Let's Be Friends (Skin to Skin)
Okay, I'm in heaven, which is also way too close to hell sometimes. But then I sort of figured that anyway, so it's kinda nice to have it confirmed. Or not. Fuck if I know.
Me and B are dating, but just behind the scenes. It's not exactly a secret, not after I kissed her on the dance floor in front of everybody, but we're not flaunting it either. B wants to go slow for a bit, which I'm fine with and hey, it's not like I can't do slow. I already proved that…although I still wanna ask her if I can go down on her and stay there forever.
But I'm okay with the sitch, leastways for now. I don't feel like she's shinin' me on or playing games. For her it all kinda came out of nowhere, and the fact that she's been as good with it as she has is a huge fucking bonus. It's definitely thrown her, she's pretty freaked out sometimes, but then other times she's right at home and I can see that she's digging us together.
And I get it, I'm not a crazy jerk like I used to be. There's all kindsa stuff involved and you can't just whitewash it away because you want to. The crap I did back in the day wasn't just some little fucked up shit, it was major and even though we've already dealt with it, it can kinda repeat on ya like when you eat Mexican late at night.
Plus, right or wrong, usual or not, other people are involved. And I'm not gonna be stupid about that either. B comes with a big group and that's just the way it is. We all have things that need dealing with, but the good news is we like each other now and we got a new history to look at 'stead of just a buncha old shit that happened before.
I got no problems with anybody, but I understand me and B might ruffle a few feathers at first. That's cool, they're lookin' out for their girl, making sure that things go as good as they can. And the best is: I know they're kinda looking out for me too. I'm not feeling like I'm an outsider or like the past however many years didn't mean squat to'em. They care about me, a lot, but I can see how they might think the new sitch is a little scary anyway.
Buffy and me, well we're not exactly calm and peaceful together, but we learned how to make it work. We've become really good friends and everybody's used to that…but this isn't about just being pals anymore. It's about being lovers, and that's always a big clusterfuck for everybody no matter who they are.
Being B's friend is great, it's been the best thing ever, and I still need that part of her. But being lovers is all about…Well, it's all about something else and the screwing, of course. The point is I don't exactly know what it's all about, I've never been anybody's lover before, but I figure between us, me and B got all the angles covered.
I thought maybe the night of the dance was gonna be it, but she wasn't ready. That was okay with me, I figured it was normal and besides, just knowing it was maybe really gonna happen was enough for me. Waiting didn't even seem hard. I've been wanting her for years, I'd even given up all hope, so a few more days or weeks of waiting were nothing to me.
So we said our goodnights and I went to bed happy, only to get way, way happier as I slept. I had a dream and I knew right away B was sharing it with me. Of course she freaked out about it the next day and I didn't blame her a bit. That shit was wicked hot, so I gave her some space. I left her alone for a whole day, but no way could I let her run with it too long. We finally sat down and hashed it out over breakfast and came up with our plan. Just like that, me and B were officially dating.
It hasn't been too hard, even though I've never done it before. I just do the same things I've always done, but now I can show her at least some of how I feel about her. I can hold her hand and kiss her whenever I want as long as nobody else is around. And since we've been spending huge chunks of time at my place or hers, we get a lot of alone time.
I still bring her stuff she likes just like always, but now I can add flowers to the mix. I felt kinda stupid about it, I've never got anybody flowers before. But the first time I gave her one she was so freakin' happy, it took all the bad out of it for me. I can't wait to give'em to her now and it's always the same great reaction from her.
Red roses are classics, everybody knows those are the king flowers of romance, but one day I was picking up some groceries and I spotted these yellow guys. I didn't know what kind they were, but they were kinda quirky, but classy too. They also looked wicked strong and they were flat-out beautiful, just like Buffy. Turned out they were her faves, daffodils, so talk about gettin' lucky.
Speaking of, we fool around every chance we get. B was a little nervous at first, but she got over it pretty fast and made herself comfortable. Hell, I was a little nervous myself at the start just 'cause it's B and the whole sitch is a fucking crazy dream come true. I've been making it happen right outta nowhere, but I'm in a groove now, plus sex stuff's right in my wheelhouse at any time. I'm hittin' all the cylinders, hers and mine, and we're working it just fine.
I'm taking it slow and steady. She said she needs some time and I'm happy to give it to her, and I really mean that. The fact that I can be with her at all, well I'm making out pretty good on the deal, way better than I ever hoped for. Because Buffy? She can really kiss and she always smells so good.
Anyway, I'm all about the slow and steady, bringing something new only when it seems like she's ready to move up another notch. She never pulls away, never tells me to lay off or stop, so I'm pretty happy and feeling all kindsa proud of myself. Turns out I'm a lot more skilled at this seduction thing than I ever gave myself credit for. It's been pretty easy right from the get go, aside from having to not respond to Buffy's bitchy comments when I first got started.
She didn't know what the fuck was going on and I was making her edgy, so she tried to pick a fight practically every time we saw each other. I never took the bait, I just ignored her and kept my cool. By being mature like that, I got us where we're at today.
