can more than handle that. `Sides Squirt, much as it kills me to admit it, she always ends up kicking my ass. If you're gonna learn, might as well learn from the best."
They all started talking at once, trying to convince me to stay. It felt good to be wanted and liked by these people, but as much as I was dying to stay, I knew I couldn't.
B still hadn't said a word, and I knew she had stuff to say.
"Hey B, could we talk for a sec?"
We went into the backyard and sat side by side on the bench next to the birdbath.
"So, guess I blindsided ya a little. Sorry, but you know how I am. `Sides, figure this is a big improvement over last time……Anyway, like I said, everything's good now. You're you again, and this ship's got her captain back at the wheel. It's time for me to get going."
"Why?"
"Just is. Got my own life waiting, past time I got back to it."
Her voice came out so soft, I had to strain to hear it:
"You won't stay?"
"Can't, but you're gonna be fine, all of you are. It's just like it should be now, and as glad as I am that I could help out a little…"
"'A little'? Faith, you saved my life."
"Nah, just had a lotta shit dumped on ya, and I happened to have a shovel handy. `Sides, I owed you."
Her answer came out without a pause:
"You didn't owe me anything, and even if you did, I'd say you way overpaid your debt."
"Doubt that, but who the hell knows? Just glad it worked out like it did. Nobody's unconscious, we're both in our own bodies, there's no knives in sight, don't hear any threats gettin' issued…"
That smile I so loved to see, made a surprise appearance.
"We do have quite a history."
"Yeah, so it's nice to leave knowing we're…not sure what to call us. Slayers, patched up enemies, work buddies…Seems like it oughta get clearer as we go, ya know? Point is we don't hate each other, so…"
"We're friends Faith, and it's nice. It's way more than nice."
She meant it, I could see she did, and the warmth I felt had nothing to do with the sun.
"Gotta say, I like the sound of that."
"So do I…God, `thank you' just seems so inadequate."
"Hey, don't gotta thank me, B. Save it for Red, was her who came and got…"
"I am thanking you, whether you want to hear it or not. I can't tell you how grateful I am, what it means to me. There just aren't any words to…Thank you, Faith."
She hugged me then, and I was glad she couldn't see my face. I needed these few moments to pull my shit together, I just loved her so much.
All I wanted was to stay with her, but I couldn't. The good news was the hug just kept going, and it was a hug she really meant. The bad news, `cause of course there's always gotta be some of that, was that I was gonna have to live on it for the rest of my life.
It finally came to an end, and we pulled apart. It made me feel a little better to see she had tears in her eyes, at least I wasn't the only pussy here.
"Guess I'd better haul ass, B."
"I guess."
"Okay, well…"
"You really are unbelievable, Faith."
"Gonna pretend ya mean that as a compliment."
She slugged me in the shoulder, but not too hard.
"Of course it's a compliment, what else could it be? How you were able to get through to me…"
Now it was my turn to have some balls, and I looked her dead in the eye:
"You wanted to stop B, and you did. Just needed a push, is all. Fuck, you're Buffy. You're the strongest person I've ever known, and ya got more guts than anybody's ever had. It's not being The Slayer that makes ya like that, you could be a cashier and you'd be just the same. Spike had ya pegged just right: you are one helluva woman, a real marvel B, and ya got all my…respect forever."
"…Faith…"
"Gotta motor or I'm gonna miss my flight. Take care of yourself, Buffy."
Then I just turned and casually walked away from her. Just went back into the house, did the final goodbyes, grabbed my bag, and hopped into the cab that was waiting. Guy already had the meter running. Whatever.
"Where ya wanna go?"
"Right back into that house. Headin' off to Hell though."
"Huh?"
"Airport."
"You got it."
"Yeah I do, `bout as bad as you can……Fuck."