I'm getting plenty of touch and I'm not turning her off or making her feel like I'm disrespecting her either. I'd never disrespect B and I think she knows that now for sure, which is nothing but a good thing. I'm handling everything just perfect.
Hell, I didn't even blow my cool like I woulda in the old days when Willow cornered me in Giles' office. It was a few days after the dancing and kissing night, and we all knew there was no way in the world that Willow was not gonna be looking to talk to me about what went down. I avoided her for as long as I could without it being too suspicious, then I braced myself to take my lumps.
I started off by telling her I didn't kiss B, that maybe she just hallucinated the whole thing. I said it with such a straight face, she started listing out demons that can fuck with your mind. I finally caved because what a geek she is, and me and B had already nailed down our cover story for this exact moment.
"Red, I'm just fucking with you. Yeah, I kissed B, but it was on a dare. We were goofin' around, is all."
"Really? Because it didn't look like…"
"That's 'cause we saw you and Xander watching, so we played it up. No big."
She was nodding, clearly not buying a word I said.
"It's none of my business, I know that. And you and I are friends and I love you, you know that."
I felt like a million bucks when she said that, so I had to make a joke:
"So you sayin' I gotta kiss you now?"
She laughed and punched my shoulder.
"You wish. No, what I'm saying is I don't want either of you getting hurt."
"With ya there."
"I know you are, so we'll just say it was a joke and let it go for now."
"Great. Thanks, Willow."
She hugged me and that was it…until Xander showed up a few hours later when I was working out.
He grabbed the bag and I started punching harder. The only sound in the room for a couple of minutes was us grunting.
"Will says we're all pretending."
"That works for me. Wanna go get lunch and play a little pool?"
He peeked around the bag, a big grin on his face:
"Sure, I'll be happy to pretend about that too if you want."
I fake punched him dead center on his forehead and smiled back at him:
"Gimme ten to clean up."
G-Man's never said shit to me or B, so either he's pretending with every ounce of English in him or he somehow missed it.
That just left Squirt when it comes to people who matter, and she went all short and sweet with it. There was a knock on my door about an hour before patrol, I opened it, and she just stood there looking me up and down. Finally she rolled her eyes and said:
Then she just walked away.
So that was it. The Scoobies were reined in for now, gossip was flying hot and heavy with Andy and the Potentials, and it was just me and B trying to make a go of it. It took a lot of the pressure off, not that there wasn't already plenty anyways. I mean, I'm trying to seduce B, and not just for a roll in the sack. I'm looking long term here, but it's not like I can tell her I love her. It's way too early for that kinda thing.
We're trying to ease into something that's never been easy, so there's no sense in blurting out complicated shit to her. We just got the gang backed off, we don't need me turning up the heat on us. It's just gonna take time and that's fine.
'Sides, it's not like a huge hardship. B's been treating me great just like always, but now there's a whole new deal to it too. She's just more there, is the best way to explain it. She's into me, always looking for me, and not happy when I can't come over. But not in a creepy clingy way, more like in a cool girlfriend way.
I can't really pinpoint it because she's basically the same with me. She still DVRs the shows I like and I always go to her place to watch'em. She still cooks for me and sometimes she tries to make this roast dinner deal. I told her a long time ago that my mom actually made us a real spread once and that it's probably my best childhood memory. B's been trying to get it just right for me since then, and I can always tell when she's trying to cook it. Her face looks like she's out on patrol `stead of standing in her own kitchen.
She still orders me pizza all the time, keeps buying me Snickers bars by the box so there's always some at her place, and she stocks her fridge with all the stuff I like. She still gets the orange juice I like best, even though she thinks it sucks. She just knows without asking when my bum shoulder's sore and she massages Ben-Gay into it for me. And yeah, since I was thirteen, although it'd be more accurate to say: "Ben-Bi".
B's always taking care of me, making me feel welcome. I guess the only difference now, and it's a big one, is that she kisses me, touches me, sometimes gives me a look like I've never gotten from her before. She still blushes and gets flustered around me, but now I barely have to do anything to get that kinda reaction from her. Also, there's no bozo breathing down my neck to take her away from me. She's not even looking at anybody else.
I guess when it comes right down to it, we're just the same with each other, only it's more intense and involved. Or maybe it's the promise of what's coming, how we're gonna go way further with each other than ever before. Because that's practically burning in the spaces between us and those spaces are getting smaller all the time.
Even though it's been easy waiting for her, it's getting tougher. She's right there with her skin so soft, her hair all silky, her beautiful eyes so big I could get lost in them. I know it sounds sappy, but everything is in her eyes. I wanna lean over and take the plunge, find out who I am, who she is, who we are. I wanna stare into them all happy and safe until I'm old and grey, knowing that there will never be anything better in my life no matter how good it gets.
And she kisses the best ever. She touches all unsure and then that's gone when she remembers it's just me. Her tongue swirls so perfect on the roof of my mouth that I have to fight not to take her right there. B smells good all the time, but up close it makes me shake and wish I could just slide into her.
We hold hands, she lets me touch her, play with her, and I'm thinking on our next make-out session I'm getting her out of her bra. Because those tits feel so amazing through her clothes, I can't imagine how it's gonna be when it's skin to skin. I wanna know.
She makes these little noises when I play with her nipples, and they get so hard I always expect them to spring right through her bra and shirt. Nipples like B's are something you have to feel to believe. I think they're Original Slayer nipples – one of a kind. Whatever the fuck they are, I wanna touch them, feel them, suck and bite'em.
And that right there is my current problem: I'm starting to crack. I'm not kidding about taking this at B's pace, she deserves that, and it's been a great three weeks. In fact, it's been the best time of my whole life, and I don't have any complaints about any of it. Me and B haven't been wasting time, we've been getting closer and closer, plus we've been groping and fondling and kissing and rubbing too. But I'm talking emotional wise, person to person. We've been doing something important, I can feel it.
It's like we knew each other so good, but now it's going deeper. I feel her on a different level than I did, and somehow it makes me want to get even closer to her. Before this got started, we knew each other inside and out, for sure, but this is…it's just deeper somehow, and I know she can see me a lot easier.
B's smart as hell and I also know she's figured some shit out, like how I've got feelings for her. I'm cool with that and when it comes time to share, I will. I'll tell her whatever she wants to know about me, but that's for later. Right now my girl's gotta be eased into this, and cool, ease away. But fuck, it's hard.
Just the way her breath hits my neck or the way her nipple brushes up against mine or the way she pulls on my hair like she has to hold on for dear life…I love how she wraps around me, the way she moves without even knowing she is. Her arms have this blonde hair on them and it makes me zoom right to "come ready" whenever I feel it sliding against my skin.
She says my name like I'm special, kind of breathes it out like it's gonna be her last word when she leaves this world. I shiver and shake when she sighs against my mouth or when her lips kiss along my throat. And her tongue and the way she handles it…She actually made me come once, but she doesn't know about it.
She'd been all careful and unsure up 'til then whenever we kissed, but I wanted to move things along. I began playing with her, trying to get her to be more active because one thing I'd bet my life on: Buffy Summers can be a fucking wild woman in the sack. I don't have any doubt about that because it's in everything she does, it's in the way she fuckin' moves. She's so passionate about stuff, she's got a temper she can let loose of at any time, and she's got a mean streak that's a mile wide. All I got to say about that is: "Yeah, I definitely want some."
So anyway, I'm teasing her and just like that, B came out to play. It started slow, but then her tongue was right with mine, so I kept going. Next thing you know, we're two Slayers dukin' it out. All too fast I'm fightin' for my life, kissing wise, and B's going in for the kill.
She wouldn't back down and eventually she topped me with her tongue. She just took control, kinda rose up over me, jerked my head rough by my hair, and took the fuck over. My neck was back against the couch and B was on her knees straddling me. She had a hand on either side of my face to keep me right where I was, and there was no doubt about who was in charge.
I came right then while she showed me what she could do, but I don't think B noticed. She just kept going, letting me know she wasn't gonna be a follower her whole life. I tried to move, but nope. B's the Slayer and if she tells you you're gonna stay, you're gonna stay. As far as turn-ons went, that was the biggest one I've ever had, and I stayed right where she put me, yes ma'am.
She had her way with my mouth, then pulled back and took my bottom lip with her. It didn't hurt bad, more like the kinda hurt that makes you wince and groan, and the kind that makes me shiver a little and want more. When she finally let go, she kissed my lip real delicate. Her eyes were looking at mine the whole time, although up that close she was kinda just a sexy, blonde blur. Her tongue traced along my lip as I just kept sitting there breathing hard.
"You can't always be in charge, F."
Right, no, of course no. I can't know something…me, not me, always not. I can…not take…charge of…Huh? I didn't have any idea where the fuck I was or what I was thinking for probably around ten minutes. By the time I snapped back to where the hell I really was, me and B were snuggled up on the couch.
She was leaning into me, my arm wrapped around her while her head rested on my chest and her legs were sort of folded to the side of her. We were watching TV, least she was anyways. I didn't have the first fucking clue what was on, I could barely remember our names at that point.
I wanted a beer so bad, but I didn't trust myself to stand. So what happened? B grabbed the remote, hit pause, and without a word went and got me a beer. She just walked back in, twisted the top off my Sam Adams, took a tiny sip and handed it to me. Then she resumed the position and unpaused the show.
I want this girl so bad, but I'm gonna go slow, even if it kills me. Yep, Heaven and Hell, rockin' it side by side. And I feel myself smiling because they both work just fine for me.
I been watchin' you a long time
We been movin' down that same line
Don't know when this chance might come again
Don't know when this chance might come again
Baby let's be friends
I know that we're different you and me
Time has come to let the past be history
Don't know when this chance might come again
Don't know when this chance might come again
Baby let's be friends
Baby let's be friends
Baby let's be friends
There's a lot of talk goin' `round now
There's a lot of walls need tearin' down
Don't know when this chance might come again
Don't know when this chance might come again
Baby let's be friends
-Let's Be Friends (Skin to Skin) - Bruce Springsteen
Oh my God.
Okay, I think something…I mean, thinking is something I can do…What?
I stretch again, one of those full body ones where it feels so good, and then I snuggle back into the messiest bed I've ever been in. The bottom sheet keeps threatening to come off the mattress, the top one's sideways and on the ripped blanket that's mostly covering me. Two pillows are on the floor, another's under my head, and the last one is lying calmly next to me with a few pieces of its stuffing on top of the headboard. It's an impressive feat since the headboard is pretty crooked and has a medium-sized chunk torn off of it on the passenger side…which is my side.
I'm all alone and the sun is out all bright and sunny. My curtains block most of it, but there's this beautiful little beam shining on the driver's side of the bed…which is her side. And I stare at it because it doesn't take much effort at all for me to see her there all lit up like some goddess of lit-upness. I'd better stretch again.
The most interesting thing I've noticed so far this morning is that I have no bones in my body. My arms flop around, my head just lays on my pillow, and I know my legs couldn't hold me up if I paid them to. Not that I'm planning on ever getting up again, I'm just taking stock, making notes. Mental ones, not like the perfect one she left me on her side of the bed…the driver's side.
Had to run some classes. G-Man wouldn't let it slide.
See you tonight, yeah?
"Yeah" in every possible way. "Yeah" as in I'll be right here when you get back. "Yeah" meaning "yeah", you will see me. Tonight. "Yeah". A thousand times "yeah".
I love the song I hear playing, then I realize it's me humming. I'm humming some happy song I just made up because I'm happy. My face feels weird because I'm also smiling while I'm humming, and I'm kind of proud since that's not easy to do. Plus I'm right in rhythm, right on the beat. Okay, yes, I don't know what beat exactly, but there seems to be a pulsing between my legs and it's definitely got a beat.
I had sex with Faith last night and here in the glorious morning after, I am basking all over the place – happy, satisfied, boneless, content, lazy, happy, satisfied, and blown away. What we did, what she did…I don't know what I've been doing all of these years, I don't know what everybody else has been doing all of these years, but I do know that none of us have been doing it like that. And certainly not when we're with me.
I loved Angel so much and…um…he got me ready just great, but then he finished a little too soon. I don't blame him because he hadn't had sex in about a hundred years, so his control was a little on the lacking side. He was embarrassed, but I told him we had all the time in the world and that I just wanted to cuddle. And we did – cuddle, not have all the time in the world.
Parker was next and don't make me laugh. He couldn't have cared less about me, if I got there. The only thing on his mind was making sure hegot there, and in retrospect, I realize I could have been anyone, maybe even an inanimate object. Or a barnyard animal.
Then Riley showed up, and he was so sweet, so tender, and so absolutely the man a "normal" Buffy would have happily lived out the rest of her life with. He wanted nothing more than to make me feel good and he did in a lot of ways, but it was never exactly earthshaking. Well, maybe it was for him and I certainly appreciated the effort he always made, but there was something pretty big missing. And no, I don't mean that.
Spike and I reached several peaks with each other, but it never really made me feel good. There was just too much guilt and fear, and while that sort of thing brings its own hotness to an affair, it also made sex weird and not all that pleasurable. I was too messed up, too depressed, and eventually I stopped feeling anything at all when I was with him…which had been the whole point of the relationship in the first place. Plus vampires? Ice cold.
The problem I've had with every guy since Spike is that no matter how hard I try to make it clear it has nothing to do with their skills, they all think it does anyway. I explain it's different for me because I'm different, although truthfully some of them couldn't satisfy even a normal woman, let alone a Slayer. Combine that pressure with the fact that I never need help opening a jar, apparently the worst insult ever to the male ego, well, it's "Testosterone Dummies on Parade" way more than I'd like.
But I've learned to play the game, at least the one I can play. A few noises at the right time, the strategic use of some perfectly placed Slayer muscles, and everybody's happy. We cuddle and then when my partner falls asleep, I either sneak out for some much needed slaying or I just take care of myself in the bathroom. That makes everything a lot easier for everyone, but I absolutely refuse to pretend I can't open a jar of mayonnaise. Even I've got limits.
But it turns out that sex isn't supposed to be like that. Nope, not even close. And I need to stretch and smile and hum and pulsate bonelessly again. And repeat that move over and over as I smile so hard my face hurts.
I had sex with Faith last night for the first time ever, and I want to do it again. In fact, I think we should enter one of those dance marathons like they did in the old days, but with sex instead. We'll be Couple #69 and we'll win hands down.
For awhile it seemed like we weren't ever going to do it because things were a little tense at first. I definitely wanted her, I'd admitted that and I wasn't trying to hide it. But I did want to keep a little bit of dignity if I could and I was also scared – of her being her, of me being me, of us being us and maybe doing something that would ruin our friendship. That's right: just give me some time and enough rope, and I can tie myself into knots better than anyone.
The sex part of it was kind of nerve wracking too, but not really that big of a deal in one way. I've certainly had enough sex in my life to understand how it works, but of course I'd never had it with another woman before. On the other hand, I'd been fantasizing about having sex with Faith on and off for years, so the idea wasn't totally shocking.
I knew it was going to be different in real life, so yes, I was a little anxious about the actual specifics. But I was a lot less nervous than a lot of people would expect me to be. Besides, it's Faith. I knew she'd be happy to teach me whatever I needed to know, and I've always been a fast learner.
As for how it made me feel personally, I didn't really care if it was officially going to make me a lesbian or a bisexual or some other "something different". I don't really care how I'm labeled, I got over that a long time ago. California cheerleader, delinquent daughter, Sunnydale High weirdo, The Slayer, that's me. Adding "Faith's lover" to the list? Yep, it's still me, and I'm just fine with all of that.
Besides, the truth of it is: I've always been gay for Faith. I had the hots for her right from the start, and I don't see how that makes me any different from anybody else who's ever seen her. She's Faith, and that's the only explanation that makes any sense.
That night after our dance, we went our separate ways, which I don't think is exactly what either of us was expecting. Faith took me home, there was more kissing that led right into groping, rubbing, and squeezing, and then I pulled away.
She let me step back, but she didn't let go of me completely.
"Where ya goin'?"
"I don't know exactly. I just know when you kiss me, I can't think."
Her smile just made me…something.
"Sounds good to me."
"It sounds perfect, but I want to think. I need to think, Faith, at least at the beginning. This is…it's important."
Her smile stayed right where it was, but now she was shy.
"Of course it is. I'd just like to slow down a little, make sure we do it right."
"Trust me, B – we're gonna do it so right, we could give lessons."
"Wow. Okay, yes. You go away now."
She tugged me right up against her and kissed me again. Her tongue teased mine and all I could think about was how Faith was the best kisser ever.
"Night, B. I'll see ya tomorrow."
"See you tomorrow…whatever your name is."
She laughed as she walked to her room, and I stood staring after her as she disappeared behind the closed door. I don't know how long it took before I remembered to go inside my own room.
I couldn't sleep, big surprise there, so I eventually got up and got a bowl of Frosted Flakes. Tony the Tiger always comes through for me, except that night he acted more like a pepperoni pizza instead of a cute, harmless bowl of cereal. I went back to bed hoping to have the restful sleep of the pure and the just, and instead I had the most graphic, realistic sex dream I've ever had.
I woke up in a sweat, my body still tingling, and I couldn't get back to sleep until it was almost time to get up. I was late for the Staff meeting, but Faith wasn't. She was sitting in her favorite chair, the one slightly off to the side of Giles' desk. Her leg was flung casually over one of the arms and the instant our eyes met, I knew.
It hadn't been just a regular "Buffy" dream, no such luck. It had been a Slayer dream, and one obviously shared by the Slayer who looked like she wanted to do all of those things to me right where I stood. I blushed so deeply, even Giles noticed and thankfully misunderstood:
"Good Lord, Buffy, sit down! I thought we'd agreed that this abysmal heat wave ruled out your taking the new girls for a run, even so early in…"
I tuned him out. Faith was no longer looking at me, but the grin on her face was so irritating and intimate, I felt my body responding to her.
"…outgrown this sort of defiance. Here, drink this water slowly. We don't need you in the infirmary again simply because…"
"Giles, I don't need cold water. I'm…"
"Look wicked hot, B. Better cool off like G-Man says."
I wanted to slap her at least twice and then do all kinds of other stuff to her. Instead I took the glass from Giles and sat down. She smirked the entire time and I became angrier as the minutes plodded by. It didn't help that it was the longest meeting ever and when it finally ended, I ran like a girl.
I successfully avoided her all afternoon, evening, and patrol. I stayed in my suite and cleaned everything, my mind occupied with nothing more important than wondering why all of the best kitchen cleaners were lemon scented. By bedtime the place was sparkling clean and lemonized to within an inch of its life.
I turned off the kitchen lights and went to check the locks on the door for probably the five hundredth time since I'd begun hiding. I immediately saw the folded piece of paper that had been slid underneath the door and I snatched it up, already reading as I stood.
"Sweet dreams, B."
I laughed even though it pissed me off, and I flung the door open because I was in a sudden rush to tell her that she wasn't bothering me. I could be cool too, and I was nothing but calm as I hurried out the door like a crazy woman to prove it.
My rushing stopped just a few steps after I'd started when I noticed I wasn't alone. Faith was leaning casually against the wall next to my door, her arms crossed over her chest. She looked like she had nothing better to do than stand in the hallway all sexy and amused.
"Lookin' for me, B?"
She was so cocky my urge to slap her roared back, but I refused to let her see how rattled I was.
"You sure? 'Cause it really looks like…"
"Well, I'm not."
"You're not sure or you're not looking?"
"Neither. Both. Whatever, Faith."
She pushed off the wall and walked over to me.
"My mistake then. Guess I'll let you get back to whatever you were doin'."
My voice came out way louder than I wanted it to:
"I was going to sleep!"
"In the hall? Know you got a cozy bed for two in your…"
"Fuck you, Faith."
I whirled around and went back into my room, her laughter in my ears and on my skin and inside some very personal places. As I slammed the door, I heard her final smart ass comment:
"See ya in a few, B."
But she didn't because I stayed awake all night. It was stupid, but I was all flustered and freaked out and making absolutely no sense. At 6:45a.m. there was a knock on my door. I opened it to find Faith holding a brown bag from "Petey's" as well as two huge coffees.
She strode in just like she always did.
She thrust one of the coffees at me and headed into the kitchen. I heard the cupboard open, then she came back holding a large plate piled high with pastries. She was sipping her own life sustaining drink when she almost literally put the food on the coffee table. She corrected the tilt in time and collapsed down onto the couch.
She grabbed one of the blueberry muffins and took a gigantic bite. If I hadn't had so much practice with this scenario over the years, I wouldn't have been able to understand her. As it was, I had not the slightest bit of trouble:
"Mmm…fuck that's good. Dig in, Princess, They're still warm."
I sat down next to her and took one of the apple fritters I loved. It was delicious and I devoured it quickly, then took another. We ate in silence until there was nothing left, and then Faith let out a satisfied sigh.
"Fuck, those things are so good, they oughta sell'em."
I laughed and put down my empty coffee as she gave me her still half full cup. She pulled a throw pillow from behind her and placed it on her lap, and for the first time since this had all started, she actually looked nervous.
"So, B, I was thinking we gotta talk."
"Well, yeah. I mean, a dream like that…"
Great, my old stalling tactic of repeating things as a question had decided to spring into action.
"…isn't exactly run of the mill."
"Run of the mill?"
"B, could you stop with the echo?"
I almost said "echo", but I managed to control myself. Clearly I needed to be mature and at least pretend to be a grown-up. We had a situation, and it was a situation I was basically happy with…except that I was acting like a moron. We needed to figure out what everything meant and what we were doing. Plus I definitely did not want to spend another day cleaning because it was so not my idea of fun, and...I realized she was waiting for me to speak:
"Sorry. I think we need to talk too."
"Great. So who goes first?"
I said it hopefully, but Faith's expression was like I'd just said I loved newbie patrol.
"No, think you have to."
"Why me? You're the one…"
She was shaking her head:
"'Scuse me – was you who made us have that dream, then hid out all day and got pissed at me when I came by to talk after patrol."
"Me? I didn't make us dream that!"
"Well, it sure as hell wasn't me."
"Yes it was! I don't even know how to do some of those things, so it was clearly all you and…"
She kissed me then, and I shut up. I melted right into her, my body fitting perfectly snug against hers. It went on for a while, and she was the one who eased back.
"Look B, I'll go first if that's what you need, okay? It's just that I've never talked shit over with anybody before, you know? I'm all fuck and go, so this isn't really my kinda…"
I kissed her this time, cutting off her explanation. God, she really was so nice to me. No wonder I wanted to fuck her brains right out of her head.
We made out for a long time and it felt like such a relief. Just to touch her, smell her, taste her, and hear those little sounds of pleasure and want she made. It was like a tiny slice of heaven, and we had to stop…again.
"Okay, okay…Faith, stop for a sec."
She mumbled that into my neck, her teeth latching on and her tongue swirling softly enough to make me question my stupid decision to focus on the talking.
"Could fuckin' eat you…top to bottom."
I jumped because she nipped my throat at the same time her hands dropped to my butt and pulled me closer.
"Certain circles, yeah."
I was desperate, fading fast, so I decided to jerk her back by her hair. My fingers betrayed me at the first touch, threading their way through the silky, sexy, thicky…
"I can't…Faith, I can't…think…please…"
She let go of me and stood up, an abrupt action that almost dumped me on the floor. She ran her hand through her hair making me jealous, and blew out a long breath.
"Man, you're like crack, but worse. Slayer crack."
"I understand, but we need…"
"Yeah, I know – to talk. Okay, stay there."
She pulled the chair up next to the couch until it was facing me and then sat down.
We talked, and just like that Faith and I began dating. Like daters. And despite the fact that I'm still sort of freaked out by the idea of it, the action of it is so amazingly great. I can't remember the last time I've felt so…so…everything.
I'm happy all the time, even when I'm angry or scared or confused. It's like no matter what else is going on, I have this wonderful thing to look forward to. Everything else has just sort of been sliding off my back and now thoughts of sliding make me think of how soft and smooth Faith's skin is on mine and…Cue the drool and other things.
We both wanted to keep it kind of private, me more than Faith, but she wasn't upset about hiding it. We each had our suspicions that even though she was a full-fledged Scooby Gang member, us being together might stir up some bad memories and maybe even raise a few old fears to the surface. Neither of us wanted to deal with that just yet, especially not when we weren't even sure what we were doing.
Faith summed it up perfectly:
"Be plenty of time later for the peanut gallery to chip in. Let's just be me and you first."
So we downplayed everything and told the witnesses that she'd just kissed me on a dare. Although they didn't seem all that convinced, they let it go without too much of an interrogation. They all like Faith and I think maybe they understood that if something really was happening, it was probably in everyone's best interest to give us some space without adding any more pressure than we already had.
The worst that happened was that Willow gave me a talking to, "Willow" style. She told me to be careful since Faith seemed to be, as she put it: "a great girl despite being so totally non-monogamous, at least in the past, and I'm not making any judgments because there's nothing wrong with seeing lots of people only once if that's what you want to do and you're careful and not hurting anyone or yourself." It irritated me a little, but I understood that she was simply performing her best friend duties. She didn't want me to get hurt, and how could I blame her for that?
So with that hurdle and a couple of our own cleared, Faith and I began dating. We still did all of the normal "friend" things we'd always done, but now there was the dating stuff mixed in with it too. Faith wooed me and she was a master at it. She'd knock on my door, then like a magician she'd pull a rose out from underneath her jacket. She'd have a bottle of my favorite wine hidden tightly against her side or a half gallon of Rocky Road in the bag behind her back, and the second the door was closed, she would kiss me like nobody's business.
She ate whatever I cooked and just like always, she pretended it was good. We shared meals with no change from how it'd been for years, except now her hand often found mine across the table and she always pulled my chair out for me when we sat down to eat. She still brought over a large grocery bag once a week, stuffed with everything she needed to make her famous "Chosen Two Chili", but now the bag also included a bouquet of daffodils…my favorites.
Last night had been our three week anniversary. We'd stayed in because it was raining like crazy out, and neither of us felt like patrolling when we knew the bad guys were staying home as well. Instead we snuggled in on my couch and watched TV.
I don't have a clue what was on, we spent almost the entire time making out. We started off slow, just kisses and maybe a little groping here and there, but it didn't take long for me to get all revved up. Faith kept it slow though, like we had forever. She didn't pressure me and I didn't feel weird or nervous, everything just seemed natural. Then my top was off and one of her hands was fiddling with the clasp of my bra, which seemed nothing but good.
She was still fully clothed, another thing that seemed perfectly normal as her hand left the back of my bra and slid smoothly up to the front. It cupped my breast and squeezed while her other hand found its companion and began stroking so lightly it was like she was barely even there. Every time her fingertips brushed across my nipple, I inhaled and thrust up towards her. Her tongue was still busy exploring my mouth, twirling around and darting in and out like it was where she belonged.
When she tried to pull back, I tightened my hold on her hair and wouldn't let her go. She winced and made this noise that sounded like she was in pain, but I didn't care. I knew she wasn't in agony and I didn't want her leaving before I got the chance to do some things to her too.
I tried to regain the connection our mouths were so obviously made for, but she kept dodging me.
Her hands left my breasts, grabbing my arms and pulling me away from her. I made a whine of protest, I actually heard myself and I should have been embarrassed, but I didn't care. If I'd have been standing, I so would have stamped my foot at the interruption.
It got worse. She ignored me and stood up, slipping into her jacket and crazily putting more clothes in my way.
"Guess I should get goin'. Had a good time tonight, B."
I stood up too, aware that my bra was uneven and that one of my nipples was on display beneath its cup.
"Yeah, food was great."
"The best. Remind me to keep a closer eye on my pizza next time."
She was moving, headed for the door for some reason I couldn't quite figure out.
"Too bad, Blondie. You snooze, you lose at least two slices."
I laughed as I followed her to the door. What in the hell was going on? Why were we talking about pizza? Where was she going?
We stood where we were, her facing the closed door and me facing her. Somehow the air had become electric, just like it sometimes did between us, but this time it was way more intense. It wasn't scary though, it was comforting and familiar somehow.
I didn't say anything, I didn't know what to say. Her grip tightened on the doorknob, her other hand ready to turn the deadbolt and make her escape.
"I have to go or I'm…I can't…"
I pressed against her from behind, my hands on hers as I slowly pulled them away from the door.
"Don't go, Faith. Stay with me."
She turned then and I could see everything on her face, in her eyes.
"B, if you're still not ready…"
I kissed her and guided her hands back to my body. It didn't take much effort on my part, Faith was more than happy with the change. We kissed violently, our lips grinding, our teeth bumping and it felt so good. I slid my hands under her jacket and pushed it down her arms. It hung between us awkwardly until I forced her to let go of me. It hit the floor and she stumbled over it as her hands ripped my bra in two.
There was half a bra hooked over each of my shoulders, and I quickly lowered my arms to shake free. Faith made this noise like a groan and just took charge. She led me backwards into my bedroom, her hands filled with my breasts as she kissed me. I only knew we'd made it to the bed when I felt the mattress bumping against the back of my knees.
I was completely fixated on the way her shoulder muscles flexed and relaxed as my touch changed, and how she shivered every time my nails raked lightly down her back. I kept experimenting, but it didn't last nearly as long as I wanted it to.
We fell onto the bed, but it was like we did it in slow motion. She never stopped kissing me and I started trying to shove her shirt off without breaking away from her. She didn't seem all that interested, but before I knew it and with no assistance from me, we were both naked. She kissed me hard as our bodies slid and fit against each other, and I'd never felt anything that good in my whole life.
She was so strong and so warm; the heat just pouring off of her, especially between her legs. I felt my own answering fire flare up as she kissed down my body slowly, her teeth latching on in spots, her tongue licking up the sweat it found. She made it down to just below my navel and a tremor went through her, a big one. Before I could ask, she was back and we were face to face.
She looked wild, wilder than I'd ever seen her before, and that's saying a lot. Her eyes were bright and alive, she seemed almost out of control. I should have been scared, but I wasn't scared. Instead I felt at home because somehow, to me, Faith looked just like she was supposed to. It was like I was finally seeing the real her for the first time, and I loved the view.
I think she thought she was scaring me, or maybe she just thought I was nervous because the moment had finally arrived. Whatever the cause, she slowed and smiled, a friendly smile, and she gently pushed some damp hair back from my face with a shaky hand.
"B, I promise I won't do anything you don't want me to."
I couldn't speak; that had to be the sexiest thing I'd ever heard in my whole life, but she misunderstood my silence.
"Buffy, if you don't wanna do this, it's okay. I'm not gonna be upset, I swear. If you wanna stop…"
I pulled her head down so I could let my lips do the talking and I wrapped my legs around her thighs. I felt her smile into the kiss and then Faith and I had sex.
It was like…like something wild and good, and messy and dirty. It was everything and nothing I'd ever experienced before. She went everywhere, like my body was her playground, and I learned that every spot on me was designed to bring me pleasure. My skin was on fire – tingling, burning, aching for her touch. I came fast and crazy, like: "Call Somebody Because Buffy is Going Insane" came, and then I came again.
I can't even guess how many times I got there, I lost count early in the festivities. Or maybe I only came once and it lasted for hours, who knows? What I do know is that Faith Lehane fucked me up one side and down the other, spun me in a circle, and did it all again and again. She was better than every lover I've ever had combined, and she made them all look like pretenders who didn't have the first clue.
The best thing of all, besides the ten thousand orgasms of orgasmic orgasming, was how she made sure we stayed in step. She waited for me when she needed to, drove me on when I thought I was done, and always we were together. By the time it was all over, I couldn't have moved if everyone's life had depended on it. I have never been so satisfied, so spent, so perfectly partnered with anyone. I think I actually passed out twice.
It turns out that sex isn't just about being close with someone. It's not some sneaky action in the bathroom to protect a fragile ego, it's not about slaying, and it's not about just going through the motions. Sex is an all-consuming pleasure fest of pleasure. It's surrender and it's passion, it's want and need and lust and anger and violence and tenderness and fingers in new places. It's tongues where they've never been before and God, don't even get me started on what tongues can do. Because tongues? I will bow and kneel to tongues for the rest of my life.
What sex is is your body wide open, shaking, quivering, thrusting uncontrollably, being led on a wild search for satisfaction. Sex is painfully rough hands demanding, then turning tender and soothing as they tease out a response. Sex is knees that fit so snug and rub just right, legs that tangle and parts that meet and make you strive to reach the same high together.
It's words, dirty and nasty words that let me know exactly what she was doing to me, what she was going to do to me. And it's words, the most beautiful words I've ever heard telling me how amazing I am, how perfect, how beautiful. Sex is a broad overview broken down into the parts of my sum:
"Fuck, you taste so good…don't ever wanna stop."
"Your skin's so soft, smooth…could touch you forever."
"Your eyes, B…they're like whole worlds."
She praised everything about me, soothed me, dared me, whispered words of encouragement, affection, and awe:
"You're so beautiful, don't hold back. Let me see you, let me feel you. Give me everything you've got, Buffy. Let it go, I want it all."
And she really did, so I gave it to her. I unleashed my power, everything that's in me, and Faith dove in and took it. Every ounce I had, everything I was, she took it all without flinching and she stayed right with me all of the way.
She's so strong, Slayer strong, and she handled me like only she can. She forced me into positions and held me in ways no one else ever could. Her touches were everywhere on the scale from rough to gentle, and she made me be still, made me move, made me hers until the pleasure overwhelmed me again and again.
When it was finally over, I was wrapped in her arms. I was only vaguely aware of that, I was way too drained to claim any sort of conscious consciousness. But I did feel her lips kissing the top of my head and her hand rubbing soothingly against my back. I definitely remember the warm feeling of her skin against my cheek, breasts, stomach, and leg as I draped myself on and against her.
Then it was all just warmth and darkness and the most restful sleep I've had in forever. When I woke up, I should have freaked. She wasn't there which had to mean she used me or she went all evil, but no, she hadn't done either of those things. Her perfect note explained it all, and I would have hated Giles for being such a taskmaster if I wasn't all sexed up and in love with the whole wide world.
Time to stretch again and wallow. The dust is floating around in the shaft of sunlight that's just beaming in from the window. It's so pretty, like fairy dust or sparkly…somethings. It's so magical, I wonder why I've never noticed it before.
I roll over and bury my face in her side of the bed and inhale deeply. Wow, who knew I could pulse and beat even deeper and faster? The bed smells like Faith, all sexy and masterful and capable of giving me an orgasm any time she feels like it. And her side is all warm, just like her…just like a driver's side should be with the sun beating down on it.
Faith and I had sex last night.
Oh my God.
If there's a cure for this
If there's a remedy
Think about it all the time
`Cause I love you
I've got the sweetest hangover
I don't wanna get over
I don't wanna get…over
Ooh, I don't need no cure
I don't need no cure
Sweet sweet love
Sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet love
Don't call my doctor
Don't call no preacher
Don't want it
Sweet love, I love you
If there's a cure for this
I don't want it no, no I don't want it
I don't need it
Sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet love hangover
-Love Hangover - Diana Ross